Paul Calf

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Paul Calf is a fictional character portrayed by English comedian Steve Coogan. He has appeared in two video diaries, an episode of Coogan's Run, and in various stand-up performances. He is an unemployed Mancunian wastrel with a particular hatred of students.

Paul lives in a Manchester council house with his mother and his sister, Pauline (also played by Coogan), his father having died some time before the first video diary was made. For a long time he was obsessed with getting back together with his ex-girlfriend, Julie. Paul's best friend is "Fat" Bob (played by John Thomson), a car mechanic who eventually married Paul's sister. Paul supports Manchester City and is very partial to Wagon Wheels.

[edit] Quotes

• "Bag of shite!"

• "Is it a crime to hit a student across the back of the head with a snooker ball in a sock?"

• "I've given up two of my worst habits: smoking and masturbation. 'Cause I'm a twenty a day man, and I smoke like a chimney."

• "I'm not wearing dead man's pants."

• "Look I'm not messing about, if you want a shag I'll be in the cubicle. Leave it about twenty minutes, I'll be having a dump."

• "I'd rather see Dave Lee Travis play Macbeth."

• "Forgive me but you've got shit shoes on, you shitty shoed bastard!"