My Life Without Me
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
| My Life Without Me | |
|---|---|
| Directed by | Isabel Coixet |
| Produced by | Esther García Gordon McLennan |
| Written by | Isabel Coixet based on the book by Nanci Kincaid |
| Starring | Sarah Polley Amanda Plummer Scott Speedman |
| Music by | Alfonso Vilallonga |
| Cinematography | Jean-Claude Larrieu |
| Editing by | Lisa Robison |
| Release date(s) | 2003 |
| Running time | 106 min. |
| Language | English |
| IMDb profile | |
My Life Without Me (Mi vida sin mí) is a 2003 film that tells a story of the dying process of a twenty three year old woman who has a husband and two daughters. It is based on the book Pretending the Bed Is a Raft by Nanci Kincaid.
Ignored by the Oscars, the film won many international and festival awards, including:
- the Genie Award (Canada) for Best Actress (Polley)
- the Goya (Spain) for Best Screenplay (Coixet) and Best Song ("Humans Like You" by Chop Suey)
Contents |
[edit] Cast
- Sarah Polley– as Ann
- Amanda Plummer– as Laurie
- Scott Speedman– as Don
- Leonor Watling– as Ann, the Neighbor
- Deborah Harry– as Ann's Mother
- Maria de Medeiros– as The Hairdresser
- Mark Ruffalo– as Lee
- Julian Richings– as Dr. Thompson
- Jessica Amlee– as Penny
- Kenya Jo Kennedy– as Patsy
[edit] Plot Summary
Ann (Sarah Polley) is a hard-working 23 year old mum with two small daughters, her husband (Scott Speedman) who spends time on and off work, her mother (Deborah Harry) who sees her life as a failure, and her gaoled father whom she has not seen in ten years. She works nights as a janitor in a university she could never afford to attend, she lives in a caravan in her mother’s backyard, and she has no aspirations. After she collapses one day, and goes for a medical check-up, her whole world changes, ‘your whole life’s been a dream and it’s only now that you’re waking up’. A shy doctor tells her the morbid news that she has only a few months to live, but she tells no one, using the cover of ‘anemia’. Ann makes a list of ‘things to do before I die’, things that she always wanted to accomplish but never had the time. Although somewhat burdened with her secret, Ann at the same time has a new sense of control.
[edit] Issues Raised
o Grief
o Love
o Death
o Family
o Humanity
Grief: The text My Life Without Me shows the dealing of grief in a unique way, where the roles are completely reversed. In the typical scenario, the person die and the family grieves for them, in My Life Without Me it is the person that is going to die that is grieving for their family, and what they are about to lose. Due to Ann’s decision in not telling her family that she is going to die, the audience feel a lot of sympathy toward the family as they see what is going to happen. Despite there being a minimal amount of time at the end of the film where we see the shock of Ann’s death hit her family and also Lee, it is evident the extent of the effect of her death on them was catastrophic. There is also a large amount of emotional pressure on Ann as she has lied to them saying that she simply has anaemia and this is very clear to the audience, as she is continually breaking down when doing her recorded messages for her family and loved ones. Having to deal with all of the grief by herself, really taxes her mentally but at the same time she is happy that her family will be able to survive without her and that things will go on as normal.
Love: There are various examples of love throughout My Life Without Me. One of the most significant and the most beautiful is the love shared between Don and Ann, they have managed to love and care for each other for approximately seven years despite them living in a caravan and never going on vacation. It’s a really gorgeous relationship, where Don is so dependent on Ann, and always want to be there for her, even though Ann has the affair with Lee, I don’t think she ever fell in love with him, she says to Don, ‘I love you Don, don’t you ever forget that… I love you’. There is another case of love that is a lot more spare of the moment, with Lee confessing his love for Ann in the rain, on the last day they ever get to see each other. It is a very bitter and sad moment, as you feel so betrayed by Ann, she seemed so perfect, but then her affair with Lee cuts through this feeling. She should never have let Lee fall in love with her. As well as this there is also the love of mother and daughter which Ann displays fully for her daughters, and is very sad and emotional when she records all the messages for their birthdays. There is also a very choked love that is shared between Ann and her parents. Ann and her mother do not have the capacity to tell each other that they love each other even though they both know it’s true. Ann finally admits to her in one of her tapes ‘I love you mum’. Again, there is a similar relationship with her father, she has not seen or heard from him in ten years, and so their relationship is on a very tenuous string. It is obvious that he is regretful for his past actions and that he loves her and cares for her, however it is somewhat harder to discern the extent of Ann’s positive feelings towards her father.
‘We have to give you a further scan, and a fuller biopsy…’ ‘Okay, no. I’m sorry. I don’t want any of those things. I’m sorry, I don’t want it, I need to feel like I have some sort of control, so I don’t want any more tests if they’re not going to save me. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to die here. I will not have the only thing my kids remember about me be a hospital ward.’ ‘So, why are you here then?’ ‘It’s this package, I want you to look after it.’
[edit] Narrative Point of View
The story is told mostly by Ann’s voiceovers of how she’s feeling and what is going on in her life. These voiceovers are always at very important times, when she is overloaded emotionally and is trying to deal with her situation. This overlay of voice on the film really gives the viewer a strong sense of what exactly is going on in the film. The voice over also adds a philosophical side to the film, as it allows the director and writer to add their own views on life and death into the character of Ann, and for her to say things that she would not normally be able to say. The narrative, is also told however by simple image and dialogue and director Isabel Coixet makes wonderful use of the ‘recorded messages’ to help tell the emotional story of Ann.
[edit] Narrative Structure
Image:Http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k315/courtz73/structure.jpg
o Begins with a prologue of Ann standing in the rain – is almost foreshadowing what will happen in the text. Set the tone for the rest of the film, especially the significant line ‘… in books you haven’t read’
o The film then goes straight into Ann’s daily life, as a daily person. We are immediately made aware of her financial situation, showing her cleaning a university at night, then driving in her crappy red sedan to pick up her mother who still works past 60 at dreadful hours. Then we are introduced further to the situation as we see where Ann lives etc. ‘No such thing as normal people mum’ at least half an hour later, ‘Barry Manilow’ ‘What?’ ‘Barry Manilow, he’s normal’ ‘Goodnight Mum’.
o Wake up in morning – it’s a normal morning got to take the kids to school etc
o Only minutes later Ann begins to feel very sick and eventually faints on her trailer floor, lucky for her, her mother was hanging out the washing and found her and took her to the hospital – beginning of the major drama. The scene goes from opening the caravan to opening the screen at the hospital.
o Doctor looks at scan, shy doctors feel nervous around her. Ann is not concerned at all with herself, is more worried about who is picking the girls up from school.
o Sits her down and tells her that’s she’s going to die. Ann tries to ignore it, ‘do you have a piece of candy’, they talk about mundane things such as the flavour of the candy.
o Blurry scene of her emotions, then lies to her mother that she has anaemia, this is where the lying begins
o Goes back to her normal life, does her list of things to do. Mundane life.
o Meets Lee in the laundromat, he lends her his jacket.
o Starts recording birthday messages for her daughters and other loved ones.
o Meets Anne, and encourages her to see her family.
o Her situation starts deteriorating, and the film leaves you wondering how it was that she died, whether it was painful etc, as it does not show her dieing.
o Shows the aftermath of her death on family and loved ones.
[edit] Character Relationships
Ann – mother of two kids with husband
Lori – cleaner at the uni, obsessed with dieting, weight obsession, eats like a pig, thinks she’s fat, thinks everyone else must be on a diet. “you know what I’m thinking about right now, corn on the cob with lots of sauce and lots of butter. Just thinking about diets makes me hungry’
Don (Husband) – works as builder, pool construction
Lee – perfect man, falls in love with her
Ann – next door neighbour
Mother
Father
Penny – older daughter, 8yrs old
Patsy – younger daughter, 4yrs old
Shy Doctor – can’t confront Ann properly when telling her she’s dieing
[edit] SWOT Analysis of Ann
SWOT analysis is usually used in business, but we can apply it to Ann:
Strengths Doesn’t crack emotionally to her family due to her situation, she can keep her secrets very well. Looks after her daughters really well, despite her poor financial situation.
Weaknesses Her daughters: hoping that the two girls will be happy when Ann is gone. Ann also has a significant weakness to her ‘list of things to do’, her want of having someone fall in love with her etc.
Opportunities To read all those books that she never had a chance to. To go out and finally do something with her life
Threats Her unavoidable death and the realisation that each day she is getting closer to death.
[edit] Style of Text
The text is unique in that despite it being quite a depressive subject, having someone being terminally ill, there is an overlaying tone of humour with light-hearted jokes throughout the text, ‘Barry Manilow, the cleaners jokes, the candy, the hairdresser’s incessant nagging, the jokes with Don’. These small jokes scattered throughout the text allow for the viewer to have a bit of a break from the depressive emotional areas of this film and this is very much needed. As the text has a very strong emotional and also philosophical backing to it, there needs to be room for the viewer to take all the information in, and be able to fully comprehend the meaning of the film. Director Coixet has made sure that the style of the text, allows the viewer to gain their own understanding of the film through leaving small gaps in the film for the viewer to fill in, and to put their own spin on. The style of text may be interpreted in any which way the audience wishes to see it; a feel-good film about making the best out of life; a philosophical film which looks at the art of dying; a shockingly depressive film about grief and loss; or a film about the connections and relationships between family and loved ones.
[edit] Stylistic Features
1. "This is you eyes closed out in the rain, you never thought you’d be doing something like this, you never saw yourself as I don’t know how you describe it, one of those people who like looking up at the moon or who spend hours gazing at waves or at sunset, or I guess you know what kind of people I’m talking about, maybe you don’t. Anyway, you kind of like it being like this, being cold and feeling the water seep through your shirt and onto your skin, the feel of the ground going soft beneath your feet. The smell and the sound of the rain hitting the leaves. All the things they talk about in books you haven’t read. This is you, who would have guessed it. You."
The opening scene to the film is much like a prologue. The film opens with a white screen, and then slowly fades out into a close-up of Ann’s face, dripping with beads of water and totally relaxed. The camera then quickly cuts to a full body shot, and then cuts back immediately to Ann’s face side on. As is saying ‘…spend hours gazing at the waves…’ the camera cuts to a very well focused shot of just Ann’s arm showing all her hairs on end. Continuing on from this, there is an extreme close-up of Ann’s mouth letting the water in and then her nose, it then cuts back to her face. When the camera cuts to a long body shot, it is possible to see the rain falling hard in the background and the blurring affect that this has on the surrounding area. As the audience hears the voiceover of Ann saying ‘…I guess you know what kind of people…’ the camera uses a behind shot, showing the back of Ann’s head to the left of screen, with her hair completely covered in dew, and then to the right of screen the viewer can see the rain coming down in sheets. ‘Maybe you don’t’, the camera then cuts back to Ann’s face, almost hinting that if you didn’t previously know anyone, I guess she is one of them now, and you’ve met her. The shot then zooms out to show most of Ann’s body and the rain wetting her t-shirt which is pink with red sleeves ¾ shirt printed on it ‘fly with your wings’ with a love heart, Ann wears no makeup – feeling the cold. Cuts to a shot of her feet – ground going soft beneath her feet. Then cuts back to her face, very clear shot which shows the water dripping off her nose and her breathing then gets heavier as we ‘listen’ to everything closely, the sound of the rain, and the sound of her body. After she says the sound of the rain hitting the leaves, there is a very abrupt cut to Ann’s eyes with her facing the left hand side of the screen, and only being able to see her left eye. The eye itself is slightly out of focus, what is in focus in the hair on her forehead and then there are the blurry droplets of rain in the background. Has the voiceover of Ann finishing her prologue, as the camera moves away from her eye and to the bottom of her cheek and fades to black. Shows the wine glasses up close and blurry and plays the haunting sound of them then finishes and cuts to the story – Ann cleaning As well as this it is obvious that this is no Hollywood film, this adds to the reality of this film and this does well and truly happens, it makes the whole thing a lot more believable. Most of this is all because it is a low budget film and the filming itself is done in a way so that it makes you feel as if you could be there.
2. ‘Your dad used to drink a bottle of bourbon and call it breakfast. You get wired if you drink so much as a beer. You didn’t even take drugs during high school, just the odd drag of Don’s joint, without inhaling like that guy who used to be president of the United States, that guy, Bill Clinton.’
The camera in this scene is very descriptive of the emotions and also the way she must be physically feeling at this moment. Firstly the camera looks straight ahead down a hospital corridor, there’s a sick old man on the right hand side with a walking aid, a nurse in a hurry walking toward you, and a middle aged man calling someone on the pay phone. It then cuts back to Ann, and she is walking toward the camera, at the same time the camera is zooming toward her. After ‘drink so much as a beer’, the camera moves quickly around in a very abstract way capturing distorted images of people walking around and the hospital, everything is blurry and it is the lights as they are zigzagged across the room that is most noticeable. Then everything slows down, Ann is in a completely different world of reflection, a man in a grey jumper knocks her accidentally and she doesn’t even take notice. Again things flick past fast and the images of people are blurred, then it slows down significantly and looks at the peoples’ faces. There is a Chinese couple that walk past, a woman, and a man in a grey jumper, the same man, except this time he doesn’t knock her, and she seems quite surprised by this, as if she realises that she is having a case of déjà vu. Things swap and change from fast to slow and vice versa, there are also swaps of what is focused on in the shot, cutting from Ann to just ordinary people in the hospital, finally showing a nurse looking at some towels, then everything blurring once more, and then a final cut to Ann on the telephone to her mother, where she has snapped out of this emotional state.
‘Now you feel like you wanna take all the drugs in the world, but all the drugs in the world aren’t gunna change the feeling that your whole life’s been a dream and its only now that you’re waking up.’
[edit] Settings
o Laundromat where the affair begins
o The university night times while Ann is cleaning
o Her mother’s house
o The crowded caravan
o The hospital
o Coffee shop
o Her lover’s house
o The restaurant near the wharf
[edit] Ending - Author's View on the World
[edit] Quotes
‘This is you eyes closed out in the rain, you never thought you’d be doing something like this, you never saw yourself as I don’t know how you describe it, one of those people who like looking up at the moon or who spend hours gazing at waves or at sunset, or I guess you know what kind of people I’m talking about, maybe you don’t. Anyway, you kind of like it being like this, being cold and feeling the water seep through your shirt and onto your skin, the feel of the ground going soft beneath your feet. The smell and the sound of the rain hitting the leaves. All the things they talk about in books you haven’t read. This is you, who would have guessed it. You.’
‘Your dad used to drink a bottle of bourbon and call it breakfast. You get wired if you drink so much as a beer. You didn’t even take drugs during high school, just the odd drag of Don’s joint, without inhaling like that guy who used to be president of the United States, that guy, Bill Clinton.’
‘Does your husband live with you?’ ‘Yeah, he builds swimming pools, he was out all day today.’ ‘And you work at the university?’ ‘Yeah I clean the university, nights.’ ‘And you’re 23?’ ‘I’ll be 24 in December. I’m an Aquarius. How about you? What star sign are you? What the hell is happening to me?? ‘We’ve done the scan three times and are you sure you wouldn’t prefer to call your husband?’ ‘No I would prefer not to call him’ ‘We’ve done the scan three times, and I’ve ordered a pre-biopsy and…’ ‘So what?’ ‘You have a, a tumor… in both ovaries, its reached your stomach and its beginning to spread to your liver.’ ‘It’s pretty far gone ey?’ ‘Ann if you were 20 years older, it would all be spreading more slowly, and we could operate on it. But your cells are very young, too young in fact. I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.’ ‘Well how…*choked* how long?’ ‘Two months, maybe three.’ ‘Here’s me thinking I was pregnant.’ ‘No I’m afraid not.’ ‘It didn’t sound serious when you sat down here beside me.’ ‘They’re renovating my office, changing the air conditioning, and um… no that’s not true. I can’t sit down in front of someone and tell them they’re about to die.’
‘We have to give you a further scan, and a fuller biopsy…’ ‘Okay, no. I’m sorry. I don’t want any of those things. I’m sorry, I don’t want it, I need to feel like I have some sort of control, so I don’t want any more tests if they’re not going to save me. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to die here. I will not have the only thing my kids remember about me be a hospital ward.’ ‘So, why are you here then?’ ‘It’s this package, I want you to look after it.’
‘Thinking, you’re not used to thinking. When you have your first kid at seventeen with the only man you ever kissed, and then another kid when your nineteen with the same man and you live in a trailer in your mum’s backyard and your dad’s been in jail for ten years, you never have time to think. Maybe you’re so out of practise you’ve forgotten how.’
‘Things to do before I die: 1. Tell my daughter’s I love them several times a day. 2. Find Don a new wife who the girls like. 3. Record birthday messages for the girls for every year until they’re 18. 4. Go to Whalebay Beach together and have a big picnic. 5. Smoke and drink as much as I want. 6. Say what I’m thinking. 7. Make love to other men to see what it’s like. 8. Make someone fall in love whith me. *deliberate misspelling* 9. Go and see Dad in jail. 10. Get some false nails. (and do something with my hair).’
‘Alone, you’re alone. You’ve never been so alone in your life. Lies are your only company.’
‘You see things clearly now, you see all these bored old lives, bored old voices, and they’re living nearly everywhere. And you see all these things you can’t buy, and now you don’t even wanna buy, all the things that will still be here when you’re gone, when you’re dead. And you realise that all the things in the bright window displays, all the models in the catalogues, all the special offers, all the Martha Stewart recipes, all the piles of greasy food, it’s just all there to try and keep us away from death. And that doesn’t work.’
‘It’s cold in the supermarket and you like it like that. People always read the labels of their favourite brands just to see how many chemicals they have, then they just sigh and they put them in their cart anyway like they’re saying ‘it’s bad for me, it’s bad for my family, but we like it’. No one ever thinks about death in a supermarket.’
- key the music that was played when Lee and Ann kissed in the car – Spanish song
- the whole supermarket starts dancing around, and Ann is the only that isn’t dancing, almost like she is the only one that is different, the only one that isn’t happy in the supermarket.
Lori: why are you throwing up Ann: you really wanna know? Lori: uhuh Ann: im throwing up because the girl who was meant to be my best friend when I was eight years old told everyone I was a slut, I’m throwing up because when I was fifteen years old I didn’t get invited to the only party I ever wanted to go to in my entire life. I’m throwing up because when I was seventeen I had my first kid and I had to grow up overnight. And I’ve got no more dreams. Without dreams you can’t fucking live.
Thinking. You're not used to thinking," she says. "All the things they talk about in the books you haven't read — this is you."
‘You pray that this will be your life without you. You pray that the girls will love this woman who has the same name as you, and that your husband will end up loving her too. And that they can live in the house next door, and the girls can play dolls in the trailer and barely remember their mother who used to sleep during the day, and take them on raft rides on the bed. You pray that they will have moments of happiness so intense, that all of their problems will seem insignificant in comparison. You don’t know who or what you’re praying to, but you pray. You don’t even regret the life that you’re not going to have… ‘cause by then you’ll be dead. And the dead don’t feel anything… not even regret.’
[edit] External links
02:08, 6 November 2006 (UTC) Edited By Courtney McDonald
