Johnny Dangerously
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The film Johnny Dangerously is a 1984 comedy spoof of 1930s' crime/gangster movies. The movie stars Michael Keaton as an honest, goodhearted man who is forced to turn to a life of crime to finance his neurotic mother's skyrocketing medical bills and to put his younger brother through law school. The movie also stars Joe Piscopo, Marilu Henner, Maureen Stapleton, Peter Boyle, Griffin Dunne, Dom DeLuise, Danny DeVito, Dick Butkus & Alan Hale Jr. The theme song "This Is the Life" was written for the movie by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
One of the jokes in the film hinges on the inability of villain Roman Moroni (Richard Dimitri) to pronounce his curses properly, hence lines such as: "You fargin sneaky bastage... I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove 'em up your icehole..."
[edit] Plot summary
A pet shop owner catches a young boy shoplifting a puppy. To discourage the kid from a life of crime, the owner tells a story . . .
It is 1910. Young Johnny Kelly is a poor but honest newsboy. After beating up young Danny Vermin in self defense, Johnny goes home on a cold July day to find that his mother needs an operation for which the family has no funds. Since the execution of Johnny's father, Killer Kelly, his widow, Ma Kelly, has supported Johnny and his younger brother, Tommy, who is fascinated by the law.
Johnny's fight with Vermin attracted the notice of local crime boss Jocko Dundee, and Johnny, seeing no honest way to earn the money for his mom's operation, sees no choice than to do a job for Dundee, even though it probably means breaking the law. He helps Dundee rob the nightclub belonging to Dundee's rival, Roman Moroni. When asked his name, Johnny coins the name, "Johnny Dangerously." But, Moroni never forgets a face.
Years pass. With his mom's continuing medical problems, Johnny goes to work for the Dundee gang full time. He becomes a suave young man, with plenty of folding cash. The whole neighborhood (including the Pope) knows that Kelly is really Johnny Dangerously, but Johnny's secret identity is carefully concealed from his brother and mother. They think he is a law-abiding nightclub owner. Similarly, the gang knows nothing of Johnny's mother and brother. Tommy is now in law school, with a girlfriend, and somewhat of a prig--he wants to drop out of law school so he can get a job, marry his girlfriend, and get laid. With the assistance of a public health film, Johnny gets him to go back to law school.
Johnny comes to Dundee's headquarters--he is still involved in a running feud with Moroni--to find he has taken on two new gang members: Danny Vermin, and his sidekick Dutch. Danny has lived up to his potential and become a total scumbag, with a taste for using opera audiences as shooting galleries. Moroni, subtle as always, sends a robot with a machine gun to try to knock off the gang. He is not successful, and Johnny retaliates by knocking down Moroni's club (which was in need of expansion anyway) with a bomb dropped from a biplane.
The two gangs war. In the meantime, Johnny falls for a young showgirl new to the big city, Lil Sheridan. They go for a long walk together, ending in sexual fireworks.
The war continues. Moroni sends a plumber to plant explosives in Dundee's toilet. Dundee has a narrow escape, and he retires in Johnny's favor. Johnny negotiates a truce with Moroni.
Meanwhile, Tommy graduates from law school (Johnny's illicit earnings, of course, have paid for the tuition). Despite Johnny's efforts to steer him into a law firm, he goes to work for the D.A.'s office. A bit miffed that his money should be used to train a crimefighter, Johnny is nevertheless not worried--District Attorney Burr is on his payroll. The D.A. tries to sidetrack Tommy, but he becomes a major public figure. After he holds hearings looking into Moroni's activities, the rival crime boss is deported to Sweden despite his protests that he's "not from there."
Against Johnny's orders, Burr and Vermin conspire to kill Tommy. Tommy is badly injured, but survives. Divining the truth, Johnny has Burr killed--but this leaves Tommy as the new D.A.
Tommy recovers, and weds his girlfriend. Vermin discovers that Dangerously is the D.A.'s brother--and Tommy promptly overhears Vermin chortling about it. Tommy confronts Johnny, who agrees to quit the life of crime. The gang, though, isn't as eager and suggests Johnny may be turning state's evidence against them. Johnny denies this, and goes to turn the evidence against him to the Crime Commissioner--who Vermin has killed under circumstances that suggest Johnny is the killer. Not only that, Vermin steals Johnny's prized bubble gum case (formerly Dundee's cigarette case).
Johnny is arrested for murder, but says he is innocent and the holder of the case is the guilty party. Tommy tries the case against him. Johnny is found guilty, sentenced to the electric chair and sent to death row. But when Vermin congratulates Tommy, and Tommy notices that he has Johnny's case, he realizes Johnny is innocent. His mom knocks him out with one punch.
Meanwhile, his mom is using her contacts to investigate the murder. She finds the cleaning lady who is a witness to Vermin's presence. Tommy hits Vermin with a grand jury subpoena, and he knows that he must kill Tommy.
Johnny arrives on Death Row, where he receives rock star treatment by the starstruck warden. He receives word of Tommy's danger, and plots an escape, prevailing on the warden to move up his execution ("We'll bump Steinberg.") As he is taken to the chair, Johnny assembles what looks like a tommy gun from parts handed to him by inmates. He escapes in a laundry truck driven by Lil.
Johnny, through a wild chase, arrives at the theatre where Tommy is to be killed. He shoots and wounds Vermin, saving Tommy. The governor pardons Johnny as Vermin is arrested.
Back to 1935. The young shoplifter is round eyed. Having taken in the lesson that crime doesn't pay, he is given a kitten as Johnny Kelly, law abiding pet shop owner, says "Crime doesn't pay." The kid goes on his way. Johnny, dressed in a tux, heads off in a riotous limo with girls: "Well, it pays a little!"
[edit] Quotes
- Joe Piscopo: "My mother hung me on a hook once...once!"
