User:Kit Boyes

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Kit was born on 8 December 1970 in Maungaraki. Maungaraki is a small outbreak of suburbia perched on the far outer reaches of the unfashionable western rim of an unfashionably large hole in the ground named Lower Hutt. Lower Hutt is just outside Wellington, (the capital city of New Zealand, c.f. a gumboot).

Kit escaped the Hutt valley aged 18 months. His parents considered joining Bert Potter's commune. Fortunately they instead bought an abandoned pottery kiln, on top of the Waitakere Ranges. The Waitakere Ranges are a line of permanently bush and rain sodden hills half way between Titirangi and Waitarua, and just outside Auckland. Auckland is New Zealand's largest city for what ever that is worth.

Kit attended Woodlands Park Primary School. His monologues about dinosaurs and aircraft soon lead other 6 year olds to recoginse him as a first class bore.

Kit subsequently occasionally attended Glen Eden Intermediate, where failed to impress a large number of young women. At a one sadly typical school dance, Kit displayed his gallantry by asking a boy who wanted to fight him to step outside, and then locking the door behind him.

Kit was accepted into Kelston Boy's High School, after the head master heard him say he played rugby, but apparently missed the bit bit where he said "very badly". Due to a gross over estimation of the amount or swot required, and the complete apathy of he rest of the student body, Kit accidently came top of Kelston in school certificate results, an error he corrected over subsquent years, (to put this 'acheivement' in context, Kelston Boys at the time claimed to send more people to prison than university).

While hitchiking through Dunedin in school holidays, the then Minister of Defence mistook the camera toting Kit for a journalist and began justifying his policies. Kit cross-examined the minister on the defence budget while generously inviting himself to a free lunch at the Labour party conference. Kit was subsquently unique in being the only person thrown out of the conference for non-political reasons, (the Minister discovering he was not a journalist shortly after Kit corrected his knowledge of the air force's A4K fleet, and shortly before desert arrived). Subsquently followed and photographed by a man in a trench coat, Kit responded by photographing his pursuer.

Back at school, Kit took part in a number of other immature pranks, before an unfortunate incident involving a fish tank, a home build cloud chamber a Van der Graff Generator, and and a large and colourful explosion in an unattended school physics lab, lead to Kit leaving high school before he ahd a chance to reduce his 2nd XI cricket batting average of exactly 1.

Kit subsquently studied law, ancient history and student club life at the University of Auckland. In 1990 Kit stood for parliament as McGillicuddy Serious Party candidate for Te Atatu, campaigning on a platform of full employment through slavery, and saving the environment by the total destruction of civilisation - so pre-empting the core policies of ACT and the Green Party, before either were formed. He later led Mr Vendos the instant Coffee vending machine's nearly succesful campaign for the law school presidency. Despite which, Kit graduated with a BA LlB in 1994.

After compeleting his bar exams, (most of which he spent learning oil painting), Kit joined an obscure government department (and coporation sole), the Public Trustee, where he spent 7 years barristering and soliciting. Kit returned from Court one day to find the other staff, in response to his criticism of the union, had voted him their delegate on it. Determined to rout the non-existant left wing opposition, within 3 months he was convenor of national delegates, where he proudly claims there were no strikes, pay rises above inflation and several ill thought through attempts at restructurings were effectively halted by purely economic arguments - though not, of course, his own.

Struck by a premature midlife crisis Kit joined the New Zealand Army as a territorial soldier in 1998. Kit spent 3 happy years practising freindly fire incidents with the infantry of Combat Company of Auckland Countess of Ranfurly's Own Northland Regiment. He joined at just the right time to conspicuously fail to volunteer for service in East Timor. Kit did however attend training for East Timor, when he was supposed to be doing something far less interesting involving four wheel drive trucks. Tha army throw him off both courses - though only after making sure he'd suffered all possible immunisation jabs. Inspired by the immunisation medics account of how boring the medic training course was, his c/o sent Kit off to medic training as a punishment. Kit retaliated by finding the medic training interesting, taking more medic courses, changing corps to join the medics, with 1 Health Company, (the unit formerly known as 1 Field Ambulance RZNAMC), before in a financially destructive random career move, quiting his day job to go back to university and retrain as a doctor - probably his silliest decision involving money since he bought an elderly Jaguar.

Today, Kit can be found living in Mt Eden where he is in his fifth year at the University of Auckland School of Medicine, which he apparently attends often enough to pass, in between playing army medic, lawyering in the holidays, entertaining small children on Radio Lollipop being a features editor for the New Zealand Medical Students Journal and disorganising art exhibitions and a rural health club. Hey he might even find time for the odd peice of writing, hopefully rather better than this very quick bio. But probably not.

Kit is presently suffering from a dehabilitating habit that causes him to write in the 3rd person.

The Jaguar has moved to a better home.

Kit