Parental alienation
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Parental Alienation is any behaviour by a parent, a child's mother or father, whether conscious or unconscious, that could create alienation in the relationship between a child and the other parent. Parental alienation can be mild and temporary or extreme and ongoing. Most researchers believe that any alienation of a child against (the child's) other parent is harmful to the child and to the target parent. Extreme, obsessive, and ongoing parental alienation can cause terrible psychological damage to children extending well into adulthood. Parental Alienation focuses on the alienating parents behaviour as opposed to the alienated parent's and alienated children's conditions.
This definition is different from Parental Alienation Syndrome as originally coined by Dr. Richard Gardner in 1987: "a disturbance in which children are preoccupied with deprecation and criticism of a parent-denigration that is unjustified and/or exaggerated." Parental Alienation Syndrome symptoms describe the child's behaviours and attitude towards the targeted parent after the child has been effectively programmed and severely alienated from the targeted parent. Parental alienation, on the other hand, describes the alienating parent's or parents' conduct which induces parental alienation syndrome in children.
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[edit] Forms of Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a form of relational aggression by one parent against the other parent using their common children. The process can become cyclic with each parent attempting to alienate the children from the other. There is potential for a negative feedback loop and escalation. At other times an affected parent may withdraw leaving the children to the alienating parent. Children so alienated often suffer effects similar to those studied in the psychology of torture. (Sources: External link articles below and late adulthood consciousness of parental alienation)
Alienating parents often use grandparents, aunts/uncles, and elder siblings to alienate their children against the target parent. In some cases, mental health professionals become unwitting allies in these alienation attempts by backing unfounded allegations of neglect, abuse or mental disease. Courts also often side with the alienating parent against the target parent in legal judgements because parental alienation is either difficult to detect or else the time, by mental health professionals, has never been given to the children to detect it.
Forms of parental alienation include:-
- brainwashing,
- character assassination
- the false inducement of fear
- incitement of shame,
- rage in children against the target parent,
- loss of self control,
- flareups of anger,
- unconscious alliances with the children against the target parent.
- delibrate denigration of the children's relationship with the target parent.
Parental alienation can all be mild, moderate, or extreme. Parental alienation often forces children to choose sides and become allies against the other parent. Children caught in the middle of such conflicts suffer severe losses of love, respect and peace during their formative years. They also often lose their alienated parent forever. These consequences and a host of others cause terrible traumas to children.
Parents so alienated often suffer heartbreaking loss of their children through no fault of their own. In addition, they often face false accusations from their alienated children that they cannot counter with the facts. Finally, they often find themselves powerless to show that this little-known form of cruel, covert, and cunning aggression is occurring or has occurred.
Critics of the "Parental Alienation" defence used in custody disputes say such legal arguments are not supported by research or pyscological studies, and this has resulted in battering parents getting custody of their children, despite a high correlation between battering and child abuse. Parents in custody disputes should know that custody evaluations do not assess for domestic violence, nor does the court seek out information from the therapists of victims. There have been numerous cases where assertions of abuse by the child, mother or farther were documented as "parental alientaion" against the other parent. The critics state that the myth of "Parental Alientation" defence thrives on one basic element, which is that narcissitic abusers as opposed to ordinary abusers have an uncanny ability to present extremely well in public, which leads to a situation where they have to do is say that the allegations are fantasy and because of the manner with which this was presented the judge will buy into it. Critics state that abusers will deny being abusive, in an attempt to cover up their abuse where both the parent and the child say "it happened" and "it is true", it should not be the case that any judge or custody evaluator would not take it seriously but tradgically this is what happens because the charges get turned around as 'an attempt to alienate the parent.' It is not disputed that, sadly the reality in some cases is that the victim ends up being the alienated one (his or her custody/visitation rights are restricted or affected), and the abuser is allowed to continue to the abuse. That alone should make it clear that while the "Parental Alientation" legal argument may not have the goal of causing harm to children, that is indeed what does happen with the rise of this disturbing trend.
[edit] Experience in UK family law
Comment by judges in the UK family law system has indicated that parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome is observed in some cases:
- Lady Justice Hale (in Re K (Contact: Psychiatric Report) [1995] 2 FLR 432) stated:
- It is my unhappy experience, borne out by other anecdotal evidence and confirmed by the Official Solicitor's department that there seems to be an increasing number of cases coming before the family courts where contact between a young child and the absent parent has become bedevilled by stubborn opposition to contact being shown by the child which may, or may not, be evidence of some implacable hostility on the part of the other parent for good reason or for no reason at all.
Since The Children Act requires that the views of the child need to be made known to the court, fathers' rights campaigners claim that the mother sometimes alienates a child against his or her father and that this then supports the mother's case in court to banish the father.
- Lady Elizabeth Butler-Sloss, President of the Family division, (the top UK family court judge) stated (in Re L, V, M, H (Contact: Domestic Violence) [2002] 2 FLR 334 at 351):
- There is, of course, no doubt that some parents, particularly mothers, are responsible for alienating their children from their fathers without good reason and thereby creating this sometimes insoluble problem. That unhappy state of affairs, well known in family courts, is a long way from recognised syndrome requiring mental health professionals to play an expert role.
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- Because of the nature of the The Children Act, in the UK, which fundementaly changed the emphasis from the rights of the child, to the responsibility of the state to choose one parent over and above another, has led to claims made by very caring mothers, that parental alienation is is nothing more than an attack on mothers. Professionals advising on legal matters in the UK, frequently note that Social Services departments, also engage in frequent epsodic periods where they engage in behavior simular to that of parents who stand accused of alienating the child. Mothers rights groups in the UK state that the real problem lies with the The Children Act, not being transparent enough and too open to interpritation.
- Very concerned mothers, have pointed out that that some parents, particularly mothers, are responsible for alienating their children from their fathers without good reason and thereby creating this sometimes insoluble problem. That unhappy state of affairs, well known in family courts, is a long way from recognised syndrome requiring mental health professionals to play an expert role.
[edit] See also
- Child abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Parental Alienation Syndrome
- Medea Complex
[edit] External links
- Parental Alienation Syndrome: How to Detect It and What to Do About It
- Three Types of Parental Alienation
- Preventing Parentectomy Following Divorce
- Bullying In the Family from the UK National Bullying Advice Line
- Parental Alienation is Bad Parenting, Not a Psychiatric Disorder (editorial from IFeminists.com)
- Alienation Revisited
- [1]
[edit] Further reading
- Children Held Hostage, by Stanley S. Clawar and Brynne Valerie Rivlin, American Bar Association, 2003, ISBN 0897076281.
