Father Ted Season 1

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Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.
Father Ted

Clockwise from top: Father Ted, Father Dougal, Mrs Doyle and Father Jack.
Genre Comedy
Running time 24 minutes
Creator(s) Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews
Starring Dermot Morgan
Ardal O'Hanlon
Frank Kelly
Pauline McLynn
Country of origin Ireland, UK
Original channel Channel 4, RTÉ
No. of episodes 6
IMDb profile

Contents

[edit] Good Luck, Father Ted

  • Original air date: 21 April 1995

A film crew, from Faith of our Fathers, from the mainland phones the parochial house offering to interview Ted. Ted is only too happy to be interviewed but doesn't want either of the other priests to also have the privilege. So as Father McGuire goes to 'Fun Land,' a fair that has come to Craggy Island and is situated in 'The Field' - which isn't actually a field but merely a place that has less rocks in it than any other place on the island. However as Ted is trying desperately to get to 'The Field' where he is about to be interviewed, he forgets that 'Fun Land' is also there. When they arrive at 'Fun Land' it is shown in reality to be an extremely boring place with less than interesting attractions, e.g. 'Freak Pointing' and 'Climbing the Ladder' - in which you must keep your hands on the side. Briefly after arriving Ted is spotted by Dougal who calls him over. Ted at first questions why Dougal is here and hasn't taken Jack for his walk by the cliff to which Dougal initially replies, "They were closed," and then upon hearing Ted's skepticism changes to, "They were gone," due to erosion. Ted tries his best to usher the pair away so that he can be interviewed in peace.

Whilst Ted takes Dougal away to discuss things such as how seriously Catholicism should be taken, Father Jack runs off. Upon returning they split up to try and find. Ted is successful in this venture and locates him sitting on a bench and he promptly joins him. The bench however is actually connected to the 'Crane of Death,' which lifts it fairly high from the ground without Father Ted noticing. He then stands up as if to take Father Jack back to his wheel chair but realises in time that he is in the air and manages to sit back down. As all of this has been taking place Dougal has met the television crewe that was intended for Ted and as they do not ask for his name and refer simply to him as 'Father' no one realises that there is a mistake. On seeing this Ted, still sitting on the bench in mid-air decided he has to do something but accidentally loses his balance and falls back to ground, severely injuring himself.

The episode ends with Ted, Jack, Dougal and Mrs Doyle watching Dougal's interview, in which he expresses his doubts about Christianity and says that he does not believe in organised religion but that he does believe in a 'Spider Baby.' As he is seen on the TV, there is a caption at the bottom, saying "Father Ted Crilly." Throughout the episode Dougal demonstrates his stupidity, having shaving cream all over his face when he hasn't even shaved, his limited knowledge of Catholicism and Christianity in general, not being able to recite the Lord's Prayer and how much he annoys Ted, Ted tells him that instead of saying prayers, inaccurately, he can praise God by going to sleep and leaving the room.

[edit] Entertaining Father Stone

  • Original air date: 28 April 1995

The episode opens with Dougal and Ted doing a jigsaw puzzle, with Dougal cutting the pieces into shape, and the pair of them discussing what they would wish for if they had three wishes and Dougal, proving that he has a limited imagination, is unable to think of anything without prior suggestion from Ted. Father Paul Stone has come down for his holidays, as he has been doing for the preceding six years every summer, to visit Father Ted. Unfortunately for Ted and the other inhabitants of the parochial house, he is extremely boring and is unable to hold a conversation, giving one sentence answers and questions whenever necessary. When discussing coming down for the holidays with Ted, Ted told him lies - to be precise 'great, big, massive lies with fecking bells hanging off them' - but this failed to deter Father Stone. When Father Ted and Dougal attempt to get away from him they say that they're going on holidays but he offers to mind the house while they're gone. Having to think fast in order to come up with a new excuse Dougal says that they are having the paintings re-hung, which will prevent anyone from remaining in the house for that period. Father Jack fails to take well to the news that Father Stone is there as well. Paul at one point even follows Ted into the bathroom, who is having a bath at the time, in order to defecate.

Whilst in their beds that night Ted and Dougal begin looking over Father Stone's previous visits, including one where they tried to avoid him by saying that they were in Rome but he turned up regardless forcing the pair of priests to spend five days in the atic, with no food or water but plenty of rats. Dougal expesses his hope that he will be gone by Ted's birthday party, which Ted has no doubts about as it is three weeks away. However Father Stone stays for the party, sucking all of the life out of it. Ted becomes so desperate that he prays to God to get rid of Father Stone any way that he can and offers to give money to any charity of the Lord's choice. Immediately after there is a bolt of lightning and thunder. Ted and Dougal are next shwn at the Craggy Island Crazy Golf Course in foul weather, extreme rain to be exact, maintaining that even that is better than being with Father Stone. However he turns up and they usher him into having a go. As he gets ready to swing he holds the golf lub up high and is struck be lightning.

Father Ted and Dougal are then in the waiting room at th elocal hospital as they wait for news on Father Stone's condition. They begin talking but Dougal once again exhibits his lack of intelligence which soon irritates Ted so much that he orders Dougal to stop talking. As they wait Father Jack is rushed in for 'today's emergency,' having drunk something unsanitary. The doctor believes it may be a combination of Babycham and Harpic. John and Mary arrive, Mary on a pair of crutches, John with a blood soaked bandage around most of his head as well as blood down his face and neck and a graze on one cheek, arguing and name calling as incessantly as ever. They claim their injuries are simple accidents barely worth coming to the hospital for. When taken in to see him Father Stone is in a pair of red pyjamas, standing up, still in th eposition he was struck in, with the golf club. He is not responding to any stimulus and is in shock.

Just after the priests have entered, Father Stone's parents and maternal grandmother arrive, with his father being very apologetic for his son's behaviour, scalding him for upsetting his mother like this and saying it may have been better if he had been killed. His grandmother says to Ted that she knows what he is up to. His mother then begins telling Ted how much of a hero he is to Father Stone and that when he returns after his holidays with Ted he is constantly talking and telling parents about what Ted has been saying and that as soon as he goes back home he begins counting the days until he goes back to Craggy Island on a calendar with Ted's picture on the first day that he will spend there. She also shows hima picture that Father Stone did of him and Father Ted. This makes Ted feel very guilty about what he prayed for and laso very scared that the grandmother is aware of what he said. He then begins praying at Father Stone's bedside, saying that Paul can stay for as long as he wants and that Ted will look after him until the end of his days. Dougal tries to intervene but Ted continues regardless. After a brief interval Father Stone regains consciousness.

[edit] Trivia

  • The name of the episode is a joke on, "Entertaining Mr Sloane."

[edit] The Passion of St Tibulus

  • Original air date: 5 May 1995

Father Hernandez, from Cuba, is at Craggy Island. They talk about many things, such as how the life of celibacy they must live is hard. Bishop Brennan is also mentioned and it is divulged that there is a rimour that, while he too should be honouring his vow of celibacy, he has a son who lives in America and is a doctor. As father Hernandez leaves he gives Father Dougal and Ted gifts from his coutry that were made there. They receive a video recorder - a very basic model as it only has a three week pre-record - and a wooden statue of a man with an extremely oversized penis, a Cuban fertility symbol, respectively.

The next day Bishop Brennan comes to the parochial house on an official visit. Since he is there Father Ted decides to ask if there is any chance of the three of them returning to their original parishes. The bishop quickly quashes any hope the three of them may have had, due to a wedding that Jack did on Athlone, Ted taking money and going to Las Vegas when a child was supposed to be in Lourdes and Dougal who was involved in something known only as 'The Blackrock incident,' in which many people's lives were irreparably damaged - Dougal innocently counters that they were only nuns. Len then reveals that his reason for visiting is the Passion of St Tibulus, a blasphemous film, which the Pope had banned but because of an unknown loophole it was showing in Craggy Island. He tells them that they, the Church, must be seen to be making a stand of some sort against it and that he wants it wrapped up as quickly as possible as he was recalled from his holiday in California to deal with it. He says that Ted, Dougal and Jack must make a protest against the film, though Jack didn't become involved as he is usually too inebriated for ecuminical matters and this time is no different.

Ted and Dougal go to the local cinema, where there are only two other people watching the film and one of them leaves as it is a French film that is subtitled and not dubed, to watch the film. Originally they plan to protest before the film even begins which they do but they quickly give in to Michael the manager's polite request for them to watch it peacefully as they will still receive the half price fare as they are members of the clergy and Michael will throw them out fro protesting disruptively once the film has finished. Discusiing the film later that night they agree that it was both challenging to understand and inaccurate, as Ted knows for a fact that St Tibulus wore more clothes than depicted wearing in the film. Then next morning Bishop Brennan arrives and orders them both to stop protesting again. They begin doing so, seven hours before the cinema opens, with plackards saying 'Careful Now' and Down with this sort of thing.' Dougal then offers to go to the O'Leary's shop for a pait of handcuffs so that they can do as Bishop Brennan demanded and chain themselves to a railing.

Bishop Brennan is then shown at the Parochial House looking for his something. Upon spotting Father Jack siting in his chair as always, he wants to know what he is doing. Father Jack merely replies 'Feck off!' and the bishop quickly moves on and reveals that he is searching for his travelling bag which he has lost, which has 'his passport in it and everything.' Before leaving he asks Jack to give it back to him if he sees it. Once gone, Jack repositions himself in his chair revealing that he was in fact sitting on the bag. He opens it and the first thing he sees is the passport, which he throws away. Secondly there is a video camera with a video in it entitled 'Holiday 95 California,' which he keeps on his person. Thirdly and finally he pulls out a bottle of bottle of Jack Daniels.

Dougal then enters the shop, where Mary and John hastily stop their bickering, and asks for the handcuffs saying that he and Ted need them to 'try something out.' They do have some that Sergeant Thorton gave them when he retired from the polie force. Though Ted and Dougal continue protesting faithfully, they fail to stop people from viewing the film, and they even end up encouraging people to watch it, leading Ted to make the observation that no-one cares what the Church says. Because of all the publicity that they have been giving the film it has even broken all records, being the most successful film since Jurassic Park. Father Jack even goes out of the house to watch it. They then realise that Father Dougal, has not got the keys - possibly due to never receiving them, possibly due to having lost them.

Back at the parochial house, with the pair of them still handcuffed to the railing which has now moves as they do, they are being scalded by Bishop Brennan for their failures and being tol dthat he is about to relocate them across the globe, i.e. outside Bishop Brennan's jurisdiction. He asks Ted where he would like to go in America, to which Ted hesitantly answer Las Vegas. Bishop Brennan then mockingly apologises and saya that he meant South America. There is a little island of the coast of Surinam where there are a couple of tribes that have been at war since 1907. The bishop then moves onto Dougal, remarking how funny it is that some places in the Philippines can continue going without a proper sewerage system. As he starts sarcastically questioning Jack as to where they can send him, Jack punches him in the face. The bishop then leaves, making no direct reference as to where Jack will be sent but simply saying that if he thinks Craggy Island is bad he should wait until he sees this place. Ted begins saying that they should all start their packing until Father Jck puts the video he stole from the bishop into the video recorder.It shows the bishop with a woman and a young boy on a beach. He is then shown kissing the woman.

[edit] Competition Time

  • Original air date: 12 May 1995

It is the first 'All Priests Stars in Their Eyes Lookalike Competition' and even though Ted has been saying for the last two weeks that he will be attending as Elvis, Dougal and Jack have dressed up as Elvis as well and as reasoning with someone who has Dougal's IQ is nigh on impossible, Ted thinks he will simply have to go as Mother Theresa again. Ted tries again to convince Dougal to not go as well when he receives a call from the Dick Byrne at the Rugged Island Parochial house, mocking his chances. Later Ted invites Henry Sellers, the man from the BBC who will be judging the cometition, to stay at the Parochial House until he has fulfilled his duties. Ted believes that if they are nice to him their chances of winning will improve.

When Mr Sellers arrives Ted greets him wamly but Dougal is unable to think of anything to say to him so, at Ted's prompting, he asks him his age, which is 37. Before Mr Sellers arrival Jack had drunk the contents of a bottle of Toilet Duck and began hallucinating and ran away when Mr Sellers spoke to him. It is then shown that Mr Sellers had been accompanied there by Father Dunne, a priest who laughs at the slightest of things, i.e. when he was last at there Father Jack lost his slippers, and can't maintain a proper conversation. Mr Sellers remarks angrily that the car journey was four hours long. Dougal, now trying to talk with Mr Sellers, makes coments about his hair, including that it is a wig. Ted tries to ingraciate himself with Henry by offering to get him anything he wants. Henry's first request was the English papers, which Ted could not get. The second is Dick Byrne's telephone number, to which Ted answers that Dick and his co-inhabitants are lepers and that Rugged Island is a leper colony. Ted and Mrs Dougal then cajole Henry into taking a drink of sherry. After that one drink he becomes extremely drunkn and destroys the living room. Father Dunn then discloses the fact that he is a raging alcoholic, who had been 'on the wagon' for a year, and that his drinking was the reason for being sacked from the BBC. He then jumps out of the window and runs off into the wilderness and the night.

The next day Father Ted and Dougal are with a policeman, attempting to track down Henry, still in his alcoholic state, but with less of his clothes. The policeman wants Ted to get him out of the woods so that he can shoot him with a tranquiliser dart. After Henry has been taken down, they see Jack but Ted decides to not have him tranquilised and instead leave him to return of his own accord when he wishes. The next day after Henry has sobered up, and Ted has assured him that nothing happened, Dick Byrne rings to mock Ted and his chances of winning further. He then suggests a bet of, at first £1, then £2 however Ted ups it to £5. Father Jack then returns, looking in quite a drunken state. Dougal at first suggests sobering him up but Ted says that he has an idea.

Then the first 'All Priests Stars in Their Eyes Lookalike Competition' is shown, where Dick Byrne is shown as having been Diana Ross and two of the Supremes, being in the lead with nine out of ten. Then Ted, Dougal and Jack go on stage each representing a period of Elvis's life, with Ted narrating. Dougal represents the youngest Elvis, who 'one day in the 1950s created rock and roll.' Ted then represents the next next oart of his life, with Jack bringing up the rear.They receive a ten out of ten for their performance from Henry and win the competition. Back at the parochial house Dick pays up and then heads off back to Ruges Island. Mrs Doyle then brings in a bottle of champagne with four glasses. Henry takes a sip and is once again in a drunken rage.

[edit] And God Created Woman

  • Original air date: 19 May 1995

Father Ted is at the book signing of Polly Clarke's latest novel, 'Bejewelled with Kisses' and they are both discussing their reading interests, including Oscar Wilde. Ted asks her to sign his copy of the book with Ted Crilly, omitting the father. Polly then discolses how much she envies Ted being a priest as she believes that he must have great peace of mind and a feeling of serenity. Ted rebuffs this, in a jovial manner, saying that he would actually like a bit of excitement. He then thanks her for teh autograph, informing her that he has to go as some nuns are visiting him. As he gets in the elevator, Ted realises that Polly had misheard his name and has in fact addressed the book to Ted Curley. Polly then steps into the evelvator, greeting him with 'Father Curley'. They ascend in the elevator awkwardly, with the only ice-breaker of 'Good luck with the book again,' coming from Ted as they leave the elevator and walk off in separate directions, heading for their cars. They are however parked right next to each other and more awkward conversation follows. The scene cuts and Ted is next seen sitting in a traffic jam. As he is so, Polly pulls up in the lane on his right and once again they spot each other. Ted begins pleadng with the traffic lights to change, pausing only briefly to once again wish Polly luck with her book. As the lights do change Polly drives off safely and Ted crashes into the car infront due to his haste. The driver of the car then gets out and punches him in the nose.

Ted is next seen walking in his front with a bloody nose, a bood soaked handkerchief and his new book. As he enters the lounge he sees Polly sitting in one of his chairs. He then promptly leaves the room, with neither of them saying anything, and rhetorically asks, God, out loud what's going on. He then re-enters the room and they greet each other pleasently. Polly reveals that she has rented a cottage on the island but it is not yet ready and so the builders suggested that she stay at the parochial house. Ted tells her that she is welcome. Mrs Doyle then enters looking very disdainful at Polly's presence and is less than polite towards her, as she leads her to the spare room. Ted then suggests that Polly have a shower. Quickly realising what he said, Ted says that she should only have one if she wants and that he doesn't want her to have one but thought that she might want to get out of her clothes. Mrs Doyle then leads her from the room. Ted then sits down to read and a magazine. Suddenly Dougal, who was hiding behind the chair, stands up, taking Ted by surprise. Ted enquires hat he was doing down there and Dougal says he was hiding since he doesn't know many women, and that his mother and Mrs Doyle are not real women. As Ted begins telling Dougal about Polly, a scream is heard from upstairs and they both rush up there. It turns out that Father Jack has moved from his room into the bed of the spare room and is unprepared to move. Ted introduces him and then tries to move him, receiving a punch from Jack for his trouble, again in the nose. He then tels Dougal to get out the cards, a variety of different colored rectangular cards. He then says he wants blue as it has a great calming effect on Jack. He then takes him from the room, with Mrs Doyle tellng Polly to ave a lovely stay.

Some time later, after his nose has been fixed up, Ted is in the lounge again, arranging several high brow books, with the intent of impressing Polly. Upon seeing the selection of books Dougal takes this to mean that Ted is throwing out the ones he could not get through. Mrs Doyle then brings in Jack in his wheelchair as Dougal is about to take him out for his walk and would like Jack in automatic mode, i.e. attaching a bottle of whiskey in the traditional carrot and the stick fashion, so that he can take it easy. Mrs Doyle and Ted then begin discussing Polly and her books, with Mrs Doyle expresing her dismay at the language used in her books, until Ted ushers her into the kitchen. Polly then walks in and quickly starts talking about her failed marriage, particularly the sex aspect. Worried she has shocked Ted she apologises but he maintains that he has heard far worse things in confession and then proceeds to walk uncomfortably to his seat, suggesting that he has an erection.

[edit] Trivia

  • The title is taken from, "And God created Woman."

[edit] Grant Unto HIm Eternal Rest

  • Original air date: 26 May 1995
    Father Ted
    Characters
    Father Ted Crilly | Father Dougal McGuire | Father Jack Hackett | Mrs. Doyle
    Bishop Brennan | Minor Characters
    Major Cast and Crew
    Dermot Morgan
    Ardal O'Hanlon | Frank Kelly | Pauline McLynn
    Arthur Mathews | Graham Linehan
    Pat Shortt | Jim Norton | Graham Norton | Tony Guilfoyle
    Other Related Pages
    List of Father Ted episodes | Craggy Island | My Lovely Horse | Feck

    [edit] External links

    Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org../../../f/a/t/Father_Ted_Season_1_5d50.html"
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