Harry Graham (poet)

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Harry Graham (1874-1936) was an English writer of humorous verse in a tradition of grotesquerie and black humor also exemplified by Hilaire Belloc. His collections Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes (1899) and More Ruthless Rhymes forHeartless Homes (1930) contain such verses as those shown below.

All of the work of Harry Graham is now out of copyright.

1 Ruthless Rhymes
2 References
3 External link

[edit] Ruthless Rhymes

[edit] Tender Heartedness

Billy, in one of his nice new sashes,
Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes;
Now, although the room grows chilly,
I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.

[edit] Indifference

When Grandmamma fell off the boat,
And couldn’t swim, and wouldn’t float,
Maria just sat by and smiled -
I almost could have slapped the child!

[edit] Compensation

Weep not for little Leonie,
Abducted by a French Marquis! 
Though loss of honour was a wrench,
Just think how it's improved her French.

[edit] Calculating Clara

O'er the rugged mountain's brow 
Clara threw the twins she nursed, 
And remarked, "I wonder now 
Which will reach the bottom first?"

[edit] Tragedy

That morning, when my wife eloped
With James, our chauffeur, how I moped!
What tragedies in life there are!
I'm dashed if I can start the car.

[edit] L'Enfant Glacé

When Baby's cries grew hard to bear
I popped him in the Frigidaire.
I never would have done so if
I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff.
My wife said: 'George, I'm so unhappé!
Our darling's now completely frappé!

[edit] Uncle

Uncle, whose inventive brains
kept evolving aeroplanes,
fell from an enormous height
upon my garden lawn last night.
Flying is a fatal sport,
uncle wrecked the tennis court.

[edit] Accident

"There's been an accident!" they said,
"Your servant's cut in half; he's dead."
"Indeed!" said Mr Jones, "and please
Give me the half that's got my keys."