Penis Song (Not the Noel Coward Song)

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The Penis Song is a song originally from the film Monty Python's The Meaning of Life and released on the album Monty Python Sings.

In the film, it is sung by Eric Idle at a piano in the persona of a Noel Coward-style lounge singer: hence the sub-title of the song "Not the Noel Coward Song."

Beginning by addressing his audience, the singer says "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean." This opening innuendo is the opening gambit to a series to euphemisms for male genitalia. The overall message of the song appears to be summed up in its opening line: "Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?"

Euphemisms within the song include:

• Dong
• Stiffy
• Dick
• Tadger
• Prick
• Willy
• John Thomas
• One-eyed trouser snake
• Piece of pork
• Wife's best friend
• Percy
• Cock

The final segment of the song advises that "you can wrap it up in ribbons" and that "you can stick it in your sock." However, "if you take it out in public they will stick you in the dock and you won't come back."