Little Johnny

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Little Johnny jokes are about a small boy who likes to ask embarrassing questions and has a very straightforward thinking. At times he is well educated in the terminology of sex (then he is known as (Little) dirty Johnny or Little Johnny Fuckerfaster) while at others he is all too innocent. He also has a cousin Dirty Ernie.

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[edit] Little Johnny's personality

Little Johnny is usually portrayed as tactless and outright rude rather than innocent like most other jokes involving children. This adds another layer to the humour since children are supposed to be innocent and naive. Often, he delivers a blow to a political figure. Most Little Johnny jokes involve sex, racism or disrespect to an authority figure.

[edit] Little Johnny's family

When mentioned, Little Johnny's family is usually very dysfunctional. His father has been portrayed as a sexual deviant, an alcoholic, foul mouthed and racist. His mother is almost always portrayed as unfaithful or willing to be unfaithful to her husband. His sister, when mentioned, is usually promiscuous.

[edit] Little Johnny in other countries

Joke characters similar to Little Johnny are known across the world:

[edit] Little Johnny jokes

  • Ms. Smith stopped to reprove Johnny for making faces: "Johnny, when I was small, my mother used to tell me that if I made ugly faces, at some moment it would freeze and stay like that." Johnny looked up at her and thoughtfully replied: "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't forewarned."
  • The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. "What's that?" the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a period." – "Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a period?" – "Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one... Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself."
  • The teacher asked one day, "What is a word that begins with a?" Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher ignored him, thinking that he might say something uncouth. "Apple," another student answered.
Then, she said, "What words begins with b?" Again, Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher ignored him. "Balloon," another student said. Finally, the teacher got down to R, and Little Johnny again raised his hand. She couldn't think of anything particularly dirty that started with R, and finally decided to let him have a chance. "Do you know a word that begins with R?" "Rats!! Big Freakin' Rats!!!"
Alternate punchline: Little Dirty Johnny held his hands as far apart as they would go and shouted out "A Rat with a dick this big!!!"
  • The day after Halloween, Little Johnny sat on the park picnic table, gorging on his candy with sinful abandon. An old lady saw what was happening and said, "That cannot be good for you when you are young. You need to have more concern for your personal health," to which he replied, "My granddaddy lived to be to 100!" "I bet he never had that much sugar in one sitting!" "My granddaddy always minded his own freakin business!"
  • The Sunday school teacher says, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they are naughty?" "Sure! They go out behind the schoolhouse when nobody is watching!"
  • The teacher asked her students, "Who can tell me a story with a moral?" Little Johnny answers, "A majestic eagle sat atop a tree in the forest, in all its glory. A small rabbit saw him, sitting on his butt, doing nothing. The bunny said, 'Can I sit here on my butt and do nothing, too?' 'Sure, why not,' the eagle answered. Then, a fox comes out of the bushes and kills the poor rabbit."
The teacher says, "So the moral is that laziness never pays, right?"
"No, the moral of the story is, In order to sit around on your butt doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up!"
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