Talk:My, Pierwsza Brygada

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I am not the most musical person, but I believe this translation needs some improvement, both in terms and syllabe length. On the other hand, I am not a poet translator specialist, so I'll post my comments here: --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus Talk 17:56, 14 Apr 2005 (UTC)

  • My Pierwsza Brygada, / We are the First Brigade, removed unecessar are, and this improves the length as well
  • Legiony to ofiarny stos, / The Legions are a sacrifical pyre, - two syllabes to long, but I am not sure how to translate this retaining the meaning (especially the pyre refrain).
  • Legiony to straceńców los / The Legions are a martyr's fate. Martyr? I don't think it is the best translation, but it is short and catchy, so I'll let it be for now.
  • Strzelecka gromada /A sharpshooter's battalion This is both too long and a wrong translation. Strzelcy are translated as riflemans, since sharpshooters is more of a sniper (snajper), and gromada is not a formal military term, so we don't need battalion (batalion). It is too long a verse for the tune anyway. A rifleman group?.
  • Na stos, na stos! / Onto the pyre, onto the pyre. Too long, too long :> On pyre, on pyre would be much better I feel.
  • O, ile mąk, ile cierpienia, / Oh, how much suffering, how much pain, too long. Remove the second how much?
  • O, ile krwi, wylanych łez, / Oh, how much blood and how many tears shed, as above
  • Dodawał sił wędrówki kres. / The end of our wandering has given us strength. Too long. Suggest: Wandering ends gives us strenght.
  • Nie wierząc nam, że chcieć - to móc! / Not believing us, that where there's a will there's a way! - way too long.
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