Little Britain characters
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The following characters appear in the BBC TV and radio show Little Britain.
[edit] Major characters
The following characters have been major characters throughout the show’s three series.
[edit] First appeared in series 1
[edit] Marjorie Dawes
Played by: Matt Lucas
Catchphrase: "...But you are summin' else!" Also, "Nooooooooooo" (as in "new"), and, "Dust... Anybody? No? Dust..."
She also has a habit of being completely unable to understand Meera, an Indian member of Fatfighters; despite the fact she speaks perfectly clear English.
[edit] Daffyd Thomas
Played by: Matt Lucas
Catchphrase: "I am the only gay in the village."
[edit] Emily Howard
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "I am a laaaady!"
[edit] Lou Todd and Andy Pipkin
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Catchphrases: "Yeah I know,", "I want that one,", "Don't like it," (all three Andy), and, "What a kerfuffle!" (Lou)
Andy seems to like watching monster trucks instead of other videos
[edit] Vicky Pollard
Played by: Matt Lucas
Catchphrases: "Yeah but no but yeah but no but...", "Shut up! I ain't never done nuffin or nuffin!", "Don't go giving me evils!", "Oh my God, I so can't believe you just said that!"
Vicky Pollard has a fast gibberish Bristol accent.
[edit] Sebastian Love
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Whatevah!"
[edit] Prime Minister Michael Stevens
Played by: Anthony Head
Is seen in every episode with Sebastian Love (and also the 'Press Conference' skit which does not feature Sebastian).
[edit] Anne
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Eh eh ehhh!" and "Can I call you back? I'm just in the middle of something."
[edit] Ray McCooney
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Ye-ee-ee-es!"
Owner of a Scottish hotel who answers questions from customers in a diffident manner using riddles, and a (intentionally badly dubbed) flute.
[edit] Dame Sally Markham
Played by: Matt Lucas
Catchphrase: "How many pages?"
[edit] Mr Cleeves
Played by: Matt Lucas
Mr Cleeves is a traditional-looking yet bizarre teacher at Kelsey Grammar School (a reference to actor Kelsey Grammer). Mr Cleeves sets the pupils strange tasks such as finding the square root of Popeye or setting a test on crisps. He also asked for complete silence during a test, but then he does various loud things, like playing the saxophone, hoovering the classroom and setting off fireworks. He also has trouble with reading.
[edit] Ian and Ian, The Record Breakers
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
At the end of each show, two men, both called Ian, with bushy beards and thick jumpers, are trying to set a world record but end up not meeting the requirements.
Examples:
- "Bean bath", but they only have one tin of beans.
- "Domino Toppling", they only bring one box.
- "Bath of Beans", they quickly discover one tin does not fill a bath.
- "Worlds Tallest Man", size of top hat not included, unfortunately.
- "Hard Boiled Egg Eating", Ian eats a full bowl in seconds, however Ian accidentally resets the stopwatch.
- "Smoking" record attempt", where they are unable to find a lighter.
- "House of Cards" attempt, where they decline to read the rules regarding sellotape.
- "Most Maltesers In Mouth" Ian becomes sick.
- "Worlds smallest Ant" attempt, where they are unable to find the ant.
- "Largest Mince Pie" attempt, where after making a large pie they find it will not fit in the oven.
- "Most People in a Mini", An incredible 5 out of 16 people manage the attempt.
[edit] Kenny Craig
Played by: Matt Lucas
Catchphrase: "Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, don't look around the eyes, don't look around the eyes, look into my eyes" (clicks fingers), "you're under." (After dialogue relating to situation), "3, 2, 1... You're back in the room"
Kenny Craig is a stage hypnotist who uses his powers for silly and trivial reasons, like beating his mother at Scrabble (in one instance, by playing the non-existent word "cupboardy"). His powers improve as the show progresses though, in the beginning his powers would sometimes wear off or not work at all but later he could hypnotise a whole audience to believe they have witnessed an incredible hypnotic show.
[edit] Dennis Waterman
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "So they want me to star in it, write the feem toon, sing the feem toon..."
Dennis Waterman is a minute actor who, unfortunately, never gets a part because he insists he should "write the feem toon, sing the feem toon" in every part he gets, much to the dismay of his theatrical agent, Jeremy Rent (Lucas). He bears little resemblance to the real Dennis Waterman, except that his 'feem toons' are usually based on the Minder theme tune that Waterman did write and sing himself (among others). The real Dennis Waterman has been quoted as saying "I did watch it, but I never saw that bit. I just saw a lot of some bloke dressed up as a woman"[1].
[edit] Gary and Jason
Played by: David Walliams (Jason) and Matt Lucas (Gary)
Episodes: Series 1, episodes 1, 2, 7 and 8
Gary and Jason are two friends who always visit Gary's grandmother, on whom Jason has a crush. Jason always tries to play on to Gary's grandmother, by wiping her spillings and sucking her toes, the latter of which makes Gary and Jason fall out. A sketch is included in the Deleted Scenes of the Series 2 DVD, where Jason is having sex with Gary's grandmother. This sketch was originally planned for the TV series, but Matt and David have self-censored themselves by not showing it.
[edit] Mr Mann
Played by: David Walliams
Mr Mann frequently enters a shop, looking for something in particular. The shop, although it sells different items each episode, is always run by the same man, named Roy (Lucas). The sketches' trademarks are Mr Mann's absurdly specific or general requests and Roy's unseen wife Margaret (played by Stirling Gallacher), who gives help from upstairs. She apparently doesn't have any arms or legs. Mr Mann only appeared once in the first series, but was a regular character in the second and third series. These sketches are some of the more traditional in the series, relying not upon shock but more on wordplay and surrealism.
[edit] First appeared in series 2
[edit] Harvey Pincher
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "I want bitty!", "Bitty!"
Harvey Pincher is an upper-class mummy's boy who insists on "bitty", breast milk from his mother (played by Geraldine James) even though he is 25 years old, much to the dismay of his prospective wife and her parents. The sketches follow his engagement to Jane, through to their wedding day. The word "bitty" comes from combining the words "breast" and "titty".
[edit] Bubbles DeVere
Played by: Matt Lucas
Catchphrase: "Call me Bubbles, darling."
Bubbles is an overweight, middle-aged woman who lives at a health spa (Hill Grange, a nod at Grange Hill) despite constantly being harassed for her payment by Mr Hutton (Walliams). The sketches are based on the shock factor, as Bubbles is the first character to go full-frontal — even though her "wobbly bits" are made of latex. She claims that her telephone number is Monte Carlo 123 456 789. The accompanying Series 2 script book shows her bill, which runs to more than five hundred pages, and gives her real name as Mavis DeVere.
[edit] Florence Rose
Played by: Matt Lucas
Florence Rose is a wannabe transvestite and companion of Emily Howard (played by Walliams.). (S)he is even more unconvincing than Emily considering that (s)he has a moustache. (S)he is at one point referred to as "a short fat bloke with a moustache", while attempting to purchase a dress. We found out in the last episode of Series 3 that (s)he is married and his/her real name is Fred.
[edit] Maggie Blackamoor and Judy Pike
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Maggie and Judy are two ladies from the Women's Institute who work at different voluntary or charitable events. They keenly partake in refreshments provided by their hosts, but when informed that anyone involved in its preparation is either from a non-white ethnic background, has no home or is not entirely heterosexual, Maggie proceeds to vomit copiously, often on someone else, as Judy looks on, horrified. The National Federation of Women's Institutes objected to this depiction and the BBC agreed to replace the Women's Institute logo and change the dialogue in subsequent showings of the programme. Series 3 showed them in a variety of different locations instead of the usual village fairs or church events, such as Maggie visiting Judy at home and Maggie recovering in hospital after a kidney transplant.
[edit] Carol Beer
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Computer says no..." *coughs*
Carol Beer worked at a bank in Series Two and had a very close relationship with her computer. When asked by customers if they can take a loan, her answer most of the time is, "Computer says no", or for a change (upon being invited to a dinner with colleagues), "Computer says 'Will Melanie be there?'". She is unwilling to use any human initiative to help customers and will cough in their faces to make them go away. She has a crush on one of her co-workers who enters her office in one sketch. By Series 3, she has changed job and now works in a travel agent in the town of SpongeBob SquarePants, still working very closely with her computer. In the final episode of Series 3, she is dismayed to find that "Computer says yes", before her customer coughs in her face, the way Carol usually does. Also seen in the deleted scenes.
[edit] Linda Flint
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Martin, it's Linda", "That's right, (insulting adjective)"
Linda is a university counsellor who always has a student in her office asking for something, usually course-related. Linda calls a man named Martin to grant the request and is asked to describe the student in question. While she often begins with complimentary descriptors, she ignorantly uses descriptions such as "big fat lesbian", "ching-chong Chinaman" and "Oompa Loompa" after the kinder words fail, much to the shock of the students in question. In the last episode of Series 3, all of the students she had insulted in Series 2 and 3 came to tell her they had placed a formal complaint about her, but she simply ignored them by calling Martin to talk about it and referring to them as "the whole cast of Fraggle Rock".
[edit] First appeared in series 3
[edit] Desiree and Roman DeVere
Played by: David Walliams and Rob Brydon respectively
Catchphrase: "Baby" (as opposed to Bubbles' "Dahling")
Desiree is the brown-skinned rival of Bubbles, who is the new lover of Bubbles' ex-husband, Roman. Desiree, like Bubbles, is an obese woman who frequently appears naked. Roman enjoys watching the two of them wrestling. He divorced Bubbles because she lost an amount of weight.
[edit] Ting Tong Macadandang and Dudley Punt
Played by: Matt Lucas and David Walliams respectively
Catchphrase: ("That's it Ting Tong)"Mr. Dudwey!"
Dudley ordered a Thai bride from his magazine, Thai Brides for You. However, Ting Tong Macadangdang is quite the opposite of the slim, beautiful bride Dudley was expecting. He is not very happy about this, but for sex, he lets her stay "for one more night". Ting Tong has many secrets: her real name is Tong Ting Macadangdang, as it was revealed she is a lady-boy, and she admitted that she comes from Tooting in London, not a remote village in Thailand as she had originally claimed. Ting Tong eventually invited her entire family to the UK, threw Dudley out of his own house and turned it into a Thai restaurant, proving that their relationship was in fact a scam.
[edit] Mrs Emery
Played by: David Walliams
Mrs Emery is an old lady who is never one to back out of a nice long chat. However, she finds it hard to control her bladder. Her sketches attracted controversy soon after the launch of the third series, when they were criticised by the UK incontinence charity, Incontact.
[edit] Sir Norman Fry
Played by: David Walliams
Sir Norman Fry is a Conservative MP who seems to be respectable, and has a wife (played by Matt Lucas) and two children. However, he's always getting caught in compromising situations, which he then has to explain — unconvincingly — at a press conference each time.
Catchphrase: "...and as far as I'm concerned, that is the end of the matter."
[edit] Minor Characters
[edit] First Appeared in Series 1
[edit] Mrs O'Mara
Played By: Matt Lucas
Catchphrase: "Oh, I don't deserve it..."
Episodes: Radio Series 2, Episodes 1 and 3
A elderly woman who always seems to punish herself, even on her birthday. Works 18 hours a DAY at her local church, sits on stones, drinks ditch water, stares at blank paper over a magazine, burns all her belongings and lies in a skip, and many more..."You've already shown me so much kindness this day..."
[edit] The Minstrels
Played By: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 1 and 3
The Minstrels are two minstrels who are seemingly disliked by everyone. They are refused a room at a B&B and are insulted by a radio broadcast.
[edit] Piano Player
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 1, 3, 6 and 8
The Piano Player is an unnamed man who plays at the Uncle Albert Hall. He pauses in his recitals to say or do mindless things, such as checking where his shopping bag is, to read a text message and to tell someone that he forgot to set the video and ask when Sainsbury's closes, before resuming the recital as if nothing had happened.
[edit] Sam Bailey and Lindsay De Paul
Played By: Unknown (Bailey), Matt Lucas (de Paul)
Episodes: Series 1, Episode 2
Sam Bailey is a young man being taught how to drive by ex-policeman Lindsay De Paul (Lucas) (who claims to be a driving instructor, only his other clothes are in the wash). The policeman gets out of the car during the lesson and reprimands Sam for bad driving using stereotypical policeman phrases. This character was also heard on the radio series.
[edit] Rod, Joan and Katy
Played By: Katy - Unknown, Parents - David Walliams (Rod) and Matt Lucas (Joan)
Episodes: Series 1, Episode 2
Katy is a young girl who is suffering in a hospital that has a different name (always a religious figure) with each appearance. Katy is visited by celebrities (including David Soul and Les McKeown) much to the delight of her parents, who try and get free things, such as autographs, from the stars.
[edit] Liz and Clive
Played By: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 2, 4 and 8
Liz and Clive are a middle-aged couple who spend a lot of time eating in their local Chinese restaurant. Liz frequently claims that she was a bridesmaid for Mollie Sugden, which irritates Clive. In the final sketch involving these characters, Mollie Sugden comes to the restaurant and denies any knowledge of Liz, claiming that her friend Helen was the only bridesmaid at her wedding. Liz then throws a knife in her back.
[edit] Denver Mills
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 3, 5 and 6
Denver Mills is a former Olympic silver medallist in the 200 metres and now acts as a guest speaker. His speeches are always politically incorrect and often offensive, such as his speech at a police dinner "We athletes and policeman are similar, we both spend a lot of time chasing blacks".
[edit] Sir Bernard Chumley
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 3, 5 and 7
Sir Bernard Chumley is a faded actor who looks after his sister Kitty, who is disabled after an accident. Bernard is adamant that he isn't responsible for her disability, often telling guests of his innocence even though no-one asks. The character of Chumley is probably the oldest Little Britain character, having appeared in a live-stage show in the early 90s (where Walliams and Lucas met for the first time), his own six-part television series in the late 90s, and a cameo in Shooting Stars.
[edit] April and Neville
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 1, Episode 4
April (Walliams) and Neville (Lucas) are two supposed First Aid experts. Neville is a young boy with little experience, while April (with an exemplorary safety record of only four deaths) is supposedly experienced, though she uses variety of mints instead of medical procedures to treat patients. Although several sketches involving the two characters were made, only one made the final cut because the creators believed that the characters didn't work on the TV. One of the sketches that was cut showed Neville having to take the blame for a man dying after giving him a mint crumblie, and eventually being sacked. They can however be seen outside the office of Dennis Waterman's agent, watching Mimo, the literal mime.
[edit] Peter Andre
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 4 and 5
Peter Andre is a royal correspondent who gets the sack after first making bizarre and inaccurate claims about the Royal Family (such as Prince Charles having magical powers, describing The Queen as "The Main One"), and declaring his love for Princess Anne through song. The character's name is a reference to the singer. In one of his appearances he is singing an ode to Princess Anne to the tune of Greensleeves.
[edit] Des Kaye
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Wicky Woo!" "Top of the morning where's me breakfast" (Croc-O-Dile)
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 4, 5 and 6
Des Kaye is a rejected children's TV host who works in a DIY store. He is often seen annoying the other members of staff with his puppet (called Croc-O-Dile) and his frequent sayings of "Wicky Woo". He is thought to be a spoof of Timmy Mallett. The Series 1 DVD contains a deleted scene showing Des visiting a children's hospital and accidentally unplugging a patient's life support machine while trying to play some cheerful music on a tape recorder. He appears on the radio series and in the Little Britain live stage show.
According to the Radio Series, he was sacked from his "Fun Bus" show because of gross indecency - "Are you telling me you've never had a wank in the toilet?"
[edit] Matthew Waterhouse
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 4, 5, 6 and 7
Catchphrase: "Got another one!" and (slaps his hand on the desk)"Hows that for starters!"
Matthew Waterhouse is an inventor who comes up with very silly and crazy ideas for musicals, board games, impersonators and cereals, with a sketch on each subject. An example of one of his ideas is "Sugar Poofs: Real gay men frosted with sugar." or "John McCarthy-a-gram: I come in, handcuff myself to the radiator and talk about my time as a hostage in the Lebanon!" The character's name is a reference to the actor Matthew Waterhouse who played the character of Adric in the television science-fiction series Doctor Who in the early 1980s.
[edit] Sandra and Ralph Patterson
Played by: David Walliams (Sandra), Adam Donkin (Ralph)
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 4, 6 and 7
Sandra Patterson is a mother who is determined for her son Ralph (which she pronounces as "Raif", a reference to Ralph Fiennes) to get into acting. She seems to be nice, but behind-the-scenes she is evil to him as he fails to get the part he auditions for every single time. They appeared in the radio series under the names of Sandra and Olivier Laurence, a play on the name of the actor Laurence Olivier. She goes to such lengths to get him parts, that she pretends it's his birthday, and even that he's dying, and even threatening to "tell em' you touched him!"
[edit] Janet and Eileen
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Episodes: Series 1, Episode 5
Eileen is comforting her sister Janet, who is grieving over the death of her husband Ivor. However, her job is made quite difficult due to Janet breaking out in tears every time Eileen mentions the slightest word that reminds Janet of Ivor. At first they are simple things like penguins and a mug, but soon it continues with much more absurd things such as the name Ivor which makes Eileen cry out: Ivor! That's the name of Ivor!". And when Janet uses the word 'Yeah', Janet cries out: "That's the word Ivor used to use, when he wanted to answer in the affirmative. When he wanted to respond in a casual manner as an alternative to a more formal 'yes'." Eileen eventually gives up.
[edit] Edward and Samantha Grant
Played by: David Walliams and Helen Coker respectively
Episodes: Series 1, Episodes 5 and 7
Edward Grant is a schoolteacher married to his ex-pupil Samantha. He claims that they share an ordinary marriage just like any other, but he often treats her like a school pupil, such as "The bell is a signal for me, not for you" upon the doorbell ringing and "You copied Nigella Lawson's work!" upon Samantha's revelation that she used a Nigella Lawson sorbet recipe.
[edit] Whitelaw
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, Episode 6
Whitelaw shops at her local Cancer Appeal shop for clothes that people have died in. The clerk doesn't know if anybody has died in clothes and therefore the shopper puts nearly everything down. She does however buy some silk pyjamas when one of the staff reveals that someone did die in them. Her name is revealed in the Little Britain: The Complete Scripts and Stuff book.
[edit] Len Boothe
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, Episode 7
Len Booth is a man taking tourists on a tour of Pove. He describes everything they pass by telling them what he and his wife had done there (e.g., "That's where me and my wife first kissed...") getting increasingly graphic as he goes along.
[edit] Boris
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, Episode 8
Boris is an immigrant Russian babysitter who teaches a child about communism, while at the same time proving to be an effective babysitter (He taught the baby its first words: "Comrade Stalin salutes you"). He appears in two continuous sketches, in one episode only.In his last sketch he says that he has a brother which is bad but is trying to be good.In one sketch the song Babooshka is played.
[edit] Mimo
Played by: Paul Putner
Episodes: Before Dennis Waterman sketches
Mimo is a "literal mime", who, instead of miming things, actually does them (example: eating a banana).
[edit] First appeared in series 2
[edit] PCs Bryce and Rawlinson
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 2, Episode 3
PCs Bryce and Rawlinson are two policemen who have bad news to report to Mrs Harris, whose husband Ken has been killed. However, at first, the two policemen report the news to the wrong Mrs Harris, before finding the right person and then making a joke about the incident with the other Mrs Harris. Also heard on the radio series.
[edit] Mr T Lookalike
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 2, episode 3
The Mr T Lookalike is a man who bumps into an unnamed character (Walliams) at his local gym. Walliams tells the Mr. T lookalike that he looks like the real Mr. T, of whom the lookalike is unaware, despite having a glass of milk with him at the gym and driving an A-Team van.
[edit] Viv Tudor
Played by: Matt Lucas
Catchphrase: "Oh, he was gaaawgeous!"
Episodes: Series 2, Episodes 3 and 5
Viv is a jewellery shop owner who has been robbed, however she has a huge crush on the robbers. and describes them by saying, "Oh, he was gaaawgeous! Phowarr!" Viv was heard much more frequently on the radio series, most notably visiting a zoo and saying that all the animals were similarly attractive. "Look at that thorax! Oh baby, what an abdomen!" In her last appearance of Viv she said no to the men she didn't like the look of for the only time. She, however, does not find Jesus Christ gorgeous - "Oh that's nice..."
[edit] Newsagent
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 2, Episode 4
The Newsagent has a customer (Walliams) and asks him questions based on what he is buying (e.g., "Hungry?", "Thirsty?", "Looking to catch up with the day's news and sports?"). At the end of the sketch, the customer picks up a porn magazine and the newsagent asks, "Planning a wank?"
[edit] Michael Dinner
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 2, Episodes 4 and 5
Michael Dinner (also known as The Posh Diner) is a man who is always seen in a restaurant. In each of his sketches he is approached by a waiter and orders posh dishes, before ordering something stupid and basic (such as Um Bongo, Hubba Bubba or Monster Munch) as the waiter walks away. Michael also appeared on the Comic Relief episode and in the deleted scenes of the second series. Whilst the name 'Dinner' refers rather unambiguously to the setting, it does also appear to be a rather unflattering reference to Michael Winner.In the deleted scenes he requests two packets of Quavers crisps. His name is revealed in the Little Britain top trump cards.
[edit] Doug Ramsay
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 2, episode 5
Doug Ramsay is a Scottish drugs counsellor who, having had a past life with drugs, give out helpful (yet abusive) advice to others. It also appears he cannot count. In the sketch, an elderly woman comes to one of his meetings, having mistaken it for a cake decorating class, however Doug will not allow her to leave as he thinks her story is just an excuse to escape the meeting. He turns out to be right too, as her knowledge of "Coke" being a term for Cocaine indicates she really is a junkie. Doug first featured in a deleted Peter Andre sketch in series 1. There are a lot more scenes featuring Doug on the Deleted Scenes of the Series 2 DVD.
[edit] Dr Lowe
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 2, Episode 5
Dr Lowe is a psychiatrist who is always seen in a session with a patient. When the patient leaves, Dr. Lowe instantly makes a phonecall to tell somebody about the problems his clients have faced in a very gossipy way, e.g., "Guess what... she's been 'avin' it off with his brother! Yeah I know... dirty cow!". Also seen on the deleted scenes.
[edit] Mrs B
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 2, Episode 5
Mrs B is a woman with a slight attachment to dogs. She has workmen employed, but treats them just like the animals. For example, she tells them to "fetch" and puts their food on the floor. Also seen in the deleted scenes.
[edit] Rachel and Nicola
Played by: David Walliams (Rachel) and Matt Lucas (Nicola)
Episodes: Series 2, Episode 6
Rachel and Nicola are two young women who are always having a discussion at a dinner table before they start talking about men. One of them then asks the other if they've met a certain man and when the response is negative, a photo of the man's genitals is shown.
[edit] Reverend Jesse King
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 2, Episode 6
Reverend Jesse King is a charismatic preacher from Harlem in New York, who appears at a quiet rural church on a foreign exchange with their usual vicar. He loudly encourages the congregation to "fight the power", and offers to demonstrate his faith healing abilities on anyone who cannot walk or has leprosy. A man with a nasty cough steps forward, and is given a throat lozenge by Reverend King, who then proclaims "He can walk! Praise the Lord!"
[edit] First appeared in series 3
[edit] Sid Pegg
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 3, Episodes 4 and 5
Sid Pegg is a nosey and mean-spirited Neighbourhood Watch leader who takes his job a little too seriously. As there is no real crime in his area, his meetings can be about anything from the Gypsy Kings to the fact that a gang of yobs have kicked an empty can of lilt down the road. He will frequently call out commands to his wife preparing dinner, in the format of "Wife, [name of food], go!". When asking for assistance from other members of the watch, he always chooses Lloyd, a short man who appeared on The Weakest Link (a fact Sid continually mentions). His name is inspired by the comedian Simon Pegg.
[edit] Leonard
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 3, Episodes 2 and 6
Leonard is a man who works in a retirement home. He goes to great lengths to ensure comfort for certain inhabitants, namely himself.
[edit] Alan
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 3, Episode 3
Alan is a charity worker who rattles a tin for the local donkey hospice. However, when he is paid money, he places a sticker in an inappropriate place.
[edit] Letty Bell
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 3, Episode 3
Letty is a woman who has an obsession with frog knick-knacks, such as cuddly toys, tea-towels and ornaments. However, she has a violent reaction when confronted with the real thing.
[edit] Pat and Don
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Episodes: Series 3, Episodes 2 and 3
Pat and Don are a couple who eat at a local Indian restaurant, but whenever Don finds the food a little too hot for his tastes, it causes him to spout catchphrases from a variety of 1970s TV shows.
[edit] Orville
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 3, Episode 3
The joke is based on a reversal of expectations, with Orville The Duck trying to do some shopping in peace but constantly being asked by members of the public where Keith Harris is and to do Keith Harris impressions. For the uninitiated, Keith Harris and Orville were once a popular ventriloquist act.
[edit] Dying Man
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 3, Episode 4
A man in hospital who keeps saying goodbye to his relatives, but then not dying saying things like "Any minute now...". In the end of the sketch, he gets up to go to the toilet "before he goes".
[edit] Horse Whisperer
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Series 3, Episode 5
Horse Whisperer is a young Indian North Londoner (incessantly addressing everyone as "boss") who works in a computer shop with his colleague Sanjay. When asked for technical advice however, he consults a real life horse by whispering in its ear. Mysteriously the horse, who remains silent, passes on its detailed solution to the problem which the Horse Whisperer relays to the customer. However when consulted for further advice, the Horse Whisperer ridicules the customer for expecting a horse to know anything about the subject. So far it has been alleged the horse can solve a Windows XP installation problem, however knows nothing about iPods.
[edit] Pilot/deleted scenes characters
[edit] Chef
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Ye know too much!"
Episodes: Pilot Episode
The chef of the Aberdoon Stook Hoose in Scotland. He likes to recite riddles about the (very basic) ingredients of his meals to his customers, whilst playing various instruments and answering to his customers with a resounding "Ye-ee-ee-es!", but then claiming "Ye know too much!" when it turns out they know of the ingredients anyway. This character was later transformed into Ray McCooney for series 1.
[edit] Latymer Crown
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Pilot Episode/Deleted Scenes
Latymer Crown is a masseur who tries to get his clients to calm down in strange ways, usually by describing scenes of graphic carnage, for example, when trying to calm a customer, he tells a story of teenagers lifting an old man into a dustbin and rolling the bin down a hill toward a busy road, or of an elderly woman being forced to eat gravel for the amusement of a crowd that is planning to burn her, or a one-legged man being tried to the back of a truck and being dragged round and round a car park, or a boy being left in a caravan off a motorway who doesn't know where he is or how he's going to get home, and the tears are stinging his face, or even a herd of buffalo trampling through a village and fleeing villagers being caught in the melee. Also uses ammonia-based oil, and plays relaxing tapes of women screaming, and sings "go to sleep" in an increasingly loud voice until he's screaming, then asks his client: "johnathan, are you asleep?"
[edit] Barry Edwards
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Barry Edwards is a man who records silly messages on his answerphone. He was planned for series one but was dropped.
[edit] French Tourist Couple
Played by: Matt Lucas and David Walliams
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
A pair of French tourists. The husband (along with the rest of their coach party) is delayed by his slow and constantly-fatigued wife, who resembles the series two character of Bubbles.
[edit] Douglas Sterling
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
An author who has written a brilliant and moving novel which ends with, "Anyway, readers, I must go now, as my Mum's calling me for my tea." His publisher (Stirling Gallagher) tries to get him to change this line, but Douglas doesn't understand what the problem is. Featured in the Series 1 DVD Deleted Scenes.
[edit] Jill and Kim
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Jill and Kim are a mother and daughter who like to do nothing better but lounge around outside drinking beer. Kim also likes to date people, get them to do jobs around her house then ditch them. She does this with a plumber, a gardener and a man from Sky Digital.
[edit] Eugene
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Eugene is a triangle player who is part of an orchestra. He is a very proud man and whenever someone does something he doesn't like, he proceeds to destroy their instruments. When questioned about what he has done by the orchestra leader, Eugene answers everything with either 'Correct' or 'Incorrect' until he is dismissed for the afternoon. When he is finally sacked, Eugene burns the orchestra's building to a cinder by throwing petrol at the paths and windows.
[edit] Roland
Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Porno?"
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Roland is a young man who lives on a farm with his parents. The start of his sketches focus on Roland attempting to dress a pig in either underwear or stilettos, whereas the main parts focus on his obsession with pornography. He associates most things with pornography (e.g., when asked about what to give to poor Africans, he suggests "black porno" and "dwarf sex videos"). Roland has the accent of a country-side farmer.
[edit] Ruth
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Ruth is a young girl who works with her mother (Walliams) at a motorway café. Ruth's mother is always trying to get someone to love her and does this in each sketch by telling a customer to meet her out the back in five minutes. The sketches always finish with someone having sex with Ruth (or in one instance her mother) and Ruth either being bored or gasping.Ruth dances to certain songs like Just A Little Bit and Sound of the Underground while her mother is clapping and singing.
[edit] Alan and Jean
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Alan is a man who appears to have amnesia but is using it to avoid doing jobs around the house and to get the best food from his wife Jean (e.g., when asked about pudding, he claims only to remember trifle). These characters have been on the radio series.
[edit] Benjy
Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Benjy is a man who attempts to provide a comfortable party for his black friends, by playing reggae and serving Caribbean food. When a white man (Lucas) shows up at the party, Benjy asks his black friends if he is allowed entry and it is granted. Benjy treats that person rather suspicously.
[edit] Liam Buckley
Played by: Steve Furst
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Liam Buckley is a man who goes to visit Dr Varma, a plastic surgeon, but when he sees the results of some of Dr Varma's previous operations on his own staff, including breast implants for a male, he soon bails out. After he leaves, Dr Varma's secretary (Lucas) comments on his nose, despite having a terribly misshapen nose herself.
[edit] Dinner Guests
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
The Dinner Guests are two couples who go to dinner at each other's houses and appear to get along really well while eating dinner together, but after the guests leave the hosts will critizise them, saying such things as "dreadful people".
[edit] Stewie And Dale
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
Stewie and Dale are two brothers who work in a supermarket. Whilst working, Dale always spots who he thinks is a celebrity, Stewie then has to embarrass himself by asking the person if they are, to which they reply negatively.
[edit] Man on Bus
Played by: Matt Lucas
Episodes: Deleted Scenes
A man sitting on a double decker bus reading the newspaper. As he reads it he sings to himself by making various loud and unbearable noises, at the same time disturbing all the other passangers on the bus. He is featured in the Series 3 DVD Deleted Scenes.
