If Boys Were Girls

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If Boys were Girls is an episode of Malcolm in the Middle.

1 Plot
2 Guest Cast
3 See also
4 External links

[edit] Plot

Lois is suffering from morning sickness because of her pregnancy. Her feet have swollen badly. It is Valentine's Day soon. Hal is worried because Lois hasn't told him what she wants like she usually does. She says that they are going to be at the mall for four hours and that he is bound to find something suitable. He is still worried that he won't be able to find anything.

Hal asks Lois whether she'd prefer to give birth to a boy or a girl. As she is about to answer, their conversation is interrupted by the three boys arguing loudly. Malcolm shouts that Reese has stolen his "favorite" pen. They fight over it. Dewey makes the argument worse by insisting that one of them has broken his space fighter and demands a new one.

The three girls, Daisy, Renee and Mallory.

Lois imagines what would be happening if all of the boys had been girls. She sees Daisy (Dewey), Mallory (Malcolm) and Renee (Reese). She sees the girls deciding by themselves to whom the pen belongs. They make up quickly and hug. Daisy comments that it had been the worst fight they had had for ages.

Back in reality, Reese is taunting Malcolm. Malcolm reacts by punching Reese in the face who falls to the floor with a bleeding lip.

As the family are about to leave for the mall, Lois answers a phone call from Francis. He wants to know what the cover of a magazine (stored in the garage in the middle stack) shows for a $20 bet he made with a friend. Lois refuses to look and puts down the phone, with Francis shouting at her.

In the car, Lois and the boys are waiting for Hal. Malcolm says "You're dragging us to a place that we don't like, to buy clothes that we don't care about, for money that you don't want to spend, to look nice for people who hate our guts."

In Lois' imagination, the three girls are waiting in the car. They are very excited about the shopping trip and are planning what they are going to do when they get there. They shout at Hal to get to the car quickly so that they can get there.

Lois is brought back to reality by Hal shouting at the boys that they must go shopping and that there is no way they can get out of it. The boys leave their house shouting at both parents.

At the mall, Hal asks Lois again what she'd like for Valentine's Day. She tells him that he knows what she likes. Lois and the boys go to the food court before they begin shopping. At the table, Dewey is playing a violent game with some action figures. As soon as the boys get their food, they start eating with no manners whatsoever.

Lois imagines the girls again. They are having a conversation about how much they hate ruining their clothes. Hal returns to their table. He is very overweight and is eating cookies. Mallory attempts to get him to buy her a makeup kit which he reluctantly says no to. Renee says that the only reason that she wants the makeup is to impress Jason, a boy who works in the food court. Lois reassures Mallory, saying that she doesn't need expensive makeup to look great. Mallory tells Lois that she is always right. She is brought back to reality by food hitting her in the face. The boys start arguing again.

Lois in the food court after being hit by food.

Hal finally finds a suitable present for Lois, a foot spa. He goes into the shop to buy one, only to find out that the last one has just been bought. He runs out, after the customer who bought the spa and offers to buy it. The customer refuses so Hal steals the bag and runs away. He then realises that he has stolen the wrong bag.

In the clothes shop, Reese bumps into a woman. He tries to hide the scar on his face from her. The woman mistakes his embarrassment of being hit by Malcolm for protection for his mother who she thinks has hit him. The woman then sees Lois threatening Reese when he refuses to try clothes on. In the line for the changing room, Malcolm starts to shout at Lois. She imagines what they girls would be like.

They are all very excited about the clothes they have found. They see Jason on the other side of the shop. Lois tells Mallory that she could go and have an ice cream with him if she wants but Mallory decided to stay with her family. The girls all agree that the best part of the trip will be finding clothes for Lois.

In reality, the customer with the foot spa is describing Hal to a policeman. Hal approaches and apologises profusely to the man and the police officer. He then throw the original bag back at the man and takes another bag and runs through the mall.

Malcolm and Dewey are about to go into the changing rooms. An old woman pushes in front of them saying that she was first. Malcolm says that she wasn't and that they had been queuing for half an hour. She pins him against a wall with her zimmer frame. Reese appears to help Malcolm.

Lois is queuing up for the changing rooms. The woman talks to her about the boys. Lois says that she will kill them. The woman reveals that she works for child services and can help the family. She wants Lois to come for "evaluation". Lois replies that they boys are fine. A policeman appears with the boys and the old woman. The old woman claims that they boys have attacked her. Hal appears and says that the family must get away. They run away from the shop through the mall.

In Lois' imagination, they are still in the shop. Renee is demanding that Lois buy her three identical sweaters because she can't decide which one she wants. Hal comes into the shop with a bag. He gives Mallory the makeup kit which she was not allowed to have. He is eating a bar of chocolate. Mallory promises that she won't wear the makeup around the house because she knows that Lois wants to be the prettiest. Renee tells Lois that Mallory is taking diet pills so Mallory tells Lois that Renee doesn't need diet pills because she burns calories having sex with a different boy every night. Daisy reveals that Renee is pregnant. Jason comes into the shop and says that it is OK because he is alright with teenage marriage. The girls have an argument, in a similar way to the boys. Lois can't believe it, thinking that girls would be different. The girls say that it was Lois who made them like this. Just then, a female version of Frances joins the scene (also played Christopher Masterson). She has dropped out of college and is working at Hooter's so she can keep her new husband in beer money.

At home, Hal gives Lois her present. It is clothes for the unborn baby. The boys also give Lois a present (chocolate), before they go outside. Lois, now on her own, talks to the baby saying "I hope you're a girl".