Dutch customs and etiquette
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The Dutch have a code of etiquette, the code that governs the expectations of social behaviour, and it is considered very important. Because of the international position of the Netherlands many books have been written on the subject.
Some customs listed here may not be true in all regions of the Netherlands. Nevertheless these are generally accepted modern customs in the Netherlands. Some customs have changed over the course of history.
In addition to those specific to the Dutch, many general points of etiquette in Europe apply to the Netherlands a well.
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[edit] The People
The Dutch society is egalitarian, individualistic and modern. The people are modest, tolerant, independent, self-reliant, and entrepreneurial. They value education, hard work, ambition and ability. The Dutch have an aversion to the nonessential. Ostentatious behaviour is to be avoided. Accumulating money is fine, but spending money is considered something of a vice and highly associated with being a show-off. A high style is considered wasteful and suspect. The Dutch are very proud of their cultural heritage, rich history in art and music and involvement in international affairs.
[edit] Greetings
When entering a room it is customary to shake hands with everyone present whether it be men, women, or children. Shake hands again when you leave. Usually if accompanied by an acquaintance he or she will introduce you to others; if no one is present to introduce you, do it yourself. The Dutch consider it rude not to identify yourself.
When introducing themselves the Dutch will shake hands and will generally say either their first or their surname. Usually they also answer the telephone with their last name, usually preceded by "met", which means (you're speaking) with, not "Hello" or "Hi". Children tend to answer the phone by saying their full name (first + surname) to avoid being mistaken for their parents as the Dutch often get straight to business and tend to chat afterwards.
When you spot or make eye contact with someone you know with a relative distance in between, for example when on opposite sides of a street, it would be wise not to yell for this person. It is considered impolite to shout a greeting, and will probably cause some annoyed looks. Instead, wave if greeting someone from a distance, or quicken your pace to catch up with them.
When arriving at someone else's house, it is considered impolite to step in the house without being explicitly asked to do so. Also, be careful what you do even when told to "make yourself at home"; the Dutch don't take kindly to people who go "searching" their house or even as much move one step forward too much. It is also a good idea to ask where you may be seated as taking a seat in the house owner's personal chair or spot on the sofa can make the house owner feel invaded.
When meeting with friends and relatives, the Dutch usually kiss each other on the cheeks three times. Normally, the first kiss is given on the left cheek, the second kiss on the right cheek and the third kiss again on the left cheek. Women will kiss women and men, whereas men will only kiss women and shake hands with other men. This ritual is also often used when saying goodbye.
[edit] Body language
Compared to most cultures, the Dutch are rather reserved in public and do not often touch each other or display anger or extreme exuberance.
The Dutch value privacy and seldomly interact with strangers, no matter where they are from. However this should not discourage foreigners in their actions. Dutch people are very curious and when addressed will most often converse or try to converse with you and try to be of any assistance.
The Dutch expect eye contact while speaking with someone. Looking away or staring at the ground is considered very impolite and may be perceived as if you are lying.
The same, but to a lesser extent, goes for hand gestures accompanying speech. The Dutch tend to be reserved in using hand gestures but are often offended if their conversation partner has his hands in his pockets or his arms crossed. Hand gestures do, however, give the impression of self-confidence and they make the user look social and approachable. Using hand gestures to accompany your speech is usually seen as a characteristic of an 'open' personality.
The crazy sign is made by tapping the centre of your forehead with your index finger. This gesture is considered very rude. To make things even more complex, the sign indication someone is smart or intelligent is made by tapping the area around temporal bone (just above the ear) with the index finger.
Another rude sign is to 'give someone the finger' by raising your hand and sticking up your middle finger. If this sign is accompanied by slapping the elbow of the raised arm with the palm of the other hand, it turns into one of the most insulting sexual gestures that exist in Dutch culture.
Nodding the head is a sign of agreement, but shaking the head from right to left is very rarely a sign of disagreement. Rather, the shaking of the head tends to imply disapproval or (if combined with looking away) sadness and compassion.
Winking at strangers (when not accompanying an insider's joke) will generally be perceived as a sexual advance and is unlikely to be appreciated. Dutch society values equality and women are considered equal to men. For this reasons most women are unlikely to be charmed by sexual advances of the sort.
[edit] Dining and Entertainment
To beckon a waiter or waitress, raise your hand and/or make eye contact. This usually works, if not just say "ober" (waiter) or "mevrouw" (which normally means "madam", but in the context of a waitress it is correct).
In most cases the Dutch will make it clear when they intend to pay the bill, if not assume to "go Dutch" and pay your share. No one will be embarrassed at splitting the bill and the latter generally is the norm rather than the exception.
Dutch manners are frank and can be described as a no-nonsense attitude, informality combined with strict adherence to basic etiquette. This might be perceived as impersonal by some other cultures but is simply the norm in Dutch culture.
Food does not play a major role in hospitality, like it does in many other cultures. It is not imperative for making someone feel welcome. Do not expect to be served a meal unless the invitation specifically mentions a meal. Do not try to stay over until dinner is about to be served, it is considered rude as dinner is often considered a precious family moment, or at the very least a private moment. Usually only family or the closest of friends may join without asking.
If one does get invited for dinner then please note that the men are expected to wait until all women are seated before they themselves sit down. This, of course, is subject to the people you will be dining with. Try to start by taking a small quantity of food. A second helping will be offered and it is polite to accept.
While eating remember to keep your hands on the table at all times during a meal. However make sure you keep your elbows off the table, as it is considered impolite. (Dinner) Parties may continue until very late in the evening. Plan to stay for an hour or two after dinner.
Do not ask for a tour of your host's home; it is considered impolite. If offered, however, accepting is considered to be the polite response.
[edit] Conversation and language
The Dutch avoid the use of superlatives to illustrate points. Compliments are offered sparingly. When something is "not bad" or "OK" it is good, the remark is a praise, rather than a sign of disinterest. A person who never criticizes others or who's afraid to speak on his or her own behalf is seen as either being simple-minded or failing to tell the truth. Foreigners do not need to worry much about saying something that might (in their own culture) hurt feelings or be perceived as an insult. The Dutch will argue, but seldomly take offence. Dutch humour is subtle and somewhat black, rather than slapstick. It uses sarcasm in order to get a point across, in more or less the same way as English humour does.
The Dutch speak directly and use a lot of eye contact. To a foreigner this might seem to be very intimidating, especially in cultures where matters are discussed with extreme care and politeness, but it is just the way the Dutch prefer to communicate.
In most languages, including English, the term "Holland" or similar is used as a synonym for the Netherlands. Do not call the Netherlands "Holland" when speaking to Dutch people, as it may cause a discussion about what Holland actually is. Remember that Holland is a region in the Netherlands, consisting out of 2 (out of 12) provinces (North Holland and South Holland). In certain area's of the Netherlands it is even considered rude to use the term Holland as a synonym for the Netherlands. An exception is football, as the Dutch in that case will sometimes refer to their country as "Holland".
Do not discuss expensive items you have purchased recently (or anything similar), as the Dutch will most likely interpret this as boasting about it. Asking personal questions is equally dangerous, as the Dutch are quite private and will most likely feel uncomfortable answering questions that are (in their interpretation) too personal.
Globally the Dutch are thought to be good at languages. This is true to some degree. The Netherlands have a very high standard of education and an education system which greatly focuses on the international position of their country. According to a census, about 85% of the Dutch people are able to speak a reasonable amount of English although the accent can be quite present. While this doesn't imply fluency, they usually know enough to show you the way or explain where one can have a decent meal.
Trying to address the Dutch in their own native language will usually result in a reply in English. The Dutch language is extremely hard to pronounce and most Dutch people will perceive a foreigner trying to speak Dutch as someone who's having great difficulties trying to express him or herself. If you insist on speaking Dutch though, this is no problem and the Dutch will often correct you or help you with the correct pronunciation of words. The Dutch will find it charming that someone is trying, although he will be genuinely surprised that a foreigner is attempting to learn his language.
[edit] Business etiquette
Normally business is discussed during lunch. Business breakfasts are not very common. Spouses or partners are often included in a business dinner. One should always ask if the host expects your spouse/partner to be present at a business function. Do note that business matters are usually not discussed when the partners are present or actively following the conversation. The Dutch prefer fashions that are casual, unpretentious, conservative and subdued. The traditional suit and tie is required only in certain circles of business and government.
Gifts are generally not given or expected at business meetings as they are only exchanged in business once a close, personal relationship has developed. The Dutch find any form of ostentation embarrassing. A grand gesture of generosity will only make them uncomfortable. Displays of wealth which are too obvious are considered bad taste and will most likely get a negative response.
When invited to someone's home, bring a small gift for the hostess. Bring children candy or a small gift. Sending flowers before or after the party is considered inappropriate, however bringing them on the occasion is perfectly acceptable. Spending money on sending them is seen as a waste because unnecessary when you're going to be arriving yourself anyway.
The Dutch take punctuality for business meetings very seriously and expect that the other party will do likewise; if you are delayed or think you will be, call with an explanation. Lateness, missed appointments, postponements, changing the time of an appointment or a late delivery deteriorates trust and can ruin relationships. Some advice: when you need to postpone or change the time of a meeting, do it in a timely manner. Calling half an hour in advance is considered bad manners.
The Dutch are extremely adept at dealing with foreigners. They are arguably the most experienced and most successful traders in Europe. Nevertheless the Dutch tend to get right down to business. Business negotiations proceed at a rapid pace and require constant attention. While this may seem impersonal, it is considered to be efficient, and pleasantries may follow after the business has been attended to. Mixing business with pleasure, as is more common in Southern Europe, is seen as a waste of time by the ever-impatient Dutch business-people.
An individual's cooperation and trust are valued over performance; one-upmanship is frowned upon.
The Dutch tend to be direct, giving straight "yes" and "no" answers. They are conservative and forceful and can be stubborn and tough negotiators. They are very willing to innovate or experiment, but with minimal risk and hasty conclusions.
Companies are frugal and careful with money. Business is profit-oriented with the bottom line being very important. However, even though the strategy is cautious and pragmatic, usually involving step-by-step plans, the Dutch are not obsessed with numbers. Strategy is clear and communicated to all levels. In many companies the decision-making process is slow and ponderous, involving wide consultation (poldermodel). The Dutch do not appreciate the "I call the shots" mentality, instead the Dutch will keep talking until all parties agree. Once decisions are made, implementation is fast and efficient.
In the Netherlands, commitments are taken seriously and are honoured. Do not promise anything or make an offer you are not planning to deliver on. When making a verbal agreement with someone and others are present it has about the same worth as a signed contract (even from a legal viewpoint), so avoid making loose promises at all costs.
[edit] See also
[edit] External links and sources
- Dutch culture website
- International site on etiquette
- The Undutchables, by White & Boucke.
- The Xenophobe's Guide to the Dutch, by Rodney Bolt.
- Dutch customs
