Love stinks

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For the album by J. Geils Band go to Love Stinks.
Love Stinks is a segment of "Dating, Acme Acres Style", an episode of the animated television show Tiny Toon Adventures.



[edit] Synopsis

Calamity Coyote, while trying to capture his meal, the roadrunner named Little Beeper, accidentilly ends up convered in black tar with a white feathered stripe down his back. He immediately becomes the object of Fifi Le Fume's affections, as she intends to capture the terrified boy "skunk" at any cost.


[edit] Summary

Hungry, Calamity Coyote devises a new scheme to trap the local roadrunner, Little Beeper. He builds a device in front of the Acme Acres Junkyard that will, at the precise time, drop a can of tar onto the lightning-fast Little Beeper and render him immobile. However, the plan does not go off as expected and Little Beeper runs by the trap without any trouble. Calamity goes to investigate, and sure enough, the trap springs on him instead. Calamity smoothly avoides the falling tar, only to trip an instant later and topple face-down into the puddle. Covered from head to toe in the sticky black substance, a chicken that had been nesting on his trap is startled and flutters over him, dropping a perfect line of white feathers down onto his back.

Standing up, but still unable to move his feet from the tar he's stuck in, Calamity is greeted by a swooning "Ooh la la! Mon petite skunk hunk!" Via "Fifi-Vision" we see her heart-shaped perspective zoom-in directly onto the stripe down Calamity's back. Fifi Le Fume mistakes him for a boy of the same species and makes a mad-dash in his direction, screaming, "Hold me!" As she closes in, the animators educate us as to her proper scientific classification: "Sexius Skunkius", which would be (fake) Latin for "Sexy Skunk". Calamity sticks out his arms to ward her off and frantically shakes his head, trying to indicate that it is all a big misunderstanding. Fifi is not deterred in the slightest. Now terrified out of his mind at the incoming amorous skunk, Calamity attempts without success to free his legs from the tar. He is too late, and within seconds Fifi captures him; leaping onto him and wrapping her legs and arms tightly around his whole body. She snuggles her face close against her captured lover and coos, "Ohhh, at last I have found you, mon reason for puberty!"

Calamity has a look of shear terror and confusion on his face as Fifi gazes romatically into his eyes. Fifi then proceeds to smother the helpless Calamity in dozens and dozens of kisses all over his body, while her clouds of yellow-green stench fill the air. Calamity, woozy and queasy from the putrid odor, desperately attempts to push Fifi away. Bigger and stronger than her petite "skunk hunk", she easily overpowers him and continues her mad flurry of unstoppable kisses, giggling flirtatiously. Trapped and desperate, Calamity inhales a mighty lung-full of her noxious stink, inflating his chest to a massive degree. This does not shake Fifi off, as she still remains wrapped tightly around him, smooching him uncontrollably. Finally, Calamity exhales all at once and the gale-force is enough to not only free him from Fifi's powerful embrace, but from the tar sticking him to the ground, as well. Fifi drops to the ground but recovers swiftly. Still incredibly smitten, she calmly watches Calamity flee down the street and sighs, "Intelligent boys are such a tease!"

Thinking he's lost Fifi for good, and more interested in eating Little Beeper than removing the tar and feathers from himself, Calamity continues with his lunch-plans. Climbing inside a small jet with an open cockpit, Calamity prepares to fly down and grab his prey. Just then, Fifi shows up hot on Calamity's trail, calling out, "Where are you, my leettle mensa man?" Seeing Calamity (screaming in terror) heading directly for her in his jet, Fifi shouts "He wants to fly into my heart!" and opens her arms wide, ready to pluck him out of his seat. In no hurry to be captured a second time, Calamity manages to curve around Fifi's grasp and towards Little Beeper. However, right as he's about to grab his victim, his jet turns itself around and heads directly back toward Fifi (much to Calamity's fright). It turns out that, while she wasn't able to grab her target, she did manage to take the remote control for the jet. Fifi brings the jet to her side and offers, "Coffee, tea, or moi?" Calamity grabs the remote from her before she can grab him and instantly sends the jet in the opposite direction at full-speed. That, unfortunately, slams him right into a brick wall. Fifi responds, "Love hurts, no?" and smiles at the camera.

Calamity, thinking he's escaped Fifi at last, and still not caring about the tar he's covered in, devises his newest trap to catch Little Beeper. He sets up a robotic female roadrunner that, when activated with a remote, can transform into an escape-proof cage. Calamity tests it out, and Little Beeper seemingly falls for it, immediately running up to the female robot who beckons him over with a dropped hanky. Calamity snickers devilishly, and while he is not looking, Little Beeper takes out a remote control of his own and transforms the female robot roadrunner into a female robot coyote. The robotic coyote winks in Calamity's direction. Excited about seeing a girl that does not come with a putrid stench, Calamity immediately tries to woo her. Little Beeper than activates his remote and the female coyote transforms into the escape-proof cage.

Enraged, Calamity tugs at the metal bars, trying to get out. A yellow-green fume of foul odor catches his nose and Calamity nervously looks over to find that he's not just trapped in the cage, but he's trapped in the cage with Fifi! Fifi does not say a word, but instead clasps her hands and swoons in his direction as her stink grows more powerful. Calamity's knees shake, his teeth chatter and he begins to tremble uncontrolably with fright, backing away to the other end of the cage. With nowhere for her prey to escape, Fifi slowly creeps up on him. She then grabs her timid prisoner, lifts him off his feet and into the air, wrapping him up tightly in her arms, and smootches his lips with dozens of wild kisses, sending spit flying in every direction.

Terrified more than ever, Calamity attempts to run away at top-speed, but goes nowhere as Fifi keeps him locked in her all-powerful embrace. Calamity eventually collapses from exhaustion and Fifi squeezes his limp body tight, sighing, "You do not need a cage to catch me, my leettle transformer of love!" She then sets the woozy Calamity down, takes his right leg firmly in her hands and begins a long string of kisses back and forth from his shoes to his tail. The cage begins to fill completely with clouds of her powerful stink as Calamity comes to. Calamity, helpless, stares in fright at the smooching skunkette latched tightly onto his leg. Suddenly having a brainstorm, he grabs a nail-file from his pocket and futily attempts to saw through the bars. All the while, Fifi continues to grip tightly to his leg and smother it in kisses, confident her lover will not be getting away any time soon.

While Calamity desperately tries to file a way to freedom, Little Beeper zooms in (slipping right in-between the bars, no less) and mocks Calamity's stinky situation with a razz of his tongue. Calamity attempts to counter with a razz of his own, but just then, Fifi (noticing Calamity not paying attention to her) drops his leg and snatches him up tightly in her arms. She pulls Calamity as close as physically possible, crushing him against her body. Little Beeper exits to fresh air in a flash as her stench intensifies, leaving Calamity to his fate. As Fifi happily snuggles him, the trapped Calamity takes a wiff of the now darker clouds of odor. His desire to escape re-invigoriated, he manages to free only his arms from Fifi's tremendous hug and continues to saw away at the bars with an even greater resolve. Much to his dismay, his escape attempts prove hopeless as the bars do not give a centimeter.

However, as if to further discourage any dreams of a get-away, Fifi slowly crawls up his back and wraps him up tightly, from his neck to his feet, with her massive and powerful tail. Completely paralyzed, and immersed in the source of Fifi's horrible stench, Calamity watches helplessly as Fifi sits on his shoulders, peers over his head and repeatedly kisses him on the forehead. Calamity recoils in fear as Fifi's lips press down on his head over and over again, but with his body firmly wrapped-up tight, he finds being kissed is not an option. Upside down, Fifi stares deeply and lovingly into his eyes, eventually popping the question, "Will you be my...boyfriend?!"

Probably aware that Calamity can't talk, Fifi takes the silence as a "yes" and joyously begins snuggling her new captured boyfriend. Calamity, meanwhile, is one step away from passing out due to Fifi's tremendous odor; his eyes turning a queasy green swirl and flies buzzing around the rivers of sweat flowing from his head. Fifi continues to snuggle her prisoner of love as the clouds of her odor grow darker and darker. Calamity has a look of utter despair on his face. Eventually, the fumes of putrid stench become so powerful that they actually melt the cage-itself!

Ecstatic at the sight of the melted cage, and the prospect of freedom, Calamity attempts to free himself from his new "girlfriend". However, with Fifi sitting on his shoulders, weighing him down, and her incredible tail coiled tightly around him like a boa constrictor, he finds the escape is not easy. With all his might, Calamity manages to pop himself out of the suffocating embrace on his third attempt. Leaping into the air, he immediately runs away as fast as he can. Fifi, on the other hand, lays smoothly on the ground and remarks, "I sense a fear of commitment!"

Now fully aware of Fifi's frightening level of determination, Calamity realizes that she will never stop trying to catch him so long as he looks like a skunk. Finding a brief moment of escape from the pursuing polecat, he attempts to remove the tar from his fur. He goes through an entire case of tar-remover, but eventually manages to get the sticky goop off, sending it flowing into a puddle by a parking meter. No sooner does he breathe a sigh of relief, Fifi catches up to him. Calamity begins to shiver in abject terror as he hears her voice calling out "I am almost finding you!" She finds him, but does not recognize him without the black fur and the white stripe. Never-the-less she wraps her tail around him and climbs on top of him, searching high and low for her lost boyfriend. She asks, "Excuse moi, sort of nerdy coyote, but have you seen le dilectable boy skunk anywhere?" her voice dripping with enthusiasm.

Holding his nose, Calamity shakes his head and pulls her off of himself. Heartbroken, Fifi lets out a stream of tears and walks away in sorrow, crying, "Le sigh! Alone again! Naturalment! Le boo! Le boo hoo!" As Calamity begins to feel sorry for the lonely skunk, Little Beeper dashes up behind him and lets out a high-pitched wail. The sound frightens Calamity and sends him flying into the air. Little Beeper laughs loudly and runs away backward, pointing and laughing at Calamity. Obviously not looking where he's going, Little Beeper slams into the parking meter and splashes down into the puddle of tar. The tar coats him black from head to toe, and a flurry of stray feathers leave a white stripe down his back.

Seeing this as a prime opportunity to get some revenge, Calamity whistles in Fifi's direction. The lonesome skunk looks over her shoulder and sees the dazed Little Beeper sitting on the sidewalk. She leaps into the air with an explosion of hearts in all directions and zooms toward Little Beeper with an "Ooh la la!" Fifi shouts, "Hold me!" and plucks the unconscious roadrunner by his neck. Snuggling him tight, Fifi squeezes the life out of him in her arms as a thick cloud of green odor forms around the pair. The captured Little Beeper awakens, confused, and gets a nostril-full of her reactivated stench. He emitts a painful scream and barely manages to slip out of her tight embrace. Fifi calmly watches him run away then brushes her hair back, winks at the audience and says, "Thank heaven for leettle boys, no?" She instantly takes off after the fleeing Little Beeper, hopping casually right behind him. After watching the love-struck skunkette chase Little Beeper over the horizon, Calamity leaps joyously into the air, celebrating his escape from Fifi.

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