User talk:Gkhan/Chapter 1

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One would expect that when someone was awoken in the middle of the night to be killed that the murderer would have killed him in his bed, but this was not so This sentence doesn't make sense to me. Could u try rewording it?

Great beginning -- good setting and characters for the genre. Some comments and questions:

  • The young Corporal: unusual for someone of the upper class to be an enlisted man. Is he upper class? Why is he at the party? Does he know someone here or is he related to them? Is he with the columnist? Or your anemic lady aristocrat? Her brother? Or, they could be involved? Or he could be her husband's (also military) enlisted assistant who drove her to the party when her husband became ill (convenient that!).
  • Physical description of Christopher: "old man" "bear" So he is older than most of the group, and large in stature (cuddly?)? So, erect posture and a clipped white moustache too?
  • Does the murder occur on the first night? or the following night?
  • After the murder, given the time period, the Corporal should probably not take Miss Johanna to his room. He could hover and be helpful, but one of the ladies should probably take her to their room. In my chapter, to date, I have the staff eventually move her to another room.

Looking forward to more of the story. WBardwin 18:06, 30 May 2005 (UTC)

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