Carol Beer

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Carol Beer (Born 1969, Crawley [According to the stage show programme guide]) is a character in the TV and radio series Little Britain, in which she worked firstly in a bank and later a travel agent. She is played by David Walliams.

Sketches revolve around the bored and unhelpful Carol and her attitude to customers. Whether in the bank or travel agency, Carol will listlessly input their requests for, e.g., a loan or holiday details, only to flatly reply, "Computer says no..." This is usually followed by a single cough, directed at the customer, with no attempt to cover her mouth. There are a few times when Carol says something slightly different; in one episode in series 2, she replies "Computer says will Melanie be there?", and after being told she will, replies with her normal saying. There is also an episode in series 3 when she says "Computer says no..." two times then says "The Computer would like to refer to the honourable gentleman the answer I just gave a moment ago". In season three, she quits her job at the bank and sells travel packages. Some of the more memorable incidents include:

An old couple buying cruise tickets, to which Carol offers a "cruise" from Dover to Calais and tickets aboard a Russian tanker transporting nuclear waste to the Baltic Sea,

To a woman who wants to go to Cephalonia because she saw it in Captain Corelli's Mandolin, instead Carol offers her various movie packages including a trip to where they filmed Midnight Express, a room in the Towering Inferno, and a cruise aboard the ship in The Poseidon Adventure,

And recommending traveller's insurance to a couple, explaining that the last purchaser lost a flip-flop in the Carribean and Carol's travel company flew a replacement flip-flop first class to him, he only had to pay for the flight and the flip-flop.

According to the stage show programme guide, Carol was an avid ballet dancer and was a prima ballerina for the Royal Ballet School in 1995.

She has varied her coughs in series three. One time, she blew a cough to a customer, in the style of blowing a kiss. Other times, people have coughed, and she told them it's disgusting. She then proceeded to cough. Another time, she coughed into an envelope and when a customer opened it, her cough was heard coming out of it.

The tables were finally turned upon Carol in the final episode of series three, in which the computer finally said "yes", followed by a single cough from the very lucky customer. Among viewers of Little Britain, her catchphrase, "Computer says no...", became widely repeated between colleagues in workplaces across the UK — particularly those where such equipment is used to answer enquiries.