Romantic friendship
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The term romantic friendship refers to a very close but non-sexual relationship between friends, often involving a degree of physical closeness beyond that common in modern Western society, for example holding hands, cuddling and kissing, sharing a bed, as well as open expressions of love for one another.
Romantic friendship was considered common and unremarkable in the West up until the second half of the 19th century, but after that time its open expression generally became much rarer as physical intimacy between non-sexual partners came to be regarded with anxiety, and the very phrase "romantic friendship" was almost forgotten. Only in very recent times has the concept and expression of romantic friendship begun to re-establish itself in the English-speaking world.
| Perfectly respectable Victorian women wrote to each other in terms such as these: ‘I hope for you so much, and feel so eager for you… that the expectation once more to see your face again, makes me feel hot and feverish.’ They recorded the ‘furnace blast’ of their ‘passionate attachments’ to each other... They carved their initials into trees, set flowers in front of one another’s portraits, danced together, kissed, held hands, and endured intense jealousies over rivals or small slights... Today if a woman died and her son or husband found such diaries or letters in her effects, he would probably destroy them in rage or humiliation. In the nineteenth century, these sentiments were so respectable that surviving relatives often published them in elegies....
[In the 1920’s] people’s interpretation of physical contact became extraordinarily ‘privatized and sexualized,’ so that all types of touching, kissing, and holding were seen as sexual foreplay rather than accepted as ordinary means of communication that carried different meanings in different contexts... It is not that homosexuality was acceptable before; but now a wider range of behavior opened a person up to being branded as a homosexual... The romantic friendships that had existed among many unmarried men in the nineteenth century were no longer compatible with heterosexual identity.[1] |
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[edit] Literary, historical, and popular culture examples
In literature and popular culture there has often been depiction of same-gender relationships whose nature seems ambiguous. These friendships exhibit a degree of closeness beyond what is common for heterosexual friends, and yet these relationships are not explicitly depicted as homosexual relationships. These friendships are often depicted as containing romantic elements.
[edit] Xena and Gabrielle
- Main article: Xena: Warrior Princess
There has been some speculation about the nature of the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle. Their relationship was kept ambiguous throughout the show. Xena and Gabrielle are never depicted as declaring themselves as a lesbian couple, but in the last episode they refer to one another as being "soul mates". The show cultivated a devoted lesbian following in part because of the ambiguous relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, a relationship which most of the lesbian viewers interpreted as a lesbian relationship. Sherrie Johnson, author of the essay "Xena and Gabrielle: A Revisitation of the Classic Romantic Relationships", has suggested that Xena and Gabrielle do not have a lesbian relationship but a romantic friendship.
| The friendship displayed by Xena and Gabrielle in Xena: Warrior Princess hints at what could be a new romantic friendship. This is not idle speculation on the nature of Xena and Gabrielle's relationship, but an examination of the fact that despite the physical affection and powerful emotional bond Xena and Gabrielle have developed, their friendship can still reasonably be viewed as non-sexual, and therefore, societally acceptable even by conservative standards.[2] |
However, in an interview with Lesbian News magazine two years after the series ended, Lucy Lawless (the actress who portrayed Xena) said that she came to believe the two were lovers after the scene in the last episode when Gabrielle revived Xena with a mouth-to-mouth water transfer.
| There was always a 'well, she might be or she might not be' but when there was that drip of water passing between their lips in the very final scene, that cemented it for me. Now it wasn't just that Xena was bisexual and kinda liked her gal pal and they kind of fooled around sometimes, it was 'Nope, they're married, man.[3] |
[edit] Joey Tribbiani and Chandler Bing
- Main articles: Joey Tribbiani, Chandler Bing, Chandler and Joey's apartment
Joey Tribbiani and Chandler Bing, characters from the American sitcom Friends, are often depicted as having a bond with ambiguous undertones and are occasionally put in situations that could be defined as romantic. For example, in the episode The One Where Eddie Moves In, Joey moves out of the apartment he shares with Chandler. Toward the end of the episode, the song All by Myself plays as Chandler sits by himself with a sad expression on his face as he stares out the window at a rainy night. Joey is depicted as sitting by himself with a sad look on his face while staring at a water feature. The song All by Myself is a power ballad about the loss of a lover.
A long-running gag depicted Joey and Chandler occasionally fighting with each other like an old married couple, with Chandler often assuming the wife role while Joey assumed the husband role, suggesting homosexual undertones in their friendship. This dynamic was curtailed when Chandler fell in love with and married Monica.
[edit] Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King
Talk show host Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King have a friendship that is so close that some have speculated that they may in fact be a closeted homosexual couple. The two have been friends for 30 years and are said to converse on the telephone four times a day. In the August 2006, issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, which is dedicated to the topic of friendship [4], Winfrey herself finally addressed the rumors that she and Gayle, who is an editor of the magazine, are a homosexual couple. Oprah wrote, "I understand why people think we're gay. There isn't a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it — how can you be this close without it being sexual?" Though Oprah never used the term "romantic friendship" to describe her relationship with Gayle King, she did use terminology that by many standards would be viewed as romantic: "Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own."
[edit] Carl Carlson and Lenny Leonard
- Main articles: Carl Carlson and Lenny Leonard
The Simpsons characters Carl Carlson and Lenny Leonard in some ways maintain a relationship arguably in the tradition of a romantic friendship. In one episode, Lenny dreamily recalls carving "Mount Carlmore", a huge bust of Carl in the side of a hill, over "one wonderful summer". In another episode, various characters are depicted looking at the stars to "see into their souls". When Lenny looks up to the stars, he sees an image of Carl. In a Halloween episode where Lenny dies and sees Heaven, the angels all take the form of Carl. They chorus, 'Lenny! Hurry up! We'll be late for work at the plant!" In the Hex and the City Halloween episode, a helicopter crashes through the roof of Moe's Tavern and pins both Carl and Lenny to the ground, slowly crushing them to death. Lenny begs Carl to let him die first, saying, "I couldn't bear to watch you die." In an episode where Lenny becomes trapped on a burning oil rig, an attempt at rescue by helicopter is denied by Lenny because of nothing to live for, until Carl appears in the helicopter and Lenny is convinced to board the aircraft and return home with Carl.
Other characters on The Simpsons are often depicted as being without the ability to categorize the relationship maintained by Carl and Lenny. Devoid of any other category in which to place the bond between Carl and Lenny, other characters on The Simpsons are depicted as assuming that Lenny and Carl are latent homosexuals. A notable example of this occurs in the show's 16th season in the episode "There's Something About Marrying". In this episode, Homer Simpson is depicted as running a church that exists solely to marry homosexual couples. When Homer runs out of homosexual couples to marry, he speculates that Lenny and Carl might be interested. Marge Simpson scolds Homer by saying, "Don't you rush them! We need to let them work that out in their own time."
[edit] Shakespeare and Fair Lord
- Main article: Sexuality of William Shakespeare
The content of Shakespeare's works has raised the question of whether he may have been bisexual. The question of whether an Elizabethan was "gay" in a modern sense is anachronistic, as the concepts of homosexuality and bisexuality as identities did not emerge until the 19th century; while sodomy was a crime in the period, there was no word for an exclusively homosexual identity (see History of homosexuality). Elizabethans also frequently wrote about friendship in more intense language than is common today.
Although twenty-six of the Shakespeare's sonnets are love poems addressed to a married woman (the "Dark Lady"), one hundred and twenty-six are addressed to a young man (known as the "Fair Lord"). The amorous tone of the latter group, which focus on the young man's beauty, has been interpreted as evidence for Shakespeare's bisexuality, although others interpret them as referring to intense friendship or fatherly affection, not sexual love.
Among those of the latter interpretation, in the preface to his 1961 Pelican edition, Douglas Bush writes:
- "Since modern readers are unused to such ardor in masculine friendship and are likely to leap at the notion of homosexuality… we may remember that such an ideal, often exalted above the love of women, could exist in real life, from Montaigne to Sir Thomas Browne, and was conspicuous in Renaissance literature". [5]
Bush cites Montaigne, who distinguished male friendships from "that other, licentious Greek love" [6], as evidence of a platonic interpretation.
[edit] Batman and Robin
Though Batman, both as a superhero and in his identity as Bruce Wayne, has been portrayed in comics and other media as a heterosexual - having enjoyed a number of romantic and/or sexual relationships with women—questions have arisen naturally regarding the nature of his relationship with Robin; the bond between them extending far beyond what many consider typical of a heterosexual, platonic friendship. Various media have parodied the romantic overtones of Batman and Robin's friendship, including Saturday Night Live, The Onion, and Rotten.com.
[edit] J.D and Turk
John Dorian and Chris Turk, the two male protagonists on the US sitcom Scrubs, have a romantic relationship with overt overtones of homosexuality despite the many romantic engagements of J.D and Turk's relationship and eventual marriage to Carla. J.D's relationship with Doctor Cox also has homosexual overtones.
[edit] The Doctor and Rose
An example of an opposite sex romantic friendship is the relationship between The Doctor and various companions. In the most recent series, sexual tension has developed between The (Tenth) Doctor and Rose.
[edit] Karen Walker and Jack McFarland
Another example of an opposite-sex romantic friendship is that of Karen Walker, a straight but perhaps bi-curious woman, and Jack McFarland, a gay man, in the television sitcom Will & Grace. Karen and Jack are often found together behaving in a similar way to two best friends who are women; often gossiping or discussing feminine issues (though at times Jack has shown little knowledge about female anatomy and other things of the same nature). Jack and Karen often caress, kiss, dance in a passionate style, and act in other romantic ways. However, whether this is a romantic friendship is not certain as Karen acts intimately to almost anyone she knows or sometimes complete strangers. Jack is similar but not to the same degree as Karen.
[edit] Notes
- ^ The Way We Never Were by Stephanie Coontz
- ^ Xena and Gabrielle: A Revision of the Classic Romantic Friendship
- ^ Lucy Lawless interview
- ^ O Magazine Retrieved July 24, 2006
- ^ Crompton, Louis, Homosexuality and Civilization, pp. 379
- ^ Rollins 1:55
