Ladle Rat Rotten Hut
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Ladle Rat Rotten Hut is the story of Little Red Riding Hood written using English words, but never the correct ones. It was written in 1940 by Howard L. Chace, a professor of French, to demonstrate that the intonation of spoken English is almost as important to the meaning as the words themselves. Sometime a single word forms several in the correct version (e.g. evanescent becomes if it isn't) and sometimes several are combined to make one word (on-forger-nut becomes unfortunate), but every word can be found in most collegiate dictionaries, with the exception of icer (which is in Merriam-Webster's Unabridged) and thoroughing which was probably invented by Dr. Chace.
Although written with a serious purpose in mind, the story's humorous aspects cannot be ignored, especially with Dr. Chace adding phrases not in the traditional story ("A nervous sausage bag ice!" for "I never saw such big eyes!") and the abrupt, non-traditional ending.
[edit] The text
Ladle Rat Rotten Hut
Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch offer lodge dock florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry ladle cluck wetter putty ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.
Wan moaning, Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder inset, "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter an shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! An yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopper torque wet strainers!"
"Hoe-cake, murder," resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft. Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof. "Wail, wail, wail!" set disk wicket woof, "Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut! Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard ladle basking?"
"Armor goring tumor groin-murder's," reprisal ladle gull. "Grammar's seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter an shirker cockles."
"O hoe! Heifer blessing woke," setter wicket woof, butter taught tomb shelf, "Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer groin-murder. Oil ketchup wetter letter, an den - O bore!"
Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinny retched a cordage offer groin-murder, picked inner widow, an sore debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh, disk abdominal woof lipped honor bet an at a rope. Den knee poled honor groin-murder's nut cup an gnat-gun, any curdled dope inner bet.
Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft attar cordage, an ranker dough belle. "Comb ink, sweat hard," setter wicket woof, disgracing is verse. Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rum an stud buyer groin-murder's bet.
"O Grammar!" crater ladle gull, "Wood bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice!"
"Battered lucky chew whiff, doling," whiskered disk ratchet woof, wetter wicket small.
"O Grammar, water bag noise! A nervous sore suture anomalous prognosis!"
"Battered small your whiff," insert a woof, ants mouse worse waddling.
"O Grammar, water bag mousy gut! A nervous sore suture bag mouse!"
Daze worry on-forger-nut gulls lest warts. Oil offer sodden, thoroughing offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet, disk curl and bloat-thursday woof ceased pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut an garbled erupt.
Mural: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet strainers.
[edit] The "translation"
Little Red Riding Hood
Once upon a time there was a little girl who lived with her mother in a little cottage, on the edge of a large dark forest. The little girl often wore a little cloak with a pretty little red hat, and for this reason people called her Little Red Riding Hood.
One morning, Red Riding Hood's mother called her and said, "Little Red Riding Hood, here's a little basket with some bread and butter and sugar cookies. Take this little basket to the cottage of your grandmother who lives on the other side of the forest. Shake a leg! Don't stop along the road! And under no circumstances, don't stop and talk with strangers!"
"Okay, mother." responded Little Red Riding Hood, and took her little basket and started off. On the road to the cottage of her grandmother, Little Red Riding Hood met an enormous wolf. "Well, well, well!" said this wicked wolf. "If it isn't Little Red Riding Hood! Where's our pretty girl going with her little basket?"
"I'm a-going to my grandmother's," replied the little girl. "Grandma's sick in bed. I'm a-taking her some bread and butter and sugar cookies."
"Oh ho! Have a pleasant walk," said the wicked wolf, but he thought to himself, "I'll take a short cut to the cottage of her grandmother. I'll catch up with her later, and then -- oh boy!"
So the wicked wolf took a short cut, and when he reached the cottage of the grandmother, peeked in her window, and saw that the poor old women was lying in her bed. In a flash, this abominable wolf leap on her bed and ate her up. Then he put on her grandmother's night cap and nightgown, and he curled up in her bed.
In a little while, Little Red Riding Hood arrived at the cottage, and rang her door bell. "Come in, sweetheart," said the wicked wolf, disguising his voice. Little Red Riding hood entered the bedroom and stood buy her grandmother's bed.
"Oh Grandma!" cried the little girl. "What big eyes you got! I never saw such big eyes!"
"Better't look at you with, darling," whispered this wretched wolf, with a wicked smile.
"Oh Grandma, what a big nose! I never saw such an enormous proboscis!"
"Better't smell you with," answered the wolf, and its mouth was watering.
"Oh Grandma, what a big mouth you got! I never saw such a big mouth!"
These were the unfortunate girl's last words. All of a sudden, throwing off the covers and springing out of bed, this cruel and bloodthirsty wolf seized poor Little Red Riding Hood and gobbled her up.
Moral: Under no circumstances should little girls stop to talk with strangers.
