Etiquette in Asia
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As expectations regarding good manners differ from person to person and vary according to each situation, no treatise on the rules of etiquette nor any list of faux pas can ever be complete. As as the perception of behaviors and actions vary, intercultural competence is essential. However, a lack of knowledge about the customs and expectations of Asian people can make even the best intentioned person seem rude, foolish, or worse.
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[edit] Generalizations
Although Asia represents an enormous expanse of geography with an incalculable amount of different customs, and many rules of etiquette of Western culture are familiar throughout Asia and vice versa, noting the following points of etiquette can be useful when dealing with people around the world who have been raised according to an Asian tradition:
[edit] Appointments
In many situations, there is an emphasis on promptness and appropriate attire that surpasses what many Westerners might expect. Likewise, breaking social commitments such as appointments or even casual plans to meet with friends can be a serious faux. Preventing another person from keeping a commitment, especially with family, is rude as well.
[edit] Elders
Special respect is paid to older people in many circumstances. This can include standing when older people enter a room, always greeting older people before others present (even if they are better known to you), standing when speaking to one’s elders and serving older people first at a meal table. Touching the head, shoulders or back of an older person can be considered disrespectful even if the intent is to comfort or indicate affection. Older people are rarely referred to by first names but instead are addressed with such honorifics as Mr. and Mrs. or the appropriate non-English equivalents. Some times terms such as "Uncle" or "Auntie" are appropriate for older non-relatives.
[edit] Chopsticks
Etiquette forbids tapping chopsticks against the side of a bowl, crossing one’s chopsticks with those of someone else, and for two people to touch food with their chopsticks at the same time. Do not gesture with chopsticks or use them to skewer food. All these actions are seen as extremely impolite. Leaving chopsticks standing in a bowl of rice or other food is a faux pas based on the resemblance to sticks of incense in a bowl used to honor dead ancestors. [1]
[edit] Humility
Behaviors associated with humility, status and pride are very important in some Asian societies. For example, etiquette might demand that a great cook or artist should deprecate their own achievement in a way that might be viewed negatively as "fishing for compliments" or false modesty in the West. Conversely, there are situations in some Asian societies that allow for displays of wealth or ability that would be uncomfortably ostentatious or in bad taste in Western society. Pointing out this cultural difference might be a faux pas.
[edit] Luck
Certain customs regarding good and bad luck are important to many Asian people. Although these might be regarded as superstitions by many, these customs are often tied to religious traditions and are an important part of certain belief systems, even among the well-educated and affluent sectors of society.
[edit] Shoes
Traditionally, shoes are not worn in households in nations such as Japan, Korea and Vietnam, nor in certain holy places elsewhere, such as many Buddhist temples. The typical expectation is that shoes will be removed in the foyer and left neatly with toes pointing outside. Socks or stocking should be very clean and in good condition. In regions where shoes are not worn in houses these rules also apply to restaurants except for those that have Western-style tables and chairs. [2]
[edit] Etiquette by Region
Listed country-by-country, the following points define faux pas which might more easily befall an naive visitor to a given nation than a native or a seasoned expatriate. In considering this list, remember the following:
- In most countries there are significant numbers of people from different cultures, both immigrants and natives. For example, Laos has several groups of indigenous people who possess Laotian citizenship but are neither culturally nor linguistically Lao. A faux pas listed here under the heading for Laos might therefore apply to the Lao but not (for example) the Hmong people, or vice versa.
- Conversely, a point mentioned under a given country might, in some instances, be useful in avoiding a faux pas with people from that country living or visiting elsewhere.
[edit] Bangladesh
- Women do not shake hands but instead greet with a polite nod. [3]
- The "thumbs up" gesture is considered obscene. [3]
- Bangladesh has a large Muslim population. Many points of Etiquette in the Middle East are also applicable here. As Bangladesh has cultural ties to India, some points of etiquette listed here under that heading may are applicable at times as well.
[edit] Central Asia
Many countries in this region have traditions based on Islam and share values with other parts of the Muslim world. As such, guidelines regarding etiquette in the Middle East are often applicable to Central Asia as well. This holds especially true in Muslim majority countries such as:
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[edit] China, Taiwan and Hong Kong
- There are a number of faux pas derived from Chinese pronunciation one may wish to avoid, such as giving of timepieces, umbrellas, fans or green hats as gifts. For the same reason, avoid holding or reading a book where people are gambling or engaging in an activity based on luck (such as investing on stocks) or offering to share a pear with your loved ones. [4]
- On the eve of Chinese New Year, it is faux pas to completely eat a fish at a reunion dinner as there are specific customs surrounding this. [5]
- While mourning for a death in the family is a faux pas to attend a Cantonese wedding as its believed to bring bad luck to the marrying couple. [6]
- It may be considered shocking for a pregnant woman to attend a funeral due to the belief that this endangers her baby. [6]
- While splitting bills at restaurants is common among younger people, older adults might consider it a matter of prestige to pay for the bill and will often compete for the honor. However, allowing another to pay the bill without some protest may be a faux pas.
- China and Taiwan have been split for less than 60 years and still share cultural traditions developed over many centuries. However, although the official name for Taiwan is "Republic of China" and the term "Chinese Taipei" has been used at the Olympics, many inhabitants prefer to be referred to by nationality as "Taiwanese" rather than "Chinese" in English.
- Many standards of Western etiquette still apply in the former crown colony of Hong Kong.
[edit] India
- Guests are generally offered a drink and a snack depending on the season and the time of visit. Arriving at meal times might result in an invitation to the meal. However, at times this is just a polite offer and sometimes can be a faux pas. While dining, additional food might be offered multiple times. These are generally second and third "rounds" and it is fine to decline them.
- It is considered immature and hoggish to open a gift in front of the person who has given it. Gifts are opened in private.
- As India has a long colonial history, many rules of Western etiquette are widely observed.
- Writing, eating, accepting goods or making payments with the left hand can be a faux pas (as it is associated with hygiene and cleanliness). In some situations, using both hands together is a sign of respect. Many points of etiquette in the Middle East are also applicable here, especially in Northern regions where the Muslim presence is strongest.
- Many people in India and surrounding regions avoid shaking hands with individuals of the opposite gender. When meeting a person of the opposite gender, it is prudent to verbally greet them and then wait to see if the other person extends the hand first.
- For a man to make any comment about a woman’s appearance can be considered inappropriate.
- Asking a person to a social event (e.g. a bar or restaurant) typically implies that the person offering the invite will be paying for everything.
- Among many communities, beliefs regarding holiness and cleanliness forbid the touching of one's feet to a person or an important object such as a book or food vessel. Likewise, custom discourages displaying the soles of one's feet. Shoes are typically removed entering a dwelling or place of worship.
[edit] Indonesia and Malaysia
- Indonesia and Malaysia have a Muslim majority and some points of etiquette in the Middle East apply to dealings here. These countries also have a significant Chinese population to whom the points mentioned in regards to etiquette in China may apply.
- In Malaysia, one should not enter a mosque or Hindu temple without removing one’s shoes. For other places of worship such as Taoist or Chinese Buddhist temples and Christian churches some require footwear some while others forbid it.
- Nudity (and toplessness with regard to women) is absolutely prohibited on beaches. Besides offending others, violators risk arrest.
- Placing/slapping an open palm on the top of a sideways held fist of the other hand is a rude gesture. Inserting the thumb between the fore and middle fingers of a closed fist is another.
- Regarding the head and feet, the taboos listed below in regards to Thailand are widely observed in these countries as well.
- Pointing with one’s forefinger is considered impolite, especially when pointing at people. Instead, a closed fist held sideways (thumb at the top) with the thumb pointing the direction is used.
- Many Malays traditionally eat with their hands. In that circumstance, it is customary to follow their lead, using only the right hand to eat.
- Addressing strangers in formal situations by their names (even if they have nametags) is rude. Instead, "Mister" and "Ms." are acceptable.
[edit] Japan
See the separate article on Customs and etiquette of Japan for expanded information Japanese customs and etiquette can be especially complex and demanding. The knowledge that non-Japanese who commit faux pas act from inexperience can fail to offset the negative emotional response some Japanese people feel when their expectations in matters of etiquette are not met.
- Business cards should be given and accepted with both hands. It is expected that the cards will immediately be inspected and admired, then placed on the table in front of the receiver for the duration of the meeting. After the meeting, cards should be stored respectfully and should never be placed in a back pocket. [7]
- It is a faux pas to accept a gift when it is first offered and the giver is expected to offer it multiple times. Gifts are generally not opened in the giver's presence. [8]
- In greeting or thanking another person, it may be insulting if the person of lower status does not bow appropriately lower than the other person. However, foreigners are never expected to bow, often do it incorrectly, and end up looking silly. As the level and duration of the bow depends on status, age and other factors, it is a subtle art best left to the native Japanese (and even they find it challenging at times). [2]
- Pouring soy sauce onto rice is considered gross. [2]
- It is impolite to pour one's own their own drink in a social setting. Generally an individual will offer to pour a companion's drink and the companion, in return will pour the individual's drink. Although if one of you is drinking from a bottle to glass and the other one is drinking just from a glass, it is fine to pour yourself otherwise you will be in for a long wait.[2]
- Blowing the nose in public is a faux pas. Also, the Japanese do not use their handkerchief for hanakuso, literally "nose shit". [2]
- For women, not wearing cosmetics and a bra may seen as unprofessional or expressive of disregard for the situation.[2]
- Though most Japanese are very lenient with Westerners in this regard, it is faux pas to not using polite language and honorifics when speaking with someone having a higher social status. The Japanese honorific “san” can be used when speaking English but is never used when referring to one’s self. Japanese place surnames before given names but often reverse the order for the benefit of Westerners. Don’t get confused. [2]
- Although people around the world strive not to lose their tempers, expressing outward anger, annoyance or losing one's temper is an especially embarrassing loss of face in Japan. [2]
- A smile or laughter from a Japanese person may mean that they are feeling nervous or uncomfortable, and not necessarily happy.
- It is rude to not send a postcard for Japanese New Year to someone who sent you one. Sending such a postcard to someone who suffered a death in the family during the past year is a faux pas.
- Tipping is considered rude and is rarely done in Japan except in certain cases, such as tipping your surgeon for an operation, when visiting a high class Ryokan, or when dealing with house movers. Consult the locals to be sure what is appropriate. If you can’t bothered to wait for change, it is okay to tell a taxi driver to keep it. [2]
- Cash is a standard gift for weddings and for children at New Year.
- When beckoning someone with a hand gesture, hold the hand flat with palm down, then flex fingers towards the ground. To crook one or more fingers in the air is an obscene gesture.
- It is a faux pas to point directly at someone. Instead, extend fingers outward with you palm up (as if carrying a tray) and gesture towards the person.
- If using a toothpick, one should cover the mouth with the other hand. This comes from a Buddhist belief that showing any bone, including teeth, is dirty.
[edit] Korea
- Wiping or blowing one's nose in a restaurant, even if the food is spicy, is mildly offensive. If necessary, take a trip to the toilet or at least be very discreet. [1]
- In restaurants and bars, pouring one's own drink is a faux pas. Keep an eye on your neighbors' glasses and fill them if they are empty; they will do the same. To avoid over drinking, simply leave the glass near full. When pouring drinks, hold bottle in right hand, lightly place left hand on forearm near elbow. Turn head and look away to drink.[2]
- Leaving a gratuity is usually not accepted or expected.
- When handing an item to someone, it is considered rude to only use a single hand. Under most circumstances, especially when interacting with a stranger or a superior, one uses the right hand supported by the left hand.
[edit] Philippines
Influenced during its history by centuries of Spanish rule and a lively influx of influences from around Southeast Asia, the Philippines has a unique and particularly formal sense etiquette in many matters.
- Filipinos hold gentlemanly etiquette in high regard. In waiting rooms, on buses and so forth, men should always surrender their seats to the handicapped, pregnant women, elderly people, and women in general.
- Gift giving is important on many occasions. Coming to a party empty-handed is a faux pas. If a gift is unavailable on short notice, a food item may be brought instead on short notice (even when this results in a third cake at a birthday party or whatever). If invited by to a restaurant, do not assume the opportunity to buy the celebrant dinner. Bring a gift instead.
- To be offered a room to stay the night in someone's home is a great compliment. To refuse without a good reason is impolite.
- When attending a funeral, avoid wearing any loud color, especially red. Black, white, grays, muted and earth tones are proper colors for funeral attire. Money, flowers or prayer cards are acceptable gifts.
- Good posture is expected at the dinner table.
- Filipinos place importance on proper introductions. Older people are introduced to younger people first. Men are introduced to women first. Introduce a group to an individual first as the individual is not expected to remember all the names at first introduction. Failing to make proper introductions can be a faux pas.
- Always acknowledge the presence of elder in the room by shaking their hands. If the age difference is great, ask for their hand ("Mano") and bring it to the forehead. There are no kisses involved with this gesture, nor are there rules for "clean" and "unclean" hands.
- Waiters usually only come to take the order, refill drinks, and bring the check/bill. Most will not return to ask if anything else is needed but are very attentive and can be easily summoned.
- If someone is buying a meal for someone else, the buyer orders first. For the guest to order something more expensive is a faux pas.
- Seeming reluctant to socialize, especially at an event to which one is invited, could be considered offensive. Is it better manners to hide from attention than to directly ask for privacy or personal space.
- Children under one’s care are expected to avoid interjecting into adult conversations. One is expected to apologize for any distraction or unruliness on the child's behalf and take appropriate counteractive measures such as taking the child outside for a reminder about expected behavior.
- As much as Filipinos like to make jokes based on Filipino stereotypes and complain about certain aspects of life in the Philippines, it is almost always a faux pas for people of other ethnic groups engage in these activities.
- In general, hosts strive to appear happy and gracious while guests also strive to appear happy and grateful in all situations. Any shortcomings in this regard seen as bad manners.
- Hosts will invariably lay out a snack for their visitors. Visitors should always accept and consume the snack. Only in certain circumstances is it socially acceptable to decline, i.e., if the guest is allergic.
- While Filipinos use forks, spoons and knives, those utensils are used differently, particularly because rice is a part of most meals. The spoon, held in the right hand, is used to scoop up the food; the fork in the right hand serves as a helper in cutting up the food. Chopsticks are not normally used outside of Chinese restaurants.
- Though the world community does not remember the administration of Ferdinand Marcos fondly, and Filipinos of most regions also deplore the former president, avoid such comments in the Ilocos region, which was Marcos' home province.
- While the Philippines are predominantly Roman Catholic, some areas have a Muslim majority and many points of Etiquette in the Middle East can apply.
[edit] Singapore
- Singapore, a former crown colony of the United Kingdom, is the second most densely populated country in the world and possesses the highest standard of living in Asia. Many standards of etiquette in Western society are in place here as well. [9]
- Singapore has a very heterogeneous population with Chinese, Indians and Malays as the largest ethnic groups. As such, many points of etiquette noted above in regards to China, India, Indonesia and Malaysia can apply.
[edit] Thailand
- Touching someone (even a child) on the foot is a taboo as Thai Buddhism considers this an impure region of the body. Likewise, pointing with the foot or showing the soles of the feet is strongly discouraged. It is especially important to not to sit with the soles of one’s feet at images of the Buddha.
- Conversely, Thais regard the head as the highest part of the body, literally and figuratively. Touching someone’s head, even accidentally, requires an immediate apology.
- Thais hold their king in very high regard and any sign of disrespect is a major faux pas. Currency, postage stamps, magazines covers and any other items with the king’s image are never tossed to the ground or treated harshly. Even licking the back of a postage stamp is considered disrespectful. Most especially, these items are never trod upon as it is a sign of utmost disrespect to place one’s foot above the head of the king. Money or other items dropped accidentally should immediately be picked up and reverently brushed. [10]
- Kissing in the streets and any public display of affection are considered rude. While many Thais are relatively liberal-minded in matters of sexuality they maintain a strong sense of public decorum.
- When entering a house, stepping on the threshold is a faux pas that conflicts with Thai beliefs about good and bad luck.
- Some parts of Southern Thailand have a large Muslim population making applicable certain points of etiquette in the Middle East. Western etiquette applies among the expatriate communities of Bangkok and Pattaya.
[edit] Turkey
- Much of Turkey is in Europe and many points European etiquette apply. As Turkey has a Muslim majority, points of Etiquette in the Middle East may apply as well.
- Shoes are often taken off in the foyer (not outside the house unless they are especially dirty). Slippers may be offered. It is a faux pas to refuse slippers unless one’s socks are extremely clean and in good condition.
- As beliefs regarding bad luck from open umbrellas indoors are taken serious by some people, close umbrellas before bringing them inside. Some people believe that passing a knife directly to a person is bad luck as well. These beliefs are especially common among the elderly.
- Hosts typically insist that guests keep eating. One needn’t eat much, but should at least taste a bit of everything on the table and express appreciation for the taste and quality.
- Avoid hand gestures with which one is unfamiliar, such as making a fist with the thumb placed between the middle and index fingers. Many of these are offensive.
- Any comment to a person about the appearance of the latter's female relatives or wife might be seen as rude.
- If invited to dinner, one is expected to bring something (usually dessert). Avoid bringing alcohol unless sure that the host partakes.
- Friends might greet each other by handshaking and touching or kissing the cheeks. This is inappropriate for business.
[edit] Vietnam
- When going out to eat with other people, it is prestigious to pay for the meal. It is therefore rude to prevent someone from paying if they have made the offer first. The offer can be made as soon as going to a restaurant is discussed or anytime thereafter. On the other hand, inviting others for a meal, drink or event automatically creates the expectation that the one giving the invite will pay for the others. Among younger people, the practice of splitting the bill in increasingly common.
- It is customary to pour alcoholic drinks for others before pouring for one's self. Typically no one imbibes until everyone clicks their glasses together, at which time everyone drinks. This happens throughout the entire drinking session and not just at the beginning.
- Whether the meal table is Western-style with chairs or Vietnamese-style and close to the floor, it is rude to begin eating before inviting others to eat (particularly elders, guests, etc.). Children should always invite adults to begin eating first.
- Some Vietnamese meals involve scooping food into cabbage and similar fresh vegetables at the table rather than employing utensils. Fellow diners will typically enjoy helping newcomers master the technique.
- In Vietnam it is common to be asked how much one earns or how much was paid for something. Showing discomfort with the questioning may be looked upon as evasive or snooty.
- It is considered impolite to kiss a significant other in front of parents or other elders.
[edit] See also
- Etiquette in Africa
- Etiquette in Australia and New Zealand
- Etiquette in Canada and the United States
- Etiquette in Europe
- Etiquette in Latin America
- Etiquette in the Middle East
- Worldwide etiquette
[edit] References
- ^ a b Airman's Quarterly Spring 2006
- ^ a b c d e f g h i j Fodor's Tokyo Etiquette & Behavior
- ^ a b Cultural Tips
- ^ Susan Kurth Clot deBroissia International Gift Giving Protocol
- ^ Chinese New Year
- ^ a b Waters, Dan. Chinese Funerals (PDF).
- ^ Scott Reeves Forbes Magazine July 28th, 2005
- ^ Terri Morrison The Business of Gifts
- ^ Worldwide quality-of-life index Singapore's position in the World in terms of Quality of Life. The Economist. Retrieved on 2006-8-17.
- ^ ACIS Travel Talk August 2006
