Political Animals

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The Political Animals is an intramural hockey team based at the University of Toronto in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. The team's home arena is the Varsity Arena in downtown Toronto.

History:

The Political Animals were founded as an independent team after clearly cutting their ties with the Forestry Department in 2001-2002. Since then, the Political Animals have steadily improved their intramural record and average crowd attendance by finishing near the top of their division in each of the past four seasons.

Controversy:

The team is controversial for its use of former Soviet Union symbolism and insignia on its jerseys. Also, the team's spiritual leader wears a helmet that is widely considered a slap in the face to the contemporary aesthetic standards of hockey equipment design.

Standing:

The team enjoyed its best regular season record in 2005-2006, going 9-0-1 in regular season play. Unfortunately, the team could not pull it off in the final game against Commerce, losing 3-2 in overtime. There were more penalties called in the final game than in the Animals' 14 other games combined. The Animals struggled to find their game when penalty after penalty sucked the manliness right out of the arena. As of October 2006, the Political Animals are unbeaten in 12 consecutive regular seasons games.

The team's manliness was dealt yet another blow with the surprise departure of their young coach, [alias] Victor Tikhonov, God bless His name. The team also lost many of its star players to retirement at the close of the 2006 season. Luckily, the team recruited a new coach, Mr. Tremblay, and is currently undertaking a successful rebuilding period.

The Uncertain Future:

The team's superstar goalie has missed some games because of personal commitments in Mexico and the Southern United States of America, and controversy has been raised around a rising star centreman after some players reported smelling alcohol on his breath in their 5-0 trouncing of the Rotman Rotties. The quality of the post-game reports has also suffered since the loss of Mr. Szala to family responsibilities.

The Animals currently boast an impressive alumni organization that includes at least one former Toronto Maple Leafs' player, as well as employees of the Strategic Counsel and advisors in the Department of Finance, Government of Canada. The Alumni's reach and influence extends all over the country, bridging traditional Canadian divides with branches in Drumheller, Alberta, as well as Quebec City, Montreal and Toronto. There are junior branches in Mount Pearl, Newfoundland and some small town in the Czech Republic.