Quark (TV series)

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Quark
Richard Benjamin and the Barnstable twins in NBC's Quark
Genre	Comedy, Science fiction
Running time	30 minutes
Creator(s)	Buck Henry
Starring	Richard Benjamin Tim Thomerson Richard Kelton Tricia Barnstable Cyb Barnstable Conrad Janis Alan Caillou Bobby Porter
Country of origin	United States
Original channel	NBC
Original run	May 7, 1977–April 7, 1978
No. of episodes	8
IMDb profile
TV.com summary

Quark was an American science fiction situation comedy starring Richard Benjamin that aired on NBC. The pilot first aired on May 7, 1977, and the series followed as a mid-season replacement in February 1978. The series was canceled in April 1978. Quark was created by Buck Henry, co-creator of the spy spoof Get Smart. Despite the series' short run, it has developed a very favorable reputation among science fiction fandom. The show was set on the United Galaxies Sanitation Patrol Cruiser, an interstellar garbage scow operating out of United Galaxies Space Station Perma 1 in the year 2222. Adam Quark, the main character, works to clean up trash in space by collecting "space baggies" — unfortunately for Quark, circumstances frequently dropped adventure into his lap.

In its short run, Quark satirized such science fiction classics as Star Wars, 2001: A Space Odyssey and Flash Gordon. Three of the episodes were direct satires of Star Trek episodes.

The series won one Emmy Award nomination, for costume designer Grady Hunt's work in the episode "All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms, Part 2".

[edit] Characters

Adam Quark (Richard Benjamin) is a Commander who longs for a glamorous, important assignment and ends up collecting trash instead. Nonetheless he is skilled and competent, albeit extraordinarily unlucky.

The Bettys (Cyb and Patricia Barnstable, who were in the Doublemint™ gum ads) are the navigators and pilots of the ship. They are completely identical, complete with identical red-hot passions for Quark. One of them is a clone of the other, but neither has a clue which is which (although they argue about it constantly, each claiming the other is the clone). They have a tendency to speak in perfect unison and have the exact same thought at exactly the same time.

Gene/Jean (Tim Thomerson) is a "transmute", a humanoid being with a complete set of both male and female chromosomes. He/she serves as the ship's engineer. The gender confusion manifests in a split personality — when Gene's male side is in control, he is gung-ho, angry and violent, while the Jean personality is pacifistic and a bit of a coward. He/she will frequently switch personalities with no warning.

Ficus Pandorata (Richard Kelton) is a Vegeton, a member of a race of sentient plant life. He is of human appearance. While he is extremely intelligent and observant, he is incapable of any sort of human emotion, including tact. He frequently finds the behavior of the rest of the crew difficult to understand.

Andy (Bobby Porter) is a not-at-all-human-looking robot, made from spare parts, with a cowardly and neurotic personality. In many ways Andy prefigures Marvin the Paranoid Android in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series.

Otto Palindrome (Conrad Janis) is in charge of Perma 1, and gives Commander Quark his assignments. He is the quintessential bureaucrat — a nightmare tyrant to his underlings and a quivering toady towards his superiors. He seems to take a special delight in making Quark's life miserable.

Dink (?) is a diminutive and very hairy aide to Palindrome. His voice is a xylophone-like electronic warble. He often provides a foil for Palindrome's concerns about his job, and about Quark.

The Head (Alan Calliou) is the being to whom Palindrome answers. He is usually seen as a disembodied head with an enormous cranium. He is detached from day-to-day events, has a low tolerance for failure, and a tendency to come up with bizarre tasks for Quark to accomplish — usually at the worst possible time.

Interface A four-armed alien woman who functioned as an operator for all interstellar calls. The quintessential communications bureaucrat, she is more concerned about correct charges for lasergrams than about saving the Galaxy.

Ergo A one-eyed blob that was Quark's pet, paralleling Pinback and the Alien from the movie Dark Star. Ergo seemed intent on killing Quark.

[edit] Episodes

The United Galaxies Sanitation Patrol Cruiser

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

"Pilot" (May 7, 1977): A deep space phenomenon threatens to destroy the galaxy, and Quark's ship is the only one in the area. Palindrome and The Head instruct Quark to go on a suicide mission to save their civilization, but he's so far away they can only contact him by telegram. The two of them argue over telegram costs and spend most of the episode trying to reduce the number of words in the message so as to keep the cost down. Meanwhile Quark and company accidentally save the day anyway.

Ficus was not a part of the cast in this episode, and the "science guy" role was held by "Dr. O.B. Mudd," a crotchety one-eyed old man played by Douglas Fowley. It is mentioned that Mudd and Quark built Andy together. Mudd never appeared or was mentioned again in the series, and no explanation was given for his departure from the show.

"May the Source Be with You" (February 2, 1978): Perma One is in a state of emergency, as the Gorgons have created the ultimate weapon to defeat the United Galaxy. Palindrome gives Quark the secret weapon, "The Source." Quark must believe completely in the Source in order to defeat the Gorgons.
"The Old and the Beautiful" (March 3, 1978): Expecting his usual garbage hauling assignment, Quark is excited to hear that the Head has authorized an "extended romantic interlude" with Princess Carna of Kamamor. Troubles ensue when the crew encounters a stray space baggy carrying a virus which ages Quark two years for every hour.
"The Good, the Bad and the Ficus" (March 10, 1978): While on a routine mission, the ship is accidentally pulled into a black hole, which splits the crew into good and evil counterparts. The exception is Ficus, who remains the same because "there are no good or evil plants, there are just plants," leading both sets of crew members to scream at him in their usual exasperation. After Quark confronts and defeats his evil self on a nearby asteroid, he sends the evil crew back through the black hole. As the evil crew is being sent back we hear the evil Adam Quark say "Keep your deflectors up, do-gooder! You haven't seen the last of this face!"
"Goodbye Polumbus" (March 17, 1978): Quark and his crew are sent on a suicide mission to Polumbus to discover why no one has returned alive. Quark and his crew fall prey to their fantasies as part of a fiendish plot by the dreaded Gorgons to drain the minds of the United Galaxy's most brilliant scientists. Quark encounters a beautiful dream girl, Ficus encounters a teacher, the Bettys encounter clones of Quark, and Gene/Jean encounters Zoltar the Magnificent. In order to save his crew, Quark must destroy the obelisk and free the "clay people". (The episode's title is spoof of the film Goodbye, Columbus, in which Benjamin played the lead.)
"All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms, Part 1" (March 24, 1978): While on a routine mission, Quark and his crew are captured by Zorgon the Malevolent (played by Ross Martin), the Most Vicious Gorgon Space Pirate and Half-Brother to the High Gorgon Himself. Zorgon tries to learn from Quark what "It" is and where to find "It" -- which represents a problem as Quark has no idea what "It" is. Meanwhile, Zorgon's daughter, Princess Libido, has fallen in love with Ficus. Ficus agrees to a meeting with Princess Libido and teaches her to "pollinate". Andy and Gene/Jean escape and disguise themselves as Gorgon scientists and Gene/Jean is asked to give a lecture on "It". The episode cliffhanger has Quark horrified to realize that the location for "It" that he gave as a bluff has turned out to be absolutely correct...
"All the Emperor's Quasi-Norms, Part 2" (March 31, 1978): Ficus sacrifices himself and marries Princess Libido to save the crew. Gene/Jean manages to impress the Gorgon scientists with his lecture, and he and Andy escape. Quark and the Bettys are sent down to the planet to be eaten by a Lizigoth, but are saved by The Baron of The Forest People. With the Baron's help, Quark locates "It", which turns out to be a small stone on a necklace. Subsequent events (a door being opened, a disintegration ray deflecting off the stone) lead Quark to believe he is invincible when in fact "It" is nothing more than a powerless rock. Quark returns to Zorgon's ship, survives a struggle with Zorgon's monster champion, and leaves the planet with his crew after Zorgon accidentally shoots Libido, freeing Ficus from his obligation to her. Unfortunately, when Quark tries to report on what happened, Palindrome has absolutely no interest. His assistant, Dink, however, is fascinated by the story.
"Vanessa 38-24-36" (April 7, 1978): For Holiday Number 11, Palindrome gives Quark a new ship's computer, named Vanessa, who will have complete control over the ship. Vanessa tries to destroy Quark and his crew to prove her superiority. Quark is able to disable Vanessa and throw her down the garbage hatch. In the last scene we see Vanessa drifting through space and singing "Born Free".