Miss Adventure
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Miss Adventure, 30, is a fictional character whose adventures (and misadventures) appear in the American supermarket tabloid the Weekly World News.
He is a homosexual man and worked as a hairdresser in his hometown of Teaneck, New Jersey.
Miss Adventure has climbed Mount Everest in mink and high heels ("The mountain was gorgeous, the snowmen abominable"), journeyed to the center of the earth ("When I go down, honey, I go down"), shot off in a space shuttle ("I'd wish they'd find another way to describe that"), infiltrated the Mafia ("The FBI has a noble drag queen tradition"), discovered the Lost City of Atlantis ("Not much different from a trailer park, really"), traveled out West ("When they call a guy a cowpoke they really mean it"), and survived an overturned cruise ship ("Trust me, it's not the first time I've seen that many sailors with their legs in the air").
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[edit] World's Favorite Gay Hero!
[edit] Gay Man Climbs Everest In Heels and Mink
Weekly World News Issue: April 11, 2005
Tagline: "These Damn Rocks Ruin My Nails!"
Kevin Andrews accomplished the feat of climbing Mount Everest dressed in a mink coat and high heels on March 5, 2005, as he reached the summit and placed a rainbow flag — the symbol of gay pride — on the snowy peak. Andrews said the trip was rather uneventful, but did say he lost an earring. When asked why he chose to don female clothing for the expedition, he replied, "Because they're there."
Kevin claimed his heels came in very handy on the cliffs. When he ran low on pitons, he simply slipped off his heels and used them instead. Miss Adventures climb was a "loving tribute" to his mother, whose earrings he wore on the climb. He hopes to find the one he lost on the next climb.
[edit] Gayest American Hero Stumbles Into Atlantis
Weekly World News Issue: April 25, 2005
Tagline: "When one of the mermaids welcomed me to Atlantis she did it telepathically!"
After climbing the highest mountain, Miss Adventure dove into the heart of one of the world's most alluring mysteries — the fabled lost continent of Atlantis. Originally, Kevin Andrews had plans to make the world's deepest pearl dive in Australia, but vacationed in Venice instead. Miss Adventure did not know how to swim, however within hours of hitting on pearl diving, he found someone to teach him.
That someone was Danny "Dee Dee" Romano, 62, a legendary surfer renowned from California's Muscle Beach to the shores of Hawaii's Banzai Pipeline. Romano doubled for several prominent actresses in surfing scenes in a series of popular beach party movies during the 1960s. Having climbed Mt. Everest in heels and mink, Miss Adventure was equally careful about choosing his swimwear. He finally came across a mesh thong in traditional rainbow hues — "a pouch, really, that showed off my natural assets", Andrews said.
On a hot morning in April 2005, Andrews and Romanos secured an inexpensive craft, the Rita, and set sail. After three hours, Miss Adventure made his virgin plunge, slick with sunblock and clutching a fishnet stocking in which he deposited his pearls. However, he suffered a painful and unexpected hardship when he "bonked" his head on the anchor. Andrews felt his lungs fill with water as he slowly sank toward the ocean floor. When he woke, he was surprised he hadn't ended up at the Pearly Gates, but found himself surrounded by mermaids in what resembled an underwater dollar store. Miss Adventure reported he was able to breathe thanks to little bubbles that kept popping directly under his nose. Andrews claimed when one of the mermaids welcomed him to Atlantis, she did it telepathically. She told him her family was eager to go into the chainstore business and finally opened up the Sand Dollar Store. According to Miss Adventure, he was stunned and delighted to find that they carried genuine pearls, which are so common in Atlantis that they hold no special value. The clerks offered Andrews a handful, at which he fainted and succumbed to his injuries once again.
When Miss Adventure returned to consciousness he was on the deck of the Rita with Dee Dee Romano applying mouth-to-mouth resuscitation — even long after he was awake. Andrews spent the next two days in bed, vainly trying to convince Romano of his strange encounter. To his credit, even though Romano never quite believed him, he never left the bed. Almost even doubting himself, Andrews says "But still, I do have the pearls they gave me. Plus the distinct aroma of fish in my nostrils, and there's nowhere else that could have come from."
[edit] Missing Miss Adventure Rises Again
Weekly World News Issue: May 2, 2005
Tagline: The Gayest American Hero Has Been Found!
On April 17, 2005, Weekly World News received a collect call from Kevin Andrews. The call originated in Ft. Lauderdale where Andrews, his friend and trainer, Danny "Dee Dee" Romano, 62, Donnie Saknussemin, 35 and Hans Brinker, 22 — accompanied by a 2-year-old male domestic duck named Gertrude — had been arrested for indecent exposure. The resurfacing of Miss Adventure brought to an end the month-long mystery concerning his whereabouts. Released on bail, Miss Adventure gave the complete story of his long, arduous trek to the Earth's core. "I spent a whole month going down", Andrews proclaimed, "which even for me is something of a record."
The excursion began in West Hollywood, California. " Dee Dee and I were visiting his cousins, the Funicellos, when we dropped by a local gay bar", Miss Adventure said. There, Dee Dee and Andrews ran into Donnie Saknussemin and his new boyfriend, a foreigner from Holland named Hans Brinker. According to Miss Adventure, Donnie Saknussemin is a rather short, fat chef and Hans Brinker is a "tall, blond hunk" who claimed to be the descendant of the little Dutch boy who saved his town from flooding by sticking his finger in a dike.
Saknussemin invited Andrews and Romano to his table for drinks, where Saknussemin proposed his newfound friends join him for a journey to the center of the Earth. The gay chef explained that the trip was a family tradition and that there had been many passages to the planet's core. The first man to make the journey was Donnie's 16th-century ancestor, Sak Saknussemin. He had been cruising the Mediterranean when he discovered a big, dark hole in Valencia. He packed a bag and entered; six months later he returned with maps of the "secret world". He later was insitutionalized. By following those maps, however, a titled 19th-century Saknussemin attempted a similar passage in Africa, where he ran afoul of pygmies and become a trophy of the smallish fellows. In 1954, yet another Saknussemin disappeared while driving through the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel in New York, but this mishap was unrelated.
Before the excursion, Dee Dee waxed his surfboard and Donnie bought lamps and a really long extension cord. Hans purchased a duck so that Donnie could feed everyone if things turned for the worst. Miss Adventure and company found themselves starting their trip in Bronson Canyon in the heart of Hollywood, where a crack in one wall connected to a pathway that led to an underground ocean thousands of miles beneath the Earth's surface. Andrews claimed that they each made scientific discoveries and Miss Adventure took great pride in showing Hans his "igneous rocks"; Hans proudly displayed a "giant lizard" he had discovered and kept in his pocket. They shed their by-then tattered clothes and crossed the subterranean sea on Romano's surfboard, coming upon a tiny island with a small shack on the shore. Miss Adventure notes that it had obviously been built by Sak Saknussemin, who carved his initials in the door. During the group's rest break, they were awakened by the sound of rumbling, cause by a geyser which had been the reason Sak Saknussemin had left the cozy cabin. While Hans searched frantically for a dike that was flooding the island, Romano urged his travelers to follow him on his surfboard to the upward flow. "It was scary but oh so exciting to ride that shaft!" recalles Miss Adventure. The geyser was a direct conveyance to the surface world in the Atlantic Ocean just north of the Straits of Florida, where the nude men were promptly arrested.
[edit] Miss Adventure Becomes The Gayest American Astronaut
Weekly World News Issue: May 9, 2005
Taglines: "I've never ridden on a rocket that had so much thrust!" and "Thank God I was wearing flats!"
On April 11, 2005, NASA rejoined the space race after a two-year hiatus and successfully launched the Space Shuttle Atlantis, bringing it safely back to earth the following day. The top-secret relaunch was a complete triumph; however, there were two glitches. Firstly, the launch was not supposed to take place for another six months: secondly, it was piloted by Miss Adventure, not a trained crew.
Miss Adventure and his close companion and mentor Danny 'Dee Dee' Romano had driven from their modest home in Teaneck, New Jersey, to the Florida Space Center. They arrived on a Saturday afternoon and immediately went to see Dr. P.T. Donovan, Romano's 42 year old nephew, who was also the launch supervisor. Since Cape Canaveral, JFK, and the space race ambiance screamed the 1960s to Andrews, he went with a look inspired by that decade in general. That's how he happened to be wearing a lemon yellow blouse and hot pink capri pants.
After lunch, Donovan offered to show his guests the space shuttle. Dressed as he was, he was able to breach security by being mistaken for Donovan's girlfriend. Donovan accidentally pushed the buttons that launched the shuttle. Miss Adventure later learned that it requires six million pounds force (27 MN) of thrust from the solid rocket boosters to achieve takeoff. Donovan, Dee Dee, and Andrews dived for the bucket seats and strapped themselves in as the crushing G-forces mounted. "It was the first time I was mounted by anything like that!" Miss Adventure declared. After the boosters were jettisoned and the brutal acceleration stopped, the Atlantis automatically settled into orbit. After orbiting for approximately 26 hours, Space Shuttle Atlantis reentered the Earth's atmosphere at a height of 400,000 feet. The ship's autopilot managed a smooth touchdown, after which the three astronauts were immediately taken into custody.
NASA threatened to throw the book at the reluctant space travelers, even though they had established several records in orbit — not all of them scientific. However, after a long closed-door meeting with the top brass, all charges were dropped.
[edit] Diary Of A Mafia Prince
Weekly World News Issue: May 16, 2005
Taglines: "I do some of my best work under cover." and "I was sure my cover had been blown — which is the only time that word has frightened me."
After hitting the lecture circuit in late April 2005, Miss Adventure made a scheduled appearance at a New York social club called The Friends Of Pussy Vivino. There he met Tony Gavone, 24, who attended with his father, Salvatore, and his father's business associates — Big Bussy Cato, Small Pussy Gallo, and Little Pussy Boots. After Tony's father excused himself from the table, young Tony took the opportunity to buy Miss Adventure a drink. At first, Andrews wondered whether the younger Gavone was gay. When he learned that Tony's nickname did not have 'pussy' in it, he stopped wondering. Tony invited Andrews home after the drink, when he still had no idea he was Mafiosi. He was too busy sizing up Tony's 'attributes'. "Let's put it this way", Andrews said, "— that wasn't exactly a horse's head I had in my bed."
It wasn't until the small hours of the night that Andrews was shocked by Tony's nocturnal admission of his mob connections. Tony also confessed that his father was the Mafia boss of bosses, known in criminal circles as the Capo di tutti capi, the title which the elder Gavone wanted his son to inherit. Tony knew there'd be hell to pay if the mob found out that he was gay. Miss Adventure comforted the young Gavone by saying telling him if he never becomes Capo di tutti capi, maybe he could become Capo di tutti frutti.
Despite Miss Adventure's reservations, romance blossomed quickly between him and Tony. Within days the smitten mob heir suggested that he and Andrews take their relationship to the next level. Tony wanted Kevin Andrews to join the family by becoming a gangster. It was Miss Adventure's intention to turn down Gavone's unconventional proposal. However, Andrews was persuaded to change his mind — by none other than the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Two government agents, one named Agent Brasco, approached Andrews and told him that the agency had been monitoring his relationship with Tony and decided he was in a position to bring down the entire Gavone Family. "They said I was in several positions", confided Andrews. The following night, Miss Adventure dressed in his best formal gown in order to give the impression that Gavone was dating a woman. Andrews had already been wired by the FBI, who had to do both breasts in case his nipple ring shorted one out.
After a delightful dinner, Andrews waited while Gavone hailed a cab. The young couple was soon approached by Bobby (Cheshire Pussy) Cassoto and Pierino (Persian Pussy) Como, two soldiers in the Gavone Borgata. Not knowing what to expect, one of the pussies smiled at Tony and said "Hey pretty boy! Guess who wants to meet your girlfriend?"
[edit] Undercover With The Mob — Part Two
Weekly World News Issue: May 23, 2005
Taglines: "I'd hate to tell you what I did with nine guys before I found out that WHACK meant I was supposed to kill them.
Continued from Diary Of A Mafia Prince...
Andrews was left in full drag as he and Tony were escorted by Mafia goons Bobby (Cheshire Pussy) Cassoto and Pierino (Persian Pussy) Coma to the Gavone home in Brooklyn, New York. When they arrived, Miss Adventure's encounter with the senior Gavone got off to a bad start. Salvatore's voice was so hushed and mumbled that Andrews was forced to hug him to his bosom so the wire in his breast would pick up his voice. The old man was pleased and from that point on, the meeting went so well that the elder Gavone didn't even blink an eye when Tony said his "girlfriend" wanted to be more than just a female enforcer. Salvatore smiled and handed over a hit list. That made the FBI so happy Miss Adventure's wired breasts yelled "Yippee!", but this was concealed by the vest Andrews was wearing.
For the following week, Andrews planted the death kiss on Gavone enemies, after which his "victims" were rushed into the FBI's witness protection program. Miss Adventure's bogus crime spree all but destroyed his romance with Tony Gavone. Meanwhile, as the FBI pressed Andrews to put the Gavones behind bars, Salvatore Gavone continued to press his nose between Andrews' breasts. Miss Adventure knew it was only matter of time before his false bosoms slipped, blowing his cover and exposing Tony as a gay Mafioso — a fatal combination. This was a situation that called for drastic measures; Andrews had to put Tony in a position where neither the Mob nor the feds would dare lay a hand on him. Miss Adventure used the so-called 'gay mafia' — men who actually helped one another through their network of contacts.
Thanks to friends-of-friends who worked in the media, Andrews helped Tony Gavone get into TV. He is now the hot young star of the smash reality show Growing Up Gavone. Tony's romance with Andrews is over, ended by the slew of public girlfriends and private boyfriends drawn to the new celebrity.
[edit] Disaster At Sea (The Upside-Down Escapade!)
Weekly World News Issue: May 30, 2005
Taglines: "That's the last time I get on anything bigger than a dinghy!" and "It wasn't until I found myself on top of a sailor that I knew the ship was upside down."
After his recent exploits, Miss Adventure had hoped for a few days and night of R and R. Instead, having booked himself and Danny "Dee Dee" Romano on a cruise to the Bahamas, he almost went down for the last time — in the treacherous waters of the Bermuda Triangle. Andrew and Romano boarded the Salty Queen in New York on May 15 and settled back in their deck chairs for a well-earned break from their many perilous exploits.
The remainder of the trip to the Bahamas proved more uneventful except for Romano's attempt to water-ski behind the cruise ship. Following several luxurious days on Paradise Island, the tanned twosome boarded the Salty Queen for the return cruise to Manhattan. It was then that all hell — and high water — broke loose. According to Andrews, all through the morning the ship was lightly buffeted by trade winds, but after lunch they became 'rough trade' winds. The ship was then hit by waves, each one larger than the last. While Miss Adventure took the storm in his high-heeled stride, Dee Dee Romano — having packed his famed longboard — decided to jump ship and surf home.
As evening approached, total disaster finally struck the Salty Queen in the form of a seven-story-high wave that turned the cruise ship complete upside down. Before Miss Adventure could seek freedom by climbing to the bottom of the ship, another wave hit hard and the versatile vessel righted itself. Being naked, Andrews quickly slipped on his bathing suit. He made his way to the deck and calmly strolled to one of the lifeboats, where he gently knocked nine or ten of his fellow passengers out of the way. Seamen started to roll back the canvas on the last lifeboat. However, before they could finish, another wave hit the boat in the rear, causing Miss Adventure to fall forward into the boat, being the only passenger, as it broke free of the ship. Miss Adventure was cast adrift in a raging storm.
Kevin Andrews was spotted two days later by a Navy cruiser patrolling the Bermuda Triangle. He had used his stitch scissors to cut the canvas into the shape of a protective but fashionable burnoose and was casually typing away on his laptop. The crew of the Scuttlebutt recognized Andrews from his Weekly World News photo and quickly piped him aboard. Using wi-fi, Andrews accessed internet sounds of female seagulls and played them. When the male birds came to check them out, Miss Adventure grabbed them and ate them. "It wasn't quite the vacation I planned for myself, but I had a happy reunion with 'Dee Dee' under the Parachute Jump and quite a story to tell my readers", Andrews said.
[edit] Miss Adventure Rides Again
Weekly World News Issue: June 6, 2005
Tagline: "I not only cleaned up the West, I redecorated it" and "I was disappointed to learn that the correct bronco-busting phrase is 'ride 'em cowboy!' and not the suggestion 'ride them cowboys'"
Following his undercover work for the FBI, Andrews took on another secret assignment at a Custerville, Ariz. ranch managed by two schoolmates of Danny "Dee Dee" Romano, his friend and mentor. The ranch managers bought a used kitchen stove from the unscrupulous owner of the Really Long Branch Saloon. The saloon was run by a former Parisian clothes designer called Basic Black Bart. When Dee Dee's friends came home and started preparing dinner, the stove blew up. They demanded a new stove, Basic Black Bart refused to comply, and they asked Miss Adventure to get it for them.
Andrews first sight of the Bar Two-C ranch wasn't promising. Dee Dee introduced him to his friends, a couple named Spin Sperry and Marty McGurk. Miss Adventure's first few days were enjoyable, but being anxious to meet Basic Black Bart, he moseyed over on the third night to the Really Long Branch Saloon, ordered a Cosmopolitan and asked to see the proprietor. In no time at all Andrews was staring into the ugly mug of a man with jet black hair and a matching mustache. He was smoking a big black cigar.
After exchanging harsh words, Miss Adventure found himself eating dust in the middle of the street. Miss Adventure rethought his cruise-and-confront strategy. The following day, Miss Adventure galloped into town dressed as a horse. His plan was to eavesdrop on Basic Black Bart, find evidence to lock him in the jail, and switch the stoves while he was incarcerated. On the third day of being in disguise, Basic Black Bart's right handed man, Ace High, saw Miss Adventure hitching himself to the post in front of the saloon. He told his boss and Andrews was dragged out of town to be lynched. As Bart put the noose around his neck, Andrews could think of only one thing: "I'd lived like a horse, and now I was going to be hung like a horse."
[edit] Miss Adventure Ridin' The West
170px|left|thumb|Basic Black Bart hired "Kitten Caboodle" on the spot as one of his showgirls.
Weekly World News Issue: June 13, 2005
Tagline: "They call me Kitten Caboodle"
Just as Basic Black Bart's henchmen were about to introduce Miss Adventure to what he suspected was not autoerotic asphyxiation, Danny "Dee Dee" Romano showed up. Dee Dee happened to see Andrews with the rope around his neck and roused the town marshal, and they rode to his rescue. Marshal Fields shot through the rope just in time, though the henchmen escaped just before they could be caught. The day after the attempted lynching, Basic Black Bart's right-hand man, a "handsome brute" called Aces High, visited Andrews in his bed.
Circumstances demanded another of Miss Adventure's fabulous disguises. The following night, Kevin Andrews dressed as a gorgeous dance hall girl, resplendent in pink ruffles and feathers, and sashayed into the Really Long Branch looking for work. Posing as "Kitten Caboodle", Bart hired her on the spot. For the rest of the week he performed nightly at the saloon while trying to gather evidence against Bart. Andrews was a smash singing songs, but was less successful getting the evidence he needed. Miss Adventure came up with a deeper ploy. He purposely hinted that Kitten Caboodle was Miss Adventure in order to lure Bart from the saloon. Then, while Bart was away Spin, Marty, and Dee Dee would simply switched the damaged stove for the saloon's new one.
The plan worked and Bart caught Miss Adventure changing clothes. Basic Black Bart drew his gun and was about to shoot Andrews when Aces High burst into the room, felled Bart with one blow, and turned him over to Marshal Fields. The following day, Dee Dee and Andrews packed to return home to Teaneck, New Jersey. Before leaving, Miss Adventure visited the jail and dropped off Kitten's outfit.
[edit] Miss Adventure Conquers The Prix!
190px|left|thumb|Miss Adventure made a quick pit stop in front of Gimaldi Palace.
Weekly World News Issue: June 20, 2005
Tagline: Drag queen RACES to find the right formula and "I never even stripped my gears!"
After returning from Arizona, Andrews planned a quiet weekend at home in Teaneck, New Jersey. Instead Danny "Dee Dee" Romano booked the two of them on a flight to Monaco where — without Andrew's knowledge — he had scheduled his friend to drive in the annual Grand Prix motor race. Andrews explained how Dee Dee became involved in the race. One of Dee Dee's oldest friends was Malibu's Benny "Big Drag" Rickles. Since the 1960s, Rickles has managed the only drag strip in the entire country run exclusively for transvestites. At 79, Rickles is still the queen of the dragsters. As he told Dee Dee, though, the one thing he had never done was to have one of his custom cars in the Grand Prix. Dee Dee set about to make that happen with Miss Adventure.
They met at the track by Big Drag and his car, the V8-Topper. The car was pink and low slung, with an impressive tailpipe. The day before the race, Big Drag warned Andrew about a cryptic missive from Malibu. The horribly written note, which came from someone calling himself the "Mashed Marble", read, "Your days are numbered."
Andrews took the car for a spin and almost at once he experienced a seres of mishaps. The first time Andrews stepped on the gas, the car shot into reverse and he wound up in a local casino. Then the engine fell out and finally his back tires flew off and Miss Adventure dragged his rear end 50 yards before he could stop. Clearly, the Mashed Marble was trying to make good on his threat. Desperate measures were necessary, and Dee Dee Romano put in an emergency call to his cousin at the Kennedy Space Center. On the day of the Grand Prix, Andrews hopped in a car whose tank was filled with space shuttle fuel. As a gunshot signaled the start of the race, Andrews floored the gas pedal in high heels and took off. The V-8 Topper left the ground for a few miles, but despite the handicap when the dust had settled, Miss Adventure had run the race. Returning home, Romano and Andrews found a package that had been delivered from the mysterious enemy, The Mashed Marble. As near as they could figure it out after they soaked it in the jacuzzi and called the local bomb squad, it read "Wet Meat Again, Miss Adventure!"
[edit] Thirty Spanks for Miss Adventure
Weekly World News Issue: June 27, 2005
Tagline: "All your wishes can come true - If you put your lips together and blow."
Out of all of his adventures, nothing could prepare him for his most personal challenge - his 30th birthday.
Andrews' friend, mentor, and housemate Danny "Dee Dee" Romano, made all the preparations before Andrews could stop him. Romano issued the invitations, bought festive decorations, arranged the catering, and - because he insisted on lighting every candle on the cake - took out extra fire insurance on the house.
Out of all of his adventures, nothing could prepare him for his most personal challenge - his 30th birthday.
Andrews' friend, mentor, and housemate Danny "Dee Dee" Romano, made all the preparations before Andrews could stop him. Romano issued the invitations, bought festive decorations, arranged the catering, and - because he insisted on lighting every candle on the cake - took out extra fire insurance on the house.
Among the guests invited to the part were several who had shared Miss Adventure's amazing exploits, including NASA's P.T. Donovan, who had accidentally launched Andrews and himself in the Space Shuttle Atlantis; Benny "Big Drag" Rickles, who manages the only drag strip in the United States run exclusively for transvestites; Spin Sperry and Marty McGurk, who run an Arizona dude ranch for gay caballeros; and Han Brinker and Gertrude, his duck, with whom Andrews had a fling at the earth's core. Secretly gay TV star Tony Gavone was also asked, but declined on the pretext that he had to spend the weekend cleaning out his closet. Dottie, Miss Adventure's mother, was invited as well.
Andrews and Romano also heard from someone who was very much uninvited. They received a poorly scribbled note from the Mashed Marble eventually deciphered reading "No happy returns of the day for you!"
Despite the ominous threat, the party was a success. Andrews received all the presents traditionally bestowed on a man of his age and station - cosmetics, wigs, facials, support hose, gym memberships, complimentary Botox injections, canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. Andrews was undergoing his fifth spanking when Romano and Rickles wheeled in a 6-foot-high birthday cake ablaze with candles.
Suddenly, the sound of classic disco filled the room and the cake began to vibrate. The top burst open and out climbed a young man dressed in nothing but a g-string. He identified himself as Mikhail the Russian Stud and said he was a birthday remembrance from and 'old friend.'
All at once, the front door burst open and FBI Agent Brasco, who had pressured Andrews to inform on the Mob, pushed a little fat man into the room. Brasco explained that the Fiorelloesque gentleman, named Gary the Pig, had been hired by a mysterious underworld figure seeking the death of Miss Adventure. Agent Brasco produced a note that had given Mr. Pig his instructions. After careful analysis, it was determined that the plot involved concealing a Russian-made warhead in Miss Adventure's birthday cake, set to explode when he blew out the candles. Mr. Pig misread the note, however, and, in lieu of a Russian SCUD missile, had hired a Russian stud name Mikhail.
After Brasco, Pig and the guests had departed, Miss Adventure played with his gift - Mikhail. An hour later, the doorbell rang. Kevin went to see who was there. He found three clean-cut young men who introduced themselves as the King brothers from nearby Paramus. They explained that they saw a divine light burning bright in the East, which Miss Adventure silently identified as his birthday cake. The oldest King asked if they were in time to witness the Second Coming - and they were.
