Father Ted minor characters

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The sitcom Father Ted starring Dermot Morgan, was well-known for its cast of colourful and surreal characters, whether they be members of the priesthood or the bizarre inhabitants of Craggy Island.

Father Ted contains many minor characters, some of whom only appear in one episode of the show.

Contents 1 Priests 2 Nuns 3 Inhabitants of Craggy Island 4 Celebrities 5 Miscellaneous 6 Dougal's Pets And Other Animals

[edit] Priests

• Father Larry Duff , a priest who always has tragic events happen to him whenever he answers his phone. Whether it be getting mauled by his rottweilers, trampled by donkeys or driving off a cliff, he invariably and mysteriously reappears unharmed in later episodes (compare Kenny McCormick).
• Father Fintan Stack, a truly appalling priest ("worse than Hitler", according to Ted) who comes to stay as Jack's replacement when Jack contracts "hairy hands syndrome" and is sent to St Clabbert's ("Jurassic Park"). Father Stack proceeds to eat Ted's Frosties, get Dougal ridiculously drunk on Jack's whiskey, drive Ted's car into a big wall, insult Ted's friends and play "jungle music at three o' clock in the morning" while at the same time drilling holes in the wall. His visit is abruptly cut short when he too contracts "the hair thing" after sitting in Jack's chair. (New Jack City).
• Father Fintan Fay, an old, mad and speech-impaired priest (the Monkey Priest of Killybashangel), who is not supposed to see his own reflection because he doesn't know he's a priest. (Flight into Terror).
• Father Billy O'Dwyer, aka The SpinMaster. Craggy Island's resident funky DJ and gambling addict who ruins the raffle in Think Fast, Father Ted by stealing the proceeds to pay off his underworld debts. (Think Fast, Father Ted).
• Father Paul Stone, an exceedingly boring priest who comes to stay every year. Rarely says a word but insists he's "fine." Father Stone was struck by lightning playing Crazy Golf, leading Dougal to comment that "he looks like a trophy." Hero-worships Ted. (Entertaining Father Stone)
• Father Austin Purcell, 'the most boring priest in the world', according to Ted. A whole African village once sailed to their deaths to escape him. Talks constantly about the most trivial and irritating topics, including central heating. Once proposed an unusual concept - by building extensions on extensions on extensions on houses, he postulated the doughnut shaped house. (Think Fast, Father Ted).
• Father Noel Furlong,(Graham Norton) A very annoying priest who Ted and Dougal hate spending time with. He runs the St. Luke's Youth Group and was eventually crushed under a pile of rocks after having a "screeching competition" in the Very Dark Caves. (The Mainland).
• Father Liam Finnegan, the famous 'Dancing Priest'. His untimely demise (from a heart attack) provided Ted with the unexpected bequest of a car (Rover 216). If only Father Jack hadn't decided to drive it to the off-licence... (Think Fast, Father Ted).
• Father Damien "Damo" Lennon, a Plucky character, Dougal's role model. More of a football casual than a priest, he sports an earring, loves Oasis, smokes cigarettes and occasionally steals whistles. (The Old Grey Whistle Theft).
• Father "Frosty" Frost, Father Damo's registered keeper. (The Old Grey Whistle Theft).
• Father Walton, an inmate of "Jurassic Park" who reached Stage 12 of the hair thing, and was mistakenly kidnapped by Ted and Dougal in an attempt to recover Jack from the home. In the process he told both of them to "FECK OFF!!" (New Jack City).
• Father Joe Briefly, an old mate of Ted's from the seminary, where he used to be known as "Himalaya Joe" because of the thick black hair growing between his toes, although apparently this was due to a medical condition. Joe lets everyone know that Ted's nickname was "Father Fluffy Bottom" because "he had a big pile of fluffy white hair on his behind". (Flight into Terror).
• Father O'Shea, a passenger in Flight into Terror who confessed to impregnating his housekeeper and forcing her to leave the country, thus slightly dashing his chances of winning a parachute. His chances were further dashed when he didn't stop writing his why-I-should-get-a-parachute speech when the time was up.
• Father Cave and Father Gallagher, a pair of rather fey young men. It appears that Father Cave's idea of their relationship is slightly different to that of Father Gallagher, to the embarrassment of both parties. Watch out for Graham Linehan's Hitchcockian cameo as Father Gallagher. (Flight into Terror).
• Father Flynn, a not totally with-it priest. When asked to write 200 words on "why I should be given a parachute" in Flight into Terror, he produced only a drawing of himself in the nude with a dog, and claimed to have misunderstood what was going on.
• Bishop Jordan (the one with the weak heart), Bishop O'Neill (the one who renounces religion to become a hippy) and Bishop Facks (the maniacally intense one who latches on to Jack) - known collectively simply as "the Bishops" in Tentacles of Doom
• Father Tiernan, Father Rafter, Father Cafferty and Father Leonard, friends of Ted's who step in to fill an awkward hiatus by performing as a strange Kraftwerk-style electro group. (Think Fast, Father Ted).
• Father Liam Deliverance, an only partially insane priest who wreaks destruction upon the Parochial House before assisting Ted at the "Lovely Girls" competition. (Rock a Hula Ted)
• Father Barty Dunne, the Laughing Priest. Barty causes universal hatred and annoyance by his habit of laughing hysterically all the way through his own unfunny anecdotes. (Competition Time).
• Father Harry Coyle, who appears as a Lookalike in Competition Time.
• Father Paul Cleary, an extremely aged priest who attend Jack's wake in Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest.
• Father Mackie and Father Jim Sutton, who also attend the (as it turns out) premature wake.
• Father Hernandez, "that Cuban lad" as Dougal calls him, who is an old friend of our boys and visits them leaving Dougal a video recorder and Ted a Cuban fertility symbol which is not appreciated by Bishop Len Brennan.
• Father Todd Unctious, who turns up at Christmas claiming to be an old pal of Ted's but of whom Ted has no recollection whatsoever. The latter is required to employ divers strategems and ploys to find out his name, without success. An attempt to get him to write his name fails, as bizarrely, Unctious claims that he was running with scissors and fell, completely severing the nerve that controls handwriting. Fortunately Mrs Doyle manages to guess his name, after quite a number of wrong guesses including Fr. Andy Riley, Fr. Desmond Coyle, Fr. George Byrne, Fr. David Nicholson, Fr. Declan Lynch, Fr. Ken Sweeney, Fr. Neil Hannon, Fr. Keith Cullen, Fr. Ciaran Donnelly, Fr. Mick McEvoy, Fr. Jack White, Fr. Henry Bigbigging, Fr. Hank Tree, Fr. Hiroshima Twinkie (or Hershey McTwinkie), Fr. Stig Bubblecard (or Bubblecarrot), Fr. Johnny Hellzapoppin' , Fr. Luke Duke, Fr. Billy Ferry, Fr. Chewy Louie, Fr. John Hoop, Fr. Hairycake Linehan, Fr. Rebulah Conundrum, Fr. Peewee Stairmaster with the Tighthead Lips, Fr. Jemima Racktool, Fr. Jerry Twig, Fr. Spodo Komodo, and Fr. Cannabranna Lammer. He turns out to be a thief after Ted's "Golden Cleric" Award, and also enjoys wandering around in nothing but his underpants. He likes to shadow box as well ("Ss-ss-ss-ss!!").
• Father Seamus Fitzpatrick, to whom Ted once lent his copy of Stephen King's The Shining, collector of (German) war memorabilia and not-so-closet Nazi. His ex-Wehrmacht housemate unfortunately confuses Valium with cyanide, spelling swift death all round.
• Father Brian Eno, an attendee at "It's Great Being a Priest '98", portrayed in a performance of rare depth and quality by Brian Peter George St. John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno himself.
• Father Kevin (Tommy Tiernan), whose suicide attempt Ted foils at IGBAP '98, and who is later cured of depression by Theme From Shaft, only to fall prey to Radiohead.
• Father Derek Beeching who mucks in to help with the milk-float crisis in Speed 3 ("Is there anything to be said for saying another Mass?").
• Father Jessup, the most sarcastic priest in Ireland and PA to Bishop Brennan. "No. I'm up in space doing important work for NASA".
• Father Bigley, who wasn't dead but just looked that way. He also had facial blotches due to an exploding kettle. An avid Dana fan, he is now rumoured to be in a home following some suspicious fires. (Perhaps fortunately, Father Bigley never actually appears on screen in the series.)
• Father Buzz Cagney, often imitated by way of fancy dress, he appears in the last episode, after seeing Ted help father Kevin from killing himself at the "its great to be a priest" celebration, and offers Ted a chance to work with him in a parish in America, which Ted decides to turn down on hearing about gun violence in the country.

[edit] Nuns

• Sister Assumpta, a crazed, sadistic nun belonging to the Mattie Hyslop cult, who tortures the lads with early rising and cold baths in Cigarettes, Alcohol and Rollerblading. Fortunately for Ted, she has one fatal weakness: chocolate. Ted encountered her before, as the leader of a group of nuns in And God Created Woman.
• Sister Imelda, aka 'the Blue Nun'. Apparently disappeared with Jack during a wedding.
• Polly Clarke, best-selling female novelist who became a nun after her experiences in And God Created Woman.
• Sister Julia, a nun who is reputedly 97 years old.
• Sister Margaret, a nun who asks Ted where he gets the ideas for his sermons.
• Sister Monica Mulligan, an Ulster nun who comes to stay with the boys and diagnoses Jack's death, but is unceremoniously shunted off when the details of his legacy are revealed.

[edit] Inhabitants of Craggy Island

• Sergeant Lewis, the island's answer to Jack Lord out of Hawaii Five-O. His predecessor was Sergeant Thornton, who for some reason left his handcuffs at O'Leary's. He appears in Competition Time, The Old Grey Whistle Theft and (played by a different actor) in A Christmassy Ted.
• Michael the cinema manager, an old friend of Ted and Dougal's, who lets them in for half-price.
• Fargo Boyle, owner of Chris the sheep, in the episode "Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep".
• Giant Reed and Hud Hastings, two men paid by Fargo Boyle to frighten Chris the Sheep, and who buy with their bribe money a fur coat and a crown respectively.
• Pat, an elderly gentleman who, despite the very recent death of his wife, insists on going to the cinema to see the controversial The Passion of St Tibulus.
• Mr Benson, elderly curator of the island's picnic spot. He appears to believe himself to be living in a spaghetti western movie. His beloved whistle was stolen from him, but he got it back. In the process, however, he lost all feeling in one leg, but since his memory was also affected couldn't remember which leg it was. Previously, he had an affair with his sister while his wife was in hospital, then got the babysitter pregnant.
• Sean Yin and his family the Yins, who appear to comprise Craggy Island's entire Chinese community.
• Colm, an old farmer.
• Auld Jim Halpen, who had the good fortune to be an eye-witness to the heinous whistle theft. Had a cold a few weeks back but is not dying
• Mrs Carberry, an old woman with an anti-Greek fixation, because "they invented gayness".
• The Sewage Supervisor, unnamed, who misguidedly entrusts Tom with a gigantic sewage lorry in Hell.
• Dr Sinnet, the island's doctor, who plays a large part in the life (and death) of the community. Has to get dressed up in a radiation suit to examine Father Jack.
• Imelda, winner of the Lovely Girls competition. She's 19, from Dundalk, and does not have a black belt in karate.
• Mary, runner-up in the Lovely Girls competition. Failed at the Lovely Laugh tie-break, despite having a lovely bottom.
• Pat Mustard, a sex-mad milkman who has to "keep yanking himself night and day" when he loses his milk round because of Ted and Dougal's incriminating photos. His twisted plan to blow up the milk float and kill Dougal (his replacement) reaches Ted's ears during a conversation on the phone. Fortunately, thanks to Ted's quick thinking involving a brick, the plan goes horribly wrong when the out-of-control milk float drives into Pat's phone booth and explodes, killing him.
• Mr Fox, the head milkman who sacks Pat Mustard after seeing Ted's incriminating photos. Despite finding the incriminating photos of Pat Mustard "disgraceful" he wants to buy them off Ted. He gives Dougal the job of driving the milk float and tells him to get going quickly because the milk goes sour, "except UHT Milk, but there's no demand for that because it's shite!!"
• Mrs Sheridan and Mrs Glynn, two old bats with an unusual taste in films; they are known to favour The Crying Game ("He got his lad out!") and Boyz N The Hood ("The pimps'll be using crack to keep the whores under control!").
• A Maori, who appears at the Craggy Island Celebration of Cultures, and is offended when Ted remarks that there are no Maori present, after mistakenly putting up a slide of a Maori.
• Alan, the rambling host of King of the Sheep.
• John and Mary, a married couple who own a hardware shop on Craggy Island. The pair utterly hate each other and are constantly insulting and devising ways to maim and kill each other, yet they behave like a happily married couple to Ted. Whenever the characters encounter John and Mary, it is generally when the pair are in the middle, or during the aftermath, of another attempt to kill one another.
• Tom, a violent village idiot, vivisectionist, armed robber, lorry driver etc. Tom is often to be seen wearing his "I shot J.R." t-shirt, looking at outsiders as they arrive on Craggy Island. Fr. Ted often displays a complete lack of interest in crimes or sins Tom may have committed. On one occasion when Tom confesses a murder, Ted tells him that he is much too busy to speak to him about it. Another time he sees Tom rob a post office while Ted is waiting in a car outside for him. Upon telling Tom that he hopes he isn't up to his old tricks, Tom replies "'Tis my money Father. I just didn't want to fill in the forms".

[edit] Celebrities

• Henry Sellers, jovial game-show host and unfortunately ex-alcoholic, who comes to the Island to host the All-Priests Stars in Their Eyes Lookalikes Competition and goes berserk on a glass of sherry, wrecking the place and running head first through the window. Fortunately Sergeant Lewis is on hand to bring him down with a tranquiliser gun at seventy-five yards.
• Richard Wilson (star of One Foot in the Grave) as himself. Gets very upset at Ted's quoting of his character Victor Meldrew's catchphrase, "I don't beelieve it".
• Eoin McLove, pop superstar (hits include My Lovely Mayo Mammy) who visits the Parochial House when Mrs Doyle, implausibly, wins a poetry competition. Explains that his obtuse behaviour results from the fact that, as he explains, "I've no willy". Based on Irish singer Daniel O'Donnell.
• Lazlo St Pierre and John Morgan, night-time and morning DJs respectively on a local radio station which the lads listen to while driving back from Father Finnegan's. Played by Graham and Arthur in yet another little cameo.
• Terry Macnamee, producer of the TV programme Faith of Our Fathers.
• Charles Hedges and Fred Rickwood, gay lovers and, respectively, producer and presenter of "A Song For Ireland".
• Niamh Connolly, a radical feminist pop singer. Her slogan is "Clit Power", and her greatest hit was probably:

Big men, in frocks,

Tell us what to do...

They can't get pregnant...

Like I do....

• Father Ben and Father Brendan, the stars of a TV sitcom much enjoyed by Ted and Dougal. Watch out for co-creator Arthur Mathews as the hilariously long-suffering Ben. In fact they both bear a startling resemblance to Ted and Dougal. Other Parochial House TV favourites include One Foot in the Grave, Byker Grove and Aliens (the Director's Cut of course).

[edit] Miscellaneous

• Mr and Mrs Gleason, a hapless couple at Kilkelly Caravan Park who have their caravan invaded, their lovemaking spied on, their private ablutions interrupted and their lives generally made a misery by the lads from the Island. In addition Mr Gleason is carried several miles naked through the countryside on the bonnet of Ted's car, and thrown to the ground. Mrs. Gleason returns briefly during the Speed 3 episode when Dougal delivers her milk, she thinks it'll be Pat Mustard, so she is topless, and screams when Dougal arrives.
• The St Luke's Youth Group (they're a mad crowd!), shepherded by Father Noel Furlong and comprising Gerry Fields (who overdid it at the disco), Janine Reilly (who crawled in at 10.30), Tony Lynch (who crawled in at ten past the eleven), and Nuala Ryan. Now believed to be in Paraguay.
• Father Peter Clifford and Assumpta Fitzgerald from the Ballykissangel mythos, who appear in Ted's dream in A Christmassy Ted.

[edit] Dougal's Pets And Other Animals

• Sampras, Dougal's pet rabbit.
• Ronaldo, Dougal's escape-prone, cycling hamster.
• Chris The Sheep, Fargo Boyle's multiple winner of "King of The Sheep" who suffers a crisis of confidence and starts burping.
• Big Brendan, another burping sheep who won the King of the Sheep in 1983, but Ted was convinced it was a "fluke."
• The Beast of Craggy Island, a fictional beast which is scaring everybody on the Island. It's as big as a jaguar (the big cat thing, not the car).

The Beast has a number of strange attributes:

• Its claws are as big as cups.
• It has four ears, two are for listening and two are sort of back-up ears. Some of the ears are on the inside of its head.
• It has a retractable leg to leap up at you better.
• Its tail is made of magnets, so if you're made of metal it can attach itself to you.
• It lights up at night.
• For some reason it has a tremendous fear of stamps.
• It only has eyebrows on Saturdays.
• Its yawn sounds like Liam Neeson chasing a load of hens around inside a barrel.
• Instead of a mouth it has four arses.
• It lives on the moors of Craggy Island, or at least the place where there should be moors...
• Many of the locals think it might be a kind of giant fox!!
• It's just a Stereogram hanging from a tree!!

• The Ants, a colony of giant ants living in the field that the Parochial House is in, which Dougal investigates with binoculars.

• Eamon the Race Rabbit, the rabbit that Dougal bets on when Ted tries to race the rabbits at the Craggy Island Greyhound Track in The Plague.

Father Ted
Characters
Father Ted Crilly | Father Dougal McGuire | Father Jack Hackett | Mrs. Doyle Bishop Brennan | Minor Characters
Major Cast and Crew
Dermot Morgan Ardal O'Hanlon | Frank Kelly | Pauline McLynn Arthur Mathews | Graham Linehan Pat Shortt | Jim Norton | Graham Norton | Tony Guilfoyle
Other Related Pages
List of Father Ted episodes | Craggy Island | My Lovely Horse | Feck