User:Rivertorch
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[edit] THE RIVERTORCH FAQ
Who are you? I am Rivertorch. I come in peace.
Where are you? On the North American continent of a small blue planet, third from its sun, in a solar system near the edge of the Milky Way.
What are you? Stardust. Billion-year-old carbon.
Why are you (here)? I have three honest answers to that: one sounds grandiose, another sappy, and the third pathetic. Therefore, I decline to answer except to reassure anyone who may be frightened that I mean no harm.
What are your areas of expertise? Ummm . . . I'm sure I have some. Could you rephrase the question?
Are there any topics about which you might have more knowledge than the average person? Nice job. You avoided ending the sentence in a preposition without making the sentence sound pretentious.
Just answer the question, okay? [sotto voce: I see we have issues with accepting compliments graciously] I'll try. I'm not sure what constitutes "the average person," but I did just manage to slip the comma inside the quotation marks, where it belongs—and that's about as radical as I'll ever get at Wikipedia.
You're boring everyone. No one is reading this far. Answer the question, please! D-mmit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a Wikipedian! No, wait, that's relevant. Really. I know more about Star Trek than most people. I'm hardly an expert, however. I'm not even a Trekkie/Trekker.
Anything else? Ditto for I Love Lucy.
TV shows. How impressive. And Green Acres.
The opiate of the masses. The Munsters.
This is deteriorating. What else are you interested in? Truth, justice, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, human rights, global warming, the environment, peace, diplomacy, nonviolent protest, harmony, pastoral landscapes, risky art, poetry, music, landscape architecture, Italian Renaissance gardens and their water features, high-end audio, loudspeaker design, mental health, hypnogogic and hypnopompic experiences, astral projection, the myth of sustainable development, hypocrisy, Robert Silverberg, Walt Whitman, typography, whole grains, lemmings, Mac OS, Claude Monet, airliners, pipe organs, Frederick Douglass, obscure and defunct soft drinks, dialects of English, Quetzalcoatl, Mexican pyramids, Egyptian pyramids, metaphysics, haunted houses, ergonomics, Tolkien and Lewis (the books, not the films), Duesenbergs, Bösendorfs, the rise of Christian fascism, the fall of Humpty Dumpty—
All right! Stop. Thank you. You have lots of interests. Yes.
But they're all over the map. And you're too lazy to code the links. True, but I may get around to it eventually.
You're a procrastinator. You've been lurking at Wikipedia for years. Sorry, was that a question?
You've been lurking for years but just recently registered. Why? I wanted to do more substantive edits than the minor proofreading I've done for a long time, and I figured a username is a happier thing than an IP.
A happier thing, huh? Yeah. Happiness should always be the goal.
Anything else you'd care to say? Well, I would like to say that I'm really not very comfortable creating a user page, but I wanted my name to turn blue.
