User:Akchizar
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Name: Akchizar
Age: 19
Occupation: Student/Bum
Interests/Passtimes: Reading/Writing, Roleplaying, Chemistry, Sluggy Freelance, Prevaricating, Time Wasting (not Time Warner), Inserting Feet into Mouths, Seperating things with slashes, Destroying people's lives by showing them how bad their English is, Putting links in his userpage
The existance, sanity, and purpose of entities such as Akchizar have been disputed by many sages and philosophers since the beginning of time. Rather than follow the standard process of "Born-Live-Die" (or even the alternate "Born-Live-Wear Digital Watch-Die" theory), such beings seem to reside off the collection, storage, and distribution of useless knowledge. A detailed picture of Akchizar has never been found or recorded, every photograph of him mysteriously dissolving and the one painter who agreed to paint a portrait bursting into flames before putting brush to canvas. Eyewitness reports describe him as a man about this tall, with hair and eyes.
In fact, this air of mystery extends past Akchizar's physical description to encompass the entirity of his being. So far, despite detailed study, only a few facts have been collated about Akchizar:
- He is quite possibly human, although this is still in contention. Nevertheless, he possesses all the required arms, legs, heads and neuroses to make him, in the simplest sense, "human".
- His room contains far more junk than is physically possible - indeed, if it were to exist under the laws of normal physics, it would quite possibly collapse in on itself.
- Despite never having a regular income, he is able to subsist quite happily in this world, seemingly living off the sheer absurdity of his existence. In fact, it has been postulated that his entire existence is related to a new branch of quantum mechanics, which deals with small subatomic particles known as "imposions". As of yet, no reputable university has been willing to offer courses in this subject.
- The existence of any sort of significant other has been independantly verified by at least three major sources as one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse. (This has been independantly verified. Run for the hills.)
Akchizar himself is not idle while these people watch him. It has been said (quite possibly by Werner Heisenberg) that the very process of watching changes the object watched. Thus, despite holding down a position as a student in a nation whose entire assessment process is dedicated to preventing its students from thinking, Akchizar has developed a series of problems that he wishes to solve. He is currently entertaining serious thoughts about these subjects, which include (but are not limited to) the following:
- Why glue does not stick to the inside of the tube
- Why we transport cargo by ship, but transport shipments by car
- Why anyone would actually want to know the average airspeed of an unladen swallow
- Why it is possible for something to get bigger, but not littler
Akchizar is occasionally known to be accompanied by a large, 6'8" orc named Thorog. Thorog tends to be bad at spelling and getting on with people, but good at hitting things over the head and, strangely enough, cooking. One can only assume that several years of living off the land have hardened him to do his own cooking, and as such have caused one of the best barbecuers of venison known to mankind (the skill of cookery, not the venison) to have an IQ lower than his kill-count.
It should also be noted that Akchizar is rather pleased to find himself on the Sandbox Archive.
Akchizar is available for anyone who wishes to have their work edited or read over for grammar/spelling, etc. Please post a message in his talk section if you wish his help.
