User:Kraizer
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
[edit] Kraizer's Autobiography
I have been Administrating the Internets since 1906. When I first installed Windows 1.0 in June of that year, I had no clue what I was doing. It took me many years to learn the ways of the computer. The Internet was released in November that year as well. The very first website was the Internet Administration Network, which is still around today and since there was not such thing as http yet you would just type in [CODE]connect 0.0.0.1[/CODE] This web server is still around today but it is top-secret. You have to have been elected as an Internet Administrator to be allowed access. I now Administrated 0% of the Internet.
By the [[tim[[e the second Internet was released in September 1907, my skills had grown exponentially. Since there was now more than one Internet, the Internet Administration Network was renamed to be the Internets Administration Network. It was in this year that the Internet Division of the FBI granted me the Position of Internet Moderator. I was allowed into 0.0.0.1, but only on Port 7895. This port, obviously, was the Moderation Portal. The only power Moderators had was to have access to this port which would be used to send messages to an Administrator to bring inappropriate websites to their attention. I could not yet shut down a website myself. I now Moderated 0.25% of the Internets.
By 1912, there were more than 500 Internets! The Microsoft Corporation saw their chance for profit. They created a new Operating Program that would be able to handle more than one Internet at a time. They codenamed it Apple II, but was released as Windows 3.1. They decided to charge money for this and priced the retail version at $29.99. A man named Steven Jobs, one of my old]] buddies, created a free Operating Program in response to this. He named it Linux 1.0 that followed a certain style of Operating Programs called UNIX. Later the Linux Operating Programs would become Linux Operating Images, since there is absolutely NO way]] that a virus or trojan could be installed into an image. I now Moderated 1% of the Internets.
In 1916, I, kraizer, created a computer code for the recently released Windows '15, called BASIC. When the Internet Administration Network viewed my work, they upgraded my User Status to Administrator on the Internet Administration Network Server. I now Administrated 2% of the Internets.
When 1950 rolled around, there were more than 16 million Internets in existence! A local news channel for the town of John Mellencamp, Texas called CNN emerged as an International Network Station. When their first program aired, "Headline News," it received the highest number of viewers than any other program on the air! Their news was so well presented and reliable, that the program called "Headline News" stayed on forever. CNN made a smart move next. They bought every single stock share in the Internets. They now owned the Internets. I now Administrated 34% of the Internets.
The Operating Program called Macintosh was first released in the summer of 1984 by a company called Apple. A friend of mine named Kevin Mitnick and I had been discussing the technology of music. We thought it would be an awesome idea if you could cram all the music in your possession into a tiny handheld portable music player. Unfortunately, the Apple Company had hacked into our Talk Session and stole our ideas. They did not have the power to make this idea come to life until just recently. They did, however, create Walkmans and Compact Discs in the meantime. Kevin became so depressed after having our million-dollar idea stolen, that he turned evil and hacked into an FBI Super-Administrator Server (There are only seven Super-Administrators in the World, one for each Continent). After he served his lengthy jail sentence, I had a talk with him and we decided that he should pursue his love of computers by opening a security-based pornography site. I now Administrated 67% of the Internets.
In January of 1999, the Automated Internet Pilot, or AIP, was launched. It was in beta mode, so there were still many bugs to work out. This new program allowed a highly intelligent Super-Computer to control an airplane flight. It was released in September of the same year to control commercial airline flights. It had been put through several tests and passed every one of them. A fake pilot was assigned to sit in the airplane's cockpit, so as to not cause a disturbance on the plane. It was impossible to control the airplane from the cockpit, though. An unknown group of Internets Punks decided to play a game with me. They were able to crack my Internet Administration Network password, and gained control of my account. They used my powers to crash four airplanes that were being controlled by the AIP. The racism of America blamed several Arab men for this catastrophe and the real culprits were never known. The Internets Punks added the numbers of the four flights together to get the number "1337" and started to call themselves that. I regained control of my account by initiating a DNS Lookup. When I had my powers again I tried to ban all of the 1337 Community, but some escaped. The remaining members of the 1337 Community went on to create http://www.myspace.com. To ensure that I never would be hacked again, I installed the Google Security Software onto my Linux 4.6. Because of the fiasco, I now only Administrated 43% of the Internets.
I have traveled a long way, as you can see, and now Administrate 89% of the Internets. I still work for CNN and have experience administrating all of the following: http://google.com, http://ginogina.net, http://www.gnaa.us, http://xanga.com, http://comsumptionjunction.com, http://1337.biz, http://myg0t.com, http://g00ns.net, http://z0l0pht.net, and http://n0ths.com.
The signature that I commonly use is: Image:Kraizer.jpg
