Joanna Clore

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Green Wing character

Name	Joanna Yardley Clore, formerly Twatt, originally Pearson
Occupation	Director of Human Resources
Played by	Pippa Haywood

Joanna Clore is a character in the British sitcom Green Wing, played by Pippa Haywood.

1 History
2 Relationships
3 External links

[edit] History

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Joanna is the director of human resources at East Hampton Hospital Trust, she is 48 years old, has had two unsuccessful marriages, has had two sons who both work at the hospital Dr. Guy Secretan and Dr. Martin Dear, and has been having an affair with Dr. Alan Statham for some time.

However, their relationship has had numerous problems. Joanna once fell for Lyndon, the head of IT played by Paterson Joseph, but he showed no interest in her. After leaving him, she discovered that Alan had become a Christian, and thus had to win him over again, which she did. At the end of the second series, however, their relationship is at a low-point.

At age 15, she traveled to Gstaad, Switzerland as an exchange student, where she met and slept with a skiing instructor, Fabian Leclerq. From that tryst, Guy was born, but she abandoned him after only two days. She later got married to Donald Twat (now a newsagent) and gave birth to Martin, but they divorced and Joanna changed Martin's surname so Donald would be more difficult to find. Joanna got married again, but got divorced again.

Joanna is rather bitter about life and, because so, frequently abuses her staff, Harriet Schulenburg, Karen Ball, Naughty Rachel and Kim Alabaster. Obsessed with her age, she has tried everything to make herself look young, even using botox. She is so secretive about her age that she forbids Martin from telling anyone that she is his mother, thus preventing others from determining how old she really is. She also trims her nasal hair, dyes her hair, wears large amounts of facial cream, and sometimes tries to get tans by laying under the heating lamps in the canteen. She also has problems with her eyesight, but tries to avoid wearing glasses as she is then able to see her wrinkles.

The biggest crisis that she has ever gone through was sleeping with Guy, totally unaware that he was the son that she abandoned in Switzerland. She has since tried to undergo therapy with Jake Leaf, the complementary therapist, but it has not helped that much. The next big crisis came when she tried to scare Alan using her dwarf cousin, and Alan beat him to death with a stuffed heron. This is probably followed by waking up in the bed of a teenage boy who had turned sixteen the previous day. She was so worried, that she ended up hiding in Alan's cupboard, but they soon started to celebrate when she heard from Alan that they were treating her cousin's death as suicide. The joy was short-lived however when the police arrive, so she and Alan steal a camper van, unaware that Martin had come on board to see what was going on. Alan then ended up driving the camper van (almost) over the same cliff were Martin was in a similar accident before. It was shown in the BBC program Imagine that Martin survives, but it is not known if Alan and Joanna survive.

In her spare time, she often goes to restaurants, sometimes with Alan. She can also be seen at the hospital bar, knocking back double vodkas. Joanna has tried to give up smoking, even going as far as to cover almost all of her body in nicotine patches, but has failed. She keeps a dead goldfish in her office because it makes her feel better ("He's dead, and I'm alive"). She also like to relax by giving herself a "Coffee enema", and she drives a black BMW 328i SE.

[edit] Relationships

[edit] Alan

For a long time now, Alan and Joanna have been having an affair, and for an equally long time, everyone in the hospital has known about it. This has not stopped them from continuing there relationship as if it was secret. The often dine out, play games and Alan even has names for certain parts of Joanna's body. He calls her breasts "Mimi" and "Charlotte", and also calls Joanna's vagina "The growler".

When Joanna starts to fancy Lyndon, Alan tries various ways to stop him. However, he fails. At one point, Alan thought that Joanna was pregnant with his child. When Joanna both tells him that not only is she not pregnant but is also dumping Alan, he is driven almost mad. He even ends up stealing a milk float.

Alan finds religion a comfort and becomes a Christian. When Joanna is dumped by Lyndon however, they soon get back together. Later, they drift apart, and Joanna once again tries to see if she can get Lyndon to go out with her, but fails. Alan tried to get his own back by unleashing a box of flies in her office, but due to a mistake on a taped message to her, Joanna sent it back and the flies were realised in his office.

During a period when Alan is unusually happy, Joanna tried to make him upset again by getting her cousin, who was a dwarf, to paint himself green, hide behind Alan's desk, jump out, and scare him. However, Alan was so scared; he beat him to death with a stuffed heron. Although the incident has got them into a heap of trouble, it has also brought them together. Joanna even had sex with him, whilst she hid in a cupboard and drilled a hole in it. When it looks like they might be discovered, Alan and Joanna go on the run and steal a camper van, unaware that Joanna's son Martin was in it as well. They were last seen teetering over the edge of a cliff in Wales.

[edit] The HR staff (Harriet, Karen, Kim and Rachel)

Joanna does not get on well with the staff (or anyone else for that matter). She is often at odds with them, normally when they try to steal office equipment, or when they play their rather odd games. Just trying to get all the staff working would be an achievement, particularly Kim and Rachel.

Harriet is equally troublesome, as she has to look after both her children and do her job as well. When Lyndon became attracted to Harriet, Joanna took it badly, and started to overwork her to stop them seeing each other.

These are a few notes Joanna has given to her staff, as listed in Green Wing - The Complete First Series Scripts:

"Harriet, one of your children called (no idea which one), he's trapped in something. Down a well? Hard to tell - poor signal, screaming etc. You can call them at lunchtime but NOT before."
"Harriet, health and safety need you to erect a screen around your desk - you face is iritating other members of staff (me)."
"Harriet, I found this in the photocopyer. Is it your womb?
"Karen, no I can NOT remove the words "Depressing wanker" from your annual review. See me."
"Karen, no, there was nothing missing from my e-mail. "Karen - just a couple of tiny points," was a physical description."
"Kim, zoo contacted me about the hospital sponsoring an animal. Find out if we can sponsor the Ebola virus."
"Kim, report car stolen. (Caught speeding on way here and don't want to pay fine.) Then move car to the usual place, but make sure no-one sees you. Bring me backa a Frappe latte, Fruit pastilles and Pepto-Bismol."
"Rachel, LEAVE YOUR HAIR ALONE - you're not Jennifer fucking Aniston. Please tell me you don't use L'Oreal, I can't think of anyone less worth it. (Except Karen, obviously.)"
"Rachel, return my wet wipes. Only the unused ones this time."
"Rachel, do not yodel whilst I'm in my office."

[edit] Martin

Joanna's youngest son is a constant pain. Due to her worrying about her age, she refuses to let Martin tell anyone that they are mother and son, because everyone will know how old she is.

It is known that Joanna was not really a good mother. She did not do the things that Martin most needed, such as "Making my packed lunches" and "Making that Incredible Hulk costume for Halloween". Joanna has also tried to make it hard for him to locate his father, Donald Twat. This was done by changing Martin's surname and moving away.

Martin still wishes that Joanna will love him, and tries to talk to her, often failing. He even managed to stowaway on the camper van that Alan and Joanna steal, and where he and Joanna were last seen.

[edit] Guy

Guy had very little to do with Joanna because he considered her to be too old for him. It was only after making a bet with Mac that he had sex with her. Unfortunately a letter he received (which Martin opened) confirmed that they were mother and son.

Afterwards, they tried to avoid each other, but Joanna had to be present at Guy's tribunal. During the tribunal, Guy mentioned that "On the plus side, I should be getting my Noel Coward style dressing gown back" a remark which made Joanna hit her head on the table.

[edit] Sue

Joanna and Sue fight their own little war between which of them is the more superior, particularly in the area of who does what in the hospital.

There biggest scrap took place when a documentary crew came to film the hospital. Sue wanted to be in charge, but it was Joanna took charge of it. When Sue managed to discover the tape of Joanna and Guy having sex, she used it as blackmail to put her in charge of the project, and forced Joanna to make her fly around the office.

[edit] Lyndon

Joanna finds Lyndon incredibly attractive, but he cannot stand her. She still persists however in perusing him. She even goes over to his office wearing nothing but a fur coat. During the charity slave auction Joanna bought Lyndon for £500, but during the night Lyndon made it clear that he found Joanna "Disturbing, tedious and desperate".

Despite this, Joanna still feels attracted to him and once encountered him in the car park. He got out of the date by saying that he was going out with Harriet. After he was dumped by Harriet, Joanna tried again, but Lyndon lied to her and said he was gay. Joanna managed to get her own back by making him kiss Jake Leaf.

[edit] Other relationships

Joanna often has problems with Boyce, worried that he might expose her relationship with Alan.

She has very few dealings with Mac, although she did once mock his hair. She was also the first person to guide Caroline around the hospital (Joanna refers to her as, "The ragamuffin one"). During one visit to her office, Alan called up to tease Joanna about having a sexual relationship with Caroline. As the speakerphone was on, Joanna and Caroline heard every word and knew he was lying. Also there was Charles the CEO, who she meets often.

Not much is known about her former husbands, except that her first, Donald, is a newsagent. Very little is known about Fabian Leclerq, Guy's father also.