User:Monk of the highest order

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I am a monk of the highest order.

That's right... I am a monk of the highest order...

That is a very prestigious title, you know.

It's really prestigious

Not everybody gets that title or anything.

I mean, you don't see anybody walking down the street and hear them be called a monk of the highest order or something.

I mean, that'd be pretty weird anyway considering there aren't that many monasteries out in the ci-

...*ahem*, but I'm getting off topic.

Anyway, that's just how it is, I am a monk of the highest order.

What's that? What's that you ask? "What's the highest order"?

Oh, well. I thought everybody knew, but apparently, there are some people who still don't.

The highest order of monks is a selective group of the very best monks in the world

That's right, all the best monks in the world are in the highest order of monks. All of the monks in the highest order of monks are the best monks in the world.

I am one of the best monks in the world.

Alright, now you, you there, what is it?

"How do you get to be one of the best monks in the world?"

Discipline. That's important.

Oh yeah. And honor too. That's good to have.

Oh, and also, if anyone ever challenges you to a judo or karate or tae kwon doe or jujitsu or toshindo or ninjitsu fight, or any kind of fight of any of that kind, you've got to kick ass in that fight. You've got to be able to kick a lot of ass. But you can't look like you can kick a lot of ass. You've got to look all pansy and such, so then when the bad guys come around and start beating people up just because they think that they're stronger than anyone in the town, you can look really cool when you catch them doing it and then do 30 flying flips in their air and kick their ass. But sometimes you do 31 or 32 flips. Y'know. just cause you're cool like that.

Also, modesty is real important. Anyone who boasts doesn't get put into the highest order. But once you get into the highest order, you can brag all you want, because: hey, man, you got in the highest order.

So yeah, you get to brag once you get into there. It's a complicated system. (I mean, I don't expect any of you to understand it; you guys aren't monks of the highest order or anything like that, but it's nice to say this kinda stuff anyway, so you can look all cool and smart.)

More questions? Oh, c'mon, guys, I'm a busy monk! I got to meditate! And then later, after I meditate, I'm going out to pick up chicks with Wang. Yeah, that's a name of one of the other monks of the highest order. Wang. Sometimes, Wang and I go out to parties and I go up to the chicks, and I say "hey, would you like to see some wang?" but they give me these strange looks and walk away. I don't know, I think they all think that he's really ugly or something. He's not really that ugly.

However, his giant, bulging penis which breaks through all clothing and material which covers it is somewhat offensive. But they have not seen Wang's bulging penis at the time which I ask them, so I still do not understand why they get angry when I ask them if they'd like to see Wang.

It is actually a matter of much confusion for me. Sometimes, when we go out, and I ask a girl if she'd like to see some wang, occasionally one tries to slap me. When they do that, I grab their arm as they are swinging it, and stare at them in the face and say "you really don't want to do that, because if you do that I will get angry, and you won't like me when I'm angry. I don't want to get angry, because I have never hit a girl yet, except for this one time in Bangalore which I don't want to talk about right now. But trust me, you don't want to slap me." and so then they give me more looks and walk away or call the police, at which point, me and wang use our monk powers to vanish in a cloud of dust and calcium sulfate.

Actually, when I say "Would you like to see wang?" they sometimes say "yes", so then I go "ta-da! Here's wang!" and I move out of the way and wang is behind me and he swings around his bulging penis in a seductive way while holding his hands out in the air. It's really funny actually. You should see it sometime. Sometime, I will bring wang here, and you will see him, and probably his giant, bulging, 20 pound penis too. It is quite the hilarious thing. In fact one time i-

What? What? Oh yeah, your question. Well, fine. Go ahead.

"What will you do about the rise of the murderous 'poison death needle' clan?"

I don't know. Am I supposed to do something about it. I mean, yeah, I know, "with great power comes great responsibility", I've seen 'spiderman', okay? So if I see a few of these guys on the street, maybe I'll throw them over a wall or something. Alright? Can you get off my back!