Eric the Midget
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 |
This article or section may require cleanup to meet Wikipedia's quality standards. Please help improve this article or replace this tag with a more specific message. This article has been tagged since September 2006. (help, talk) |
Eric Lynch (born March 11, 1975), better known as Eric the Midget, is a frequent caller on the Howard Stern Show and a reluctant member of The Wack Pack.
[edit] Biography
Eric is diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a disease of the connective tissue. He is 3'5" tall, weighs 85 pounds, uses a powerchair, and says that he has outlived every doctor's predictions. Lynch's phone calls to the Howard Stern Show are often hard to understand because of his small lungs, which prevent him from completing a sentence without taking 4 or 5 breaths; sometimes he can not finish larger words (three or more syllables) without taking a breath.
Lynch has a particular obsession with American Idol winners Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and runner-up Katharine McPhee. This obsession spawned a frequently-played prank phone call by High Pitch Eric, who called Lynch pretending to be Kelly Clarkson. This call contained the High Pitch Eric line "Who's High Pitch? This is Kelly Clarkson", often played on the Howard Stern Show. Lynch has repeatedly (and unsuccessfully) asked Howard Stern to use his influence to get him dates with Clarkson or Underwood. He did manage to get McPhee's cell phone number, but at a price (see Lynch's inches).
Stern helped Lynch land a guest starring role on one of his favorite television shows, American Dreams, though Lynch remains ungrateful. Besides American Idol, his favorite shows include Las Vegas, WWE Wrestling, and Joey. He has a negative opinion of the popular TV show Lost. He named Be Cool as his favorite movie.
Lynch is also known, by his own request, as "Eric the Actor", although he is rarely referred to as such. He dislikes the name "Eric the Midget" because he finds the word "midget" offensive to a "little person": he equates it to referring to an African American as a "nigger". (For more detail, see Nicknames.)
[edit] Recent history
[edit] Howard Stern Bulletin Board
Lynch revealed to Stern that he wrote a thread entitled "I Am The Real Eric the Midget" on the Howard Stern Bulletin Board, and that he was kicked off the bulletin board minutes later. Lynch's username for the bulletin board was "KellysBiggestFan". Howard stated he would give Lynch an orange VIP name under the condition his username be "EricTheMidget". Lynch declined, and they then brainstormed on possible alternate usernames. Lynch suggested Eric "Wheels" Lynch as his username, but Howard declined and suggested EricTheLitigiousDwarf. Lynch then agreed on EricTheMidget as long as the word "evil" was not put into his username.
[edit] Get John's Job
Lynch called into the show during Richard Christy's trial period during the "Get John's Job" contest. Lynch was "pissed off" because Christy put audio clips of his voice in a parody film called "Night of the Midget" (parodying Night of the Living Dead). The Stern crew shortly after started to make fun of Eric, and played the parody film in question. The parody used hostile audio clips of the sort that Eric the Midget often makes towards the show. When asked if Lynch liked the parody ad, he responded with "No...", and added that Richard Christy wouldn't get his vote for the contest.
[edit] His own Sirius show and subsequent feud
Howard Stern offered Eric the chance to host a show on Sirius Satellite Radio to discuss American Idol; however, Eric didn't want to travel to New York City. After many back and forth negotiations, it was agreed that Eric could do the show from a Sirius studio in Los Angeles. During the on-air negotiations, Eric complained about being called "Eric the Midget" and Howard offered a new nickname: Eric the Astronaut. When Robin Quivers asked why, Howard answered "Why not?"
Eric's "The Idol Re-cap Show" aired on March 8, 2006 and featured Brian Dunkleman, ex-co-host of American Idol, as a guest. However, Dunkleman quickly usurped control from Lynch and began acting as the show's host. Some highlights of the show included Richard Christy calling in and asking, "How big is your midget cock?", and a phony Leslie Moonves congratulating Lynch on a great show. Afterwards, Lynch expressed that he felt "set up" due to the quantity of negative calls put through to his show and blamed segment producer Will Murray. Lynch then vowed to never call in to the Stern Show again. Stern and his fans were skeptical, however, because his final message was "Bye for n-... I mean GOODBYE" (Lynch often signs off with 'Bye for now').
On April 6, 2006, Howard Stern noted that Lynch had been sending emails to the show discussing American Idol, but Howard wouldn't read them on the air due to Lynch's self-imposed ban. The Howard 100 News interviewed Lynch during the Stern Show's April 2006 vacation, and Lynch stated that he'd only return to the show if Will Murray was fired.
On April 18, 2006, Lynch called in to the show to clear the air about supposedly being in love with the thirteen-year-old country singer who was featured on his show. Lynch denied being in love with the girl, especially as it is "illegal". He blamed Will for this allegation.
Lynch called in to the Stern Show on May 10, 2006 to make a plea to be included on the show without being called a "midget", having his voice mocked, or being associated with the Wack Pack. (See List of demands to appear on the show below.) He no longer demands that Will be fired, as Will has apologized to him. Lynch asked to be a West Coast correspondent for the Howard 100 News. Stern deduced that the real reason for the call was to get tickets to the American Idol finale (held in Hollywood, California) and teased Lynch by suggesting that Gary the Retard should cover the event instead, as he is a real "Wack Packer".
[edit] After the feud
In May 2006, Lynch called the show more than ever despite none of his demands being met. On May 17, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and turned down an offer to have sex with Tabitha Stevens.[1] He called again the next day with a list of "Wack Packers" with asterisks by the names of those with whom he didn't want to be associated. Lynch was also featured in a retrospective of his recent calls on Howard 100's "The Friday Show" on May 19, 2006. Lynch called the Ferrall Show on the same day; the show featured "Derek the Midget", a character who impersonated and insulted Lynch and claimed that Lynch stole his act.
[edit] Lynch's inches
On May 22, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and measured his penis in exchange for American Idol contestant Katharine McPhee's phone number. Lynch claimed that his penis measured at just over five inches. He was also insulted again by "Derek the Midget" and a frequently-played Sal and Richard bit featuring a fanciful sexual encounter between Lynch and Tabitha Stevens.
[edit] "Wackipedia" controversy
On June 5, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and complained that his parents had read about him measuring his penis on Wikipedia (which he called "Wackipedia"). Stern read the section of the article regarding penis measuring on the air. Stern Show producer Gary Dell'Abate commented on-the-air that he and the Stern Show staff enjoy the picture of Lynch used in the Wikipedia article.
Flustered, Lynch refused to perform any further strange tasks to meet Katharine McPhee, suggestions of which included urinating or defecating in a diaper, inserting a ruler or a Sirius satellite receiver into his rectum, submitting to a proctological exam, wearing Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf's old bunny outfit, Richard Christy vomiting on him, being flushed down a toilet, being sent in the mail, or holding one hundred helium balloons and seeing if he was carried away.
[edit] Balloon Boy?
On June 6, 2006, Lynch agreed to sit in a lawn chair while he was lifted up by balloons. Stern told Lynch that if he did not attach the balloons directly to his body, he could not to meet Katharine McPhee. Stern then noted that perhaps Lynch would be hit by lightning, which could result in the merging of Lynch and the balloon, creating a new superhero, Balloon Boy!
On the next day, Lynch refused to even consider any stunts due to the new insulting bits being played about him, including a song parody "Fly Me with Balloons" (to the tune of "Fly Me to the Moon", sung by Sal the Stockbroker with a digital "midget" voice effect) and a prank phone call using recordings of Lynch's voice to a balloon shop. When Stern said one of the bits was great, Lynch responded, "That was not great you big-nosed retard!"
Despite Lynch's constant complaints about being unfairly insulted, he continued calling in and being put on the air almost every day since his feud fizzled out in May 2006. On June 7, 2006, Stern commented that Lynch might be the "King of the Wack Pack".
On June 8, 2006, Howard Stern played a voice mail message on the air indicating that Lynch is "at war" (see His own Sirius show and subsequent feud above) with Stern yet again, due to the constant mockery he has been enduring on the air recently. Lynch threatened to call Katharine McPhee to warn her not to do the Stern Show. Stern expressed the belief that Lynch would nonetheless call back and would perform the balloon stunt.
[edit] Will the real Derek the Midget please stand up?
On June 9, 2006 Lynch called in to the Ferrall Show and accused Howard 100 News reporter and comedian Shuli of being "Derek the Midget", which Shuli denied. On June 12, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show to complain about his treatment on-air and demanded to know the identity of "Derek the Midget", who Stern stated was in fact Shuli.
[edit] The Balloon Boy controversy continues
In the week beginning with June 18, 2006, Lynch called The Intern Show, Superfan Roundtable and The Friday Show in addition to the Stern Show. Lynch expressed concern over whether the LPA (Little People of America) would accept him if he performed the "balloon stunt" or a similar stunt. On June 26, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show and was so angered by Stern's calm assurance that he will perform the balloon stunt that he said he wished Stern would die of a heart attack and go to hell, then hung up without so much as a "Bye for now".
[edit] A change of heart or "Bye forever"?
On June 27, 2006, Lynch called the Stern Show again. Lynch belittled Stern and his crew until Stern offered him a new tantalizing offer in exchange for Lynch performing the balloon stunt. Stern received a letter from a woman named Valerie who worked part-time as a nurse while attending law school. Valerie wrote that she would like to take Lynch out on a date and if the two hit it off, "anything could happen". Stern e-mailed Lynch the pictures of Valerie that she had sent to the show. Valerie then called in and confirmed what she had said previously in her letter and that she would even stand by Lynch as he performed the balloon stunt and catch him in her arms. Following the call Lynch seemed to be reconsidering his stance on the balloon stunt although yet again he refused to say his catchphrase "Bye for now".
On June 28, 2006, Lynch called in with a new, more expensive, list of demands, including large cash prizes for himself and the LPA and a new car. (See List of demands to perform the "Balloon Stunt".) Stern didn't consider meeting any of the demands and told Lynch he didn't want to hear from him until he agrees to the balloon stunt. Stern and Lynch seemed to have arrived at a stalemate.
Lynch inevitably lifted his self-imposed moratorium on calling into the Stern Show, though initially only to leave messages on the voicemail of associate show producer Will Murray. A message from Lynch was played on the July 31, 2006 show: in the message, Lynch taunted Stern by discussing his [Lynch's] recent meeting with Hulk Hogan and Hogan's daughter Brooke. A message played on the August 1, 2006 show contained several "hopeful" predictions by Lynch that meetings with, among others, Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood would happen. Lynch continued to bait Stern, bragging that he no longer needed the show to meet celebrities. Stern characterized Lynch as an "ingrate" while reaffirming his belief that Lynch would again be on the show. Around this time Lynch also changed the settings on his MySpace page so that only people he had accepted as "friends" could access his page.
[edit] The Sal and Richard agreement
On August 14, 2006, Lynch left a message to the show agreeing to fly with balloons, but only under the agreement that Sal Governale and Richard Christy would strap on dildos and pleasure each other orally. Sal and Richard readily accepted.
Then, on August 15, 2006, Lynch called into the show along with Johnny Fratto, who had befriended him and said that he was indeed the one who "negotiated" the terms with Lynch to fly with balloons. Sal and Richard claimed that they did not want to perform the stunt; however, Howard said that if they did not do it, they would be fired. Again, Eric complained to Howard about the Eric the Midget-themed parody songs and use of the word "midget".
On September 5, 2006, Eric stated further excuses for why he won't fly with balloons, and added more demands such as Howard Stern hiring a "team of doctors" so he can get the use of his legs back. Lynch stated that only then would he be grateful for all the things the show has done for him in the past. Dr. Von Fredrickson (a character played by Fred Norris) claimed he could attach Schnauzer legs to Eric in an experimental procedure. Eric refused.
On September 11, 2006, Eric called in to ask if he could participate in the $25,000 football pool with other Wack Packers "Elegant" Elliot Offen and Crazy Alice. Stern denied his request and the crew proceeded to mock him. Eric then told Howard that he was not able to make it to the premiere of Artie's movie Beer League. He then told Howard that he would, once again, agree to fly with balloons if Howard was able to get him into the premiere of an upcoming WWE movie, the provision being that Howard would sign a release that would hold Sirius responsible for any injuries that Lynch received due to the balloon stunt. Howard refused, hung up on him, and proceeded to laugh and mock him with the rest of the crew for the next several minutes.
On September 13, 2006, Eric called in to speak with Howard about flying. Lynch stated that he had finally come to an agreement and said that he had told Johnny Fratto to relay the message, but Howard hadn't heard from Johnny yet. At any rate, Howard noted that the whole point of having Eric flying was that he could appear to be like Superman, and that flying in the powerchair would be next to impossible. Sarah Silverman said that if he did this task, she'd let him suckle her breast for milk, but also referred to him as a "fickle pickle", suggesting that she too was skeptical that Eric would fly. Jimmy Kimmel, Sarah's boyfriend, said that seeing a man fly with balloons was also a personal dream of his.
On the September 26, 2006 Howard Stern Show, Lynch, now being "represented" by Johnny Fratto, negotiated a trade-off whereby Lynch would agree to the airing of a cartoon parody of an encounter with adult film actress Tabitha Stevens in exchange for tickets to the premiere of The Marine starring WWE star John Cena. The "balloon stunt" is "off the table" for now.
On November 29, 2006, An Eric the Midget phone call was put through on the show. Eric complained about not being able to get on the show in the past three weeks. Howard mentioned that he has been very busy. Eric then announced he would allow Howard to fly him with balloons on January 9th, 2007. However, Eric did demand tickets to the 2006 Billboard Music Awards and a cameo appearance on the NBC TV show Heroes. Eric was quickly hung up on.
[edit] Participation In The Football Pool
On the October 19, 2006 Howard Stern Show, Stern offered Lynch the opportunity to take the place of fellow Wack Pack member Elliot Offen in the $25,000 Football Pool. Lynch, a fan of Bay Area sports teams, including the Oakland A's and Oakland Raiders, appeared eager to replace Offen and chose the Indianapolis Colts as a home favorite over the Washington Redskins.
[edit] Eric the Midget's lists of demands
Lynch has made several lists of demands that he requires met by the staff of the Howard Stern Show if they want him to perform particular stunts. Typically, Lynch threatens to never call or otherwise correspond with the show again if the show does not meet his demands. However, Lynch has always called back eventually, despite few of his demands ever having been met.
[edit] List of demands to appear on the show
Following is one of Lynch's earlier list of demands. Later lists requested large sums of money, cars, and computers, among other things.
A fifth demand, to fire producer Will Murray, was retracted after Murray apologized to Lynch (see His own Sirius show and subsequent feud listed above).
- Do not call him a "midget".
- Do not make fun of his voice.
- Do not associate him with the "Wack Pack".
- Do not laugh.
[edit] Nicknames
Eric has a variety of nicknames, most given to him by Stern Show staff and some requested by him.
[edit] Show Nicknames
Show nicknames, other than "Eric the Midget," are jokingly created during on-air conversation and are often never used again. Howard Stern Show staff members Howard Stern, Robin Quivers, Artie Lange, and Fred Norris are the prime creators of these nicknames.
- Balloon Boy
- Eric the Astronaut
- Eric the Bodybuilder
- Eric the Bore
- Eric the Ewok
- Eric the Freakishly Small Actor (proposed by Artie Lange)
- Eric the Liar
- Eric the Legal Expert
- Eric the Midget Actor
- Eric the Person
- Eric the Pygmy
- Eric the Grouch (proposed by Stern, September 27, 2006)
- Eric the Human Dildo (proposed by Robin Quivers)
- Eric the Midget Who Doesn't Know Himself
- Eric the Movie Star (proposed by Crazy Alice during a yelling match with Artie)
- Eric the Quitter
- Eric the Sex Toy (proposed by Robin Quivers)
- EriKnievel (a reference to Evel Knievel; in September 2006 Howard said he would use this name if Lynch would fly on balloons)
- Grumpy Munchkin
- Shit-Eating Fidget
- Speed Racer (a nickname from high school, given due to Lynch's speeding through the hallways in his powerchair)
- Super Eric
- Eric The Litigious Dwarf
[edit] Eric's Picks
Eric’s Picks are nicknames that Eric would rather be used. However, neither Stern nor the staff ever honor these requests. Sometimes the Howard 100 News or the Ferrall Show will use "Eric the Actor", which is second to "Eric the Midget" as the most common nickname.
- Eric the Actor
- Eric the Idol Expert
- Hollywood Eric
[edit] Memorable quotes
- "Good morning."
- "Hello, Gary."
- "Hello, Will."
- "Eric the ACTOR" (correcting anyone calling him Eric the Midget)
- "There's nothing wacky about me."
- "Bye for now."
- "Shut your fat mouth!"
- "This is getting fucking ridiculous as hell."
- "Your boss is a piece of shit." (referring to Howard Stern)
- "Doesn't that make sense to you, or is your brain that dumb that you can't even get that?"
- "Know what? I am getting SO DAMN SICK of being LEFT ON HOLD!"
- "That was not great you big-nosed retard!" (referring to a comedy bit)
- "You cannot make somebody do something they do not want to do. IT'S INHUMAN."
- "Listen to me, you big-nosed jackass!"
- "I'm really absolutely sick of this balloon shit."
- "HEY! I'm going to prove you fucking wrong you big-nosed sack of shit."
- "750 what?"
- "No!"
- "...you arrogant idiot!" (referring to Howard insisting he will do the balloon stunt)
- "I'm not considering shit."
| The Howard Stern Show | |
|---|---|
| Cast | Howard Stern • Robin Quivers • Artie Lange • Fred Norris • Gary Dell'Abate • Benjy Bronk • Richard Christy • Sal the Stockbroker • J. D. Harmeyer • Scott Salem • Will Murray • George Takei |
| Former Cast | Billy West • Jackie Martling • Stuttering John • K. C. Armstrong • Tom Chiusano • A. J. Benza |
| The Wack Pack | Beetlejuice • Eric the Midget • Miss Howard Stern • High Pitch Eric • Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf • Riley Martin • Siobhan Meow • Jeff the Drunk • More... |
| Howard Channels | Bubba the Love Sponge Show • Scott Ferrall • The Wrap-Up Show • Howard 100 News • Superfan Roundtable • More... |
| See Also | Show Celebrity Guests • Show Games and Bits • Sirius Satellite Radio • Sirius Canada • Ronnie Mund |
[edit] External links
Categories: Cleanup from September 2006 | Wikipedia articles needing factual verification | 1975 births | Living people | Actors with dwarfism | American radio personalities | Howard Stern Show | People from Sacramento, California | People with dwarfism | Sirius Satellite Radio | Sirius Satellite Radio personalities | The Wack Pack
