Crush Girl Love Panic
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| Weeds episode | |
| "Crush Girl Love Panic" | |
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| Episode no. | 16 |
|---|---|
| Prod. code | 206 |
| Orig. airdate | 2006-09-18 (Showtime) |
| Writer(s) | Devon K. Shepard |
| Director | Tucker Gates |
| Guest star(s) | See Below |
| Theme song performer | Aidan Hawken |
| Season 2 2006-08-14 – 2006-10-30 |
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| List of all Weeds episodes... | |
"Crush Girl Love Panic" is the 16th episode of the Showtime series Weeds. It is the 6th episode of the second season. It originally aired on September 18, 2006.
[edit] Plot
While attempting to coax Silas from his room, Nancy receives a call from Conrad. Conrad is worried, and asks Nancy to go with him into the grow house. Nancy asks why, and Conrad explains that the DEA raided some nearby houses, and he senses there is something wrong with the grow house. Nancy agrees to meet Conrad. At the grow house, Nancy and Conrad find a mess, and no one tending to it. Chairs are toppled, and plants are spilled. A bush of plants are in the toilet. Worried that Sanjay is in jail, Nancy calls his cell phone. To their surprise, Sanjay's phone begins to ring in a closet. Nancy opens the door, to find a terrified Sanjay. He is relieved to see that the people who opened the door are nancy and Conrad rather than DEA agents. He asks them to hold on while he sees who's calling him. He answers the phone, and Conrad grabs Nancy's phone to yell "What the fuck happened?" into the phone. Sanjay explains that he and Andy thought they were being busted, and tried to flush the marijuana down the toilet. Conrad scolds Sanjay. Sanjay doesn't know where Andy is. He explains that he last saw Andy yelling "Out of my way brownie!" before running off. Conrad asks where the mother plant is. Sanjay explains that Andy had it last, and then asks Nancy if he may leave. Nancy tells him to go home. Andy is found huddled in a utility closet, and has the mother plant. Andy is not terrified, but relieved to see that there was no raid on the house. Conrad is extremely upset to learn that Andy urinated on the mother plant in an attempt to provide it nourishment. Andy attempts to explain that urine has nitrogen in it. Conrad angerly explains that the concentration of nitrogen in urine is too strong to be useful to a plant. Conrad goes to clip some clones to try and get the grow house back in operation. Andy speaks his mind in saying that he's happy not to be in jail. Nancy scolds Andy and suggests that everything was fine until he trashed the house. Conrad suspects that Nancy isn't being up front with him.
On the set of Isabelle's Huskeroo's commercial, Dean compliments the work of her hairdresser. Then Celia shows up, much to the dismay of Isabelle and Dean. Celia begins to insult Isabelle and Dean before instructing the hairdresser how to do her Isabelle's hair. The hairdresser doesn't wish to speak with Celia, and goes to find the director of the commercial. Dean scolds Celia, inviting her to insult the person who does Isabelle's makeup as well. Celia then comments that the makeup is horribly done as well. She asks Dean "Who gives an 11 year old 'blow job lips'?" The Director approaches Celia and asks what seems to be her problem. Celia, feeling threatened, informs the director that the problem is his hair and makeup stylists are incompetent. She then goes on to ask "Why do all you gay men hate women soooo much?" The director replies "Because we have mothers like you." He then throws Celia off the set. Isabelle delights as the two exchange insults.
Attempting to drive Silas from his room, Nancy accumulates a series of musical instruments and pots with the intention of driving Silas out. Shane asks Nancy to please stop banging pots and singing "Polly Wolly Doodle". Nancy protests that she will not stop until Silas comes out, and that this is her own version of Panama. Shane asks "The canal?" Andy rushes in to explain that Nancy is not talking about the Panama Canal, but about the ousting of Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega. Andy explains that when Noriega hid in the Vatican embassy, American troops, unable to enter, blasted rock music at the building until he was driven out. Silas is Nancy's Noriega. Nancy agrees to stop, and orders Shane to go to school before he's late. Shane then asks Nancy's permission to stay after school a little while. Nancy asks why, Shane explains that he wants to join the debate team. Nancy approves. Nancy, upset that her invasion of Panama was unsuccessful, yells "Silas, what can I do to help you?" Andy and Silas both respond "buy a car."
Later, looking for a car at a used car dealership, Silas asks Nancy "How's business?" She doesn't want to talk about it. Silas mocks her, and becomes vocal about her selling drugs. He wishes to be more open about it. Silas asks if she sells anything other than marijuana. He suggests that she might sell cocaine, or meth. Nancy expresses that she feels marijuana doesn't destroy lives like coke or meth do. Then a salesman comes up, and asks what the special occasion is "...a birthday, graduation maybe?" Silas answers "My girlfriend just got an abortion." The salesman steers Silas to a BMW Z3 roadster. He preaches the benefits of a two seater to Nancy: "No back seat means no trouble!" Nancy simply denies the car to Silas. She explains that Silas is either buying a normal sedan or she's taking her drug money, and buying herself new diamond earrings and a gold tooth. Silas protests. He wants a sportscar.
At Shane's first debate meet, The teacher is discussing what goes on in a debate, and going into the history of debate at Shane's school. Shane isn't paying attention. He only is interested in Gretchen, who is picking her teeth with a pen cap. She looks at Shane, and rolls her eyes. Shane is in love.
Much to Doug's surprise, Isabelle walks into his office. She explains that she needs someone she can trust to handle her money from the Huskeroo's commercials. She trusts Doug because he doesn't speak to or get along with Celia. Doug suggests that they put the money into a trust fund, but Isabelle will need at least one parent to sign with her. Isabelle screams "Bull shit!" Doug explains that it is the law, and there's nothing he can do about it. Isabelle swiftly chooses Dean to sign rather than Celia. Doug double checks to ensure that Celia has no clue Isabelle went to him. Isabelle assures him. To that, he offers her "a delicious crunchy."
At Andy's rabbinical school, his class practices the hora. After the dance practice is over, Andy and Yael exit the room to the hallway outside. Yael flirtatiously continues to dance and sing to herself. Andy sings along until they both break down in laughter. Yael lets her hair down, and asks Andy if he is still mad at her. Andy denies being angry, and states that he is "fine with being a friend." Yael slowly draws up her skirt to the edge of her stocking. Andy is interested. Yael slowly pulls out a small flask from her left stocking. Yael drinks from the flask, and moans slightly. Andy appears tortured, and exclaims that he must fuck her. Yael explains that Andy doesn't exhibit the qualities she looks for in a man. she likes "big men." Andy tries to compensate his lacking physical attributes. Yael informs him that he does exhibit many of the physical characteristics she looks for in a female lover, such as soft skin, and sad eyes. Andy is uneasy, but resultantly agrees to sleep with Yael. Later, in Yael's bedroom, Andy flies onto the bed as Yael tears his pants off. She undresses until she is wearing nothing but her underwear and stockings. She squats down under the bed to retrieve a box with a strapon in it. The instrument is rather large and black in color. Andy asks Yael if she can take it. Yael responds that it is not for her, and Andy's face drops. Yael rubs lubricant on it as she assures Andy that it will fit into his anus. Before throwing Andy on his hands and knees, Yael reminds him not to forget his breathing.
Meanwhile at Heylia's, Joseph, Vaneeta and Heylia are eating a meal that adheres to the strict Muslim dietary laws. Heylia is trying to impress Joseph. Joseph is very grateful for the lamb chops Heylia has cooked. Vaneeta, feeling uncomfortable with the situation, notes that she prefers pork chops instead. pork is against the religious diet Joseph upholds. Joseph explains to Vaneeta that pigs are filthy animals, and that they carry parasites causing all kinds of illness. Vaneeta dismisses what Joseph has said, and exclaims that she enjoys eating delicious parasites. Joseph is angered by her statement, and attempts to belittle Vaneeta. Vaneeta begins to attack Joseph over his religion, and "holier than thou" attitude. Joseph counters over Vanetta's tattoos, and fatherless baby. The meal is ruined, and Heylia becomes very angry with Vaneeta. Vaneeta sets Heylia straight by forcing her to contemplate her finances.
At school, Shane walks down the hall to Gretchen's side. Gretchen is opening her locker. Gretchen inquires to why Shane is standing by her. Shane sees a couple of his friends whispering and pointing. Feeling embarrassed, He kicks Gretchen on the side of her left shin. The friends laugh as Gretchen exclaims "Ouch." Shane, left with nothing else to do, runs away.
Nancy opens the door of the grow house to find Conrad spraying freshly cut "clippings." Nancy offers Conrad a drink, and asks how it is going. Conrad explains that he has cut 20 new clippings, and that they will have to see how it goes. Conrad doesn't want the drink, or the shallow praise Nancy offers. He explains that he has been thinking about how lucky they were not to have been caught with the Armenians. Nancy agrees, and expresses how lucky she feels. Conrad counters by saying he doesn't believe in luck, and then accuses Nancy of continuing her relationship with Peter. Nancy tries to explain that she is only doing it for their protection. Conrad becomes very upset, and explains that a marriage certificate doesn't protect him. It will only protect Nancy.
Walking through her house, Celia notices Dean in the atrium of the house. He is detailing a new motorcycle. Celia demands to know what is going on. Dean explains that he is cleaning his new motorcycle. He is very proud of it. Celia demands to know how he could afford a new motorcycle. Dean informs her that his new job is very lucrative. She asks what job he has taken. Smiling, Dean responds "I am Isabelle's manager." Celia is elated, and informs Dean that he is a lawyer, so he will need to "go out and find lawyer work." Celia leaves the room throwing the finger.
Later that night, Silas returns to the house. Nancy is asleep in the kitchen where she was waiting for him. Silas enters to awaken Nancy. She asks where he was. He explains that he was driving around, and enjoyed it. She looks at the clock, and surprisingly states that the time is 4:30 AM. She scolds him, he apologizes, and then Nancy goes to bed. Before she leaves the room, Silas tells her that he "is cool with" what she does.
As Doug sits in his office watching a video clip over and over again, Celia bursts in. She displays a picture of Doug using a bong. She attempts to blackmail him into releasing Dean from Isabelle's trust fund, and replacing him with herself. She explains that Doug sent the picture to Dean as a joke,and then threatens to email it to anybody she can. She suggests that Doug could loose the election, and possibly even be arrested. Doug explains that Isabelle instructed him to setup the trust as it is, and that he can't double cross her orders. Celia is surprised, but attempts to act as though she is in control. Doug then informs Celia that Isabelle, as well as himself hate Celia. He then laughs her out of his office.
Peter walks into a restaurant to meet Nancy. The greeter instructs him to be seated in the waiting area. Peter sits down next to Conrad. As each of the men casually look at each other, neither imagines that they are waiting for the same lady. When Nancy walks in, both Conrad and Peter stand up. Nancy walks to the greeter, and states "table for three." At the table, Nancy explains that she had to lie to each of them in order to ensure they would arrive. She then has Peter and Conrad meet each other. Conrad attempts to cover for himself by insisting he knows nothing. Nancy explains that it is OK, and that she wants Conrad to work out his issues with Peter. She then gives Conrad the go ahead to ask peter what ever he wishes. Peter objects, but then Conrad asks why Peter is risking himself, and his career. Peter responds that he is doing it for Nancy. Peter then asks how Conrad nows Nancy. Conrad sarcastically states that her kid bit his kid at a karate tournament. Conrad then asks if the DEA is on to him. Peter says that he does not know, but that he imagines Conrad isn't big enough to be of any importance to them. Nancy clarifies that there is no trap, and that everyone needs to agree and understand each other. Then the next table breaks out in singing "Happy Birthday."
[edit] Trivia
- This episode marks the first time Conrad meets Peter.
- Yael wears red panties and a red bra in this episode. This episode marks the only time Yael is seen in her underwear.
- Vaneeta has a tattoo on her left arm that reads "Zulu".
- Dean buys himself a black Harley-Davidson Softail Deluxe.
- The restaurant Nancy, Conrad, and Peter meet at is called "Thursday's" as a play on the name "Friday's.
- Music played in this episode includes "Od Lo Ahavti Dai" by Yehoram Gaon, "Hadera" by Alain Leroux, and "Happy Clappy Birthday" by Gwendolyn during the closing credits.
[edit] Guest Stars
- Ron Canada as Joseph
- Meital Dohan as Yael
- Allie Grant as Isabelle Hodes
- Indigo (actress) as Vaneeta
- Maulik Pancholy as Sanjay
- Eden Sher as Gretchen
- Andy Milder as Dean Hodes
- Special guest star Martin Donovan as Peter
