Achewood

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Achewood
image:Achewood.gif
Author(s) Chris Onstad
Website http://www.achewood.com
Update schedule 3–4 times a week
Launch date October 1, 2001 [1]
Genre Comedy

Achewood is an online comic strip created by Chris Onstad. It portrays the lives of a group of anthropomorphic stuffed toys, robots, and pets. Many of the characters live together in the home of their owner, Chris, at 62 Achewood Court, a fictional address. The events of the strip mostly take place in and around the house, as well as around the town of Achewood, the fictional suburb which gives its name to the comic and is likely a thinly-veiled Palo Alto, California. Notably, the comic's humor is surreal and generally lacks a punch line. It is celebrated by readers for its unpredictable humor, strong characterization and distinctively voiced dialogue.

Contents

[edit] History and overview

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The first Achewood strip ("Philippe is standing on it") was released on October 1, 2001. The strip sets the tone for the rest of the comic, with its nonsensical humor and surprising visual punchline. In this particular strip, Mr. Bear and Téodor are discussing Téodor's confusion over a drum machine. Mr. Bear informs Téodor that there is an instruction manual. However, Philippe is standing on it.

Throughout the rest of the comic, there is no distinguishable underlying storyline — aside, perhaps, for the general passing of time and development of the comic's characters and their interrelationships. Onstad's preferred method of story-telling is to develop his characters through one-off strips and short story arcs. Strips are humorous, relying upon inane and chaotic humor as well as social stereotypes, occasional burlesque literary and historical references, and strong characterization of the comic's many quirky individuals. As the humor often depends on an in-depth knowledge of the characters and their interactions, new readers may appreciate the series more if they start their reading earlier on in the series and progress chronologically from there.

Chris Onstad has self-published twelve books: six collections of Achewood comics, two books by Nice Pete ("A Wonderful Tale" and "A Hilarious Comedy"), three 'zines by Roast Beef, and an Achewood cookbook with recipes from several of the main characters.

In the fall of 2002 Achewood 's "Sunday Edition" became part of the online alternative comics anthology Serializer. In their review of serializer.net, The Comics Journal wrote: "It's a pleasure to see strips like Achewood's "Sunday" strip ... use the newspaper format for far more daring, entertainingly perverse work ... would be perfectly at home at a good alternative weekly or a great college paper."

On April 30, 2003, Onstad introduced a new feature to the Achewood universe — an advice column written by the character Ray called Ray's Place. This column has served to further develop the Achewood canon by allowing prose related to the characters to be written. The column has developed characters, mainly as perceived by Ray. It also allows for an interaction between reader and character, a novelty in comic art.

July 2004 saw the introduction of several in-character blogs. The main characters all began writing (using Blogger) to speak to their audience. This unique perspective further advances character development allowing the daily, often mundane, events of the character to find their way to the audience. Onstad stated in an interview that he found the blogs easier to maintain than the strip, as they do not require as much refining. This method of breaking the fourth wall has been extended further with the opening of a forum [2] supposedly maintained by one of the characters, Emeril.

In late 2004, it was announced that Checker Book Publishing Group had signed Chris Onstad to a three-book deal that was to begin in November 2004. However, the deal was canceled soon after due to creative differences.

[edit] Etymology

According to the official website, "achewood" was used by slaves during the United States of America antebellum in the production of "achewater", a now outlawed Southern drink with psychedelic properties, similar to the use of wormwood in the production of absinthe. This liquor would induce melancholia in the drinker, hence the name. This etymology is fictitious.

[edit] The Underground

The Achewood Underground is an underground version of the human city above, inhabited and run by animals both stuffed and real, as well as several robots (although their presence in The underground could be debatable). The underground has its own businesses and establishments that parallel those above ground, and its inhabitants often steal or borrow things from their human counterparts aboveground. Aside from Achewood, it is assumed that most cities around the world have their own undergrounds as well. [3]

[edit] Characters

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

[edit] Raymond Quentin Smuckles

Ray's Blog

Ray Smuckles is a cat (more specifically, an American Curl, a breed that, appropriately enough, originated from Lakewood, California) with expertise in such diverse fields as cookery, alcohol, underground street dancing, entrepreneurship, and women. Ray made his first appearance on January 10, 2002. Along with his best friend Roast Beef, Ray is the central character of the strip; their relationship lies at the heart of Achewood. Ray can be identified by his designer glasses, a thong, the occasional cape, and a gold medallion which once belonged to the fictitious Incan Fun God, "King Chochacho."

Ray tends to be lucky, acquiring money in a variety of ways, including a record contract with Sony (after selling his soul to the devil for piano skills), an auspicious eBay purchase of vintage erotica valued at 600 million dollars, and various business ventures. Through eBay Platinum Reserve, he now owns Airwolf, Keith Moon's head, and the world's biggest laser. He enjoys throwing lavish parties with unusual themes. Ray drives a Cadillac Escalade. He also has a very serious obsession with Ketel One and zinfandel alcohols.

On the other hand, he has a weakness for gambling, and often loses up to thousands of dollars while playing golf and pool with his friends. Ray has a penchant for prank calls, whether outgoing (Marmaduke, Cathy) or incoming (telemarketers). He also has a sexual fetish for women sitting on birthday cakes. Ray drinks alcohol throughout the day; numerous strips imply that he is an alcoholic, and his physician, Dr. Andretti, has repeatedly warned him that he is in severe danger of becoming diabetic. He recently learned his father, Ramses Luther Smuckles, won the 1973 Great Outdoor Fight, which inspired Ray to enter. Ray defeated all other entrants in the GOF except for Roast Beef (see below), and demolished the Fight grounds when he discovered that Fight regulations required that he beat Beef to unconsciousness in order to win.

Ray also writes the advice column "Ray's Place" on the Achewood site, though there is a disclaimer at the bottom warning that the advice is in fact from a cartoon cat.

Ray was originally introduced as a minor supporting character, part of a trio of cats (along with Roast Beef and Pat) who were always seen together, and fancied themselves "the dirtiest dudes in town" due to their reputed penchant for foul language. As time passed, Onstad began to give the three cats individual personalities, and before long the focus of Achewood began to move away from the four stuffed animals living in the Onstad residence and onto Ray and Beef. The increasingly abrasive Pat remained in a supporting role, eventually turning the trio into a duo.

Recently, Ray thought he saw a "Magreaux dog." Magreaux dogs are dogs which attempt to look and act like the human-like cats of the Achewood Universe and are powerful bad omens for those who see them. It was revealed though this dog was actually a fake hired by rival Bensington Butters.

[edit] C. "Roast Beef" Kazenzakis

Roast Beef's Blog

Roast Beef (first name, Cassandra — Roast Beef was born intersexed), a cat, is interested in computer programming and has a girlfriend Molly formerly in heaven, where he visited her twice: once after being shot by Pat and once after driving a golf cart off a cliff while high on marijuana [4]. Molly now lives on Earth, and has now reached an on-again, off-again relationship with Beef (as those who know him call him).

It seems that Roast Beef has had a desperately unhappy and impoverished childhood. [5] [6] [7] He has seemingly incurable depression and/or Avoidant personality disorder, and considers suicide often, though no one seems to care. Recently however, his depression seems to have improved, particularly since meeting Molly. For a long time he lived in a trailer with his abusive grandmother, Gramma K. Recently, he has moved out of the trailer and into Ray's pool shed. His speech balloons use a slightly smaller font than that of other characters and rarely include punctuation, to emphasize his timidity and unique manner of speech. Roast Beef sometimes sports an impressive vocabulary and will, on occasion, sprinkle words such as insatiable or phenomena into his normally slang filled dialogue.

He has been shot at least four times. One shooting lodged a bullet in his spine, which grants him permanent wireless Internet access (though this has never been mentioned since, and he still uses physical computers to access the net; one possible reason for this is that, according to the mouseover in the strip where this happened, his bodily internet connection is only 9600 baud, which would be considered extremely slow by anyone, especially the internet-savvy Roast Beef). Another shooting resulted in his cardio-pulmonary system being replaced by that of an AIBO. He has also been shot at least one additional time by Ray and once fatally by Lie Bot (who was masquerading as Ray's uncle Culpepper).

Roast Beef's birthday is April 22nd. Some of his accomplishments include a program that determines how many eggs and how much milk you need to buy in a given week, and another that determines the amount of loose change lying around your house and makes a reservation at a restaurant accordingly. He is perhaps the world's greatest historian of the Great Outdoor Fight, and drove Ray to compete (and win) in the 2006 Fight. He also managed to get into the fight himself by hacking the fight's database. He drives a 1965 Ford Galaxie (powered by Ford's rare 427 SOHC V8) that was a gift from Ray. He has also gone to the moon, by stealing Pat's home-made rocket, and to the afterlife, via various methods including vomiting into an electrical outlet. He has also produced his very own zine, titled Man Why You Even Got To Do A Thing.

Roast Beef has written a number of poems, both in the strip and on his blog. A recurrent theme involves concealed weapons disguised as foodstuffs, and these conclude with a (presumably screamed) 'OHHH SHIIIT!' Poems not involving with weapons in food do not conclude with the above explanation, indicating that Roast Beef has distinct fear of the hidden weapons.

According to Onstad, Roast Beef is one of several important foils to the increasingly central character of Ray. Ray's consistent optimism, sexual bravado, unwavering confidence, privileged upbringing, simple attitudes, and good luck makes him seem on the surface a complete antithesis of character to Roast Beef. Regardless, the two have been close friends since childhood, and it may be observed that as the strip progresses, each occasionally adopts the attitudes and perspectives of the other. The two do, of course, have a few points of dissent: Roast Beef is somewhat more sympathetic to Little Nephew than his Uncle Ray, and has taken issue with Ray's alcoholism.

[edit] Philippe

Philippe's Blog

Philippe is a naïve young otter who resides in the house with Cornelius Bear, Lyle and Téodor, as well as Chris and Chris's family. His housemates collectively raise him with varied success. He is separated from his mother, who lives in an undisclosed location, but they talk on the phone frequently and have a close relationship. As is the case with Roast Beef, Philippe's father is deceased. From time to time Philippe's mother sends him unusual presents.

Though he is five, Philippe has had an exciting life. He has made friends with a french fry, been married to a flower, had a frightening encounter with a serial killer (Nice Pete), been possessed by the soul of Billy Idol, run for president, and accidentally killed a robot. Phillipe recently became a 'father' to a bird named Franky. Philippe's birthday is on August 22nd.

Philippe enjoys hugs and is very gullible. Inspired by poster images of the Soviet era, Philippe recently decided to join the Communist party, but then lost interest when the poster was replaced with one of the band The Arcade Fire, which he took literally.

Phillippe has the strange talent of easily coming up with polyglot palindromes, phrases that are English in one direction and another language when reversed.

[edit] Cornelius Bear

Cornelius's Blog

Most often referred to as Mr. Bear, he is a scholarly and fatherly figure to much of the cast, being much older than most of them - he was married to his first wife, Iris Gambol, sometime before 1967. [8] He is not afraid to enjoy a good drink, and tends to be more erudite and romantic than the rest of the cast. It has also been implied that he has been imprisoned, and has had German, French and Austrian cellmates, although it is possible this was all a fabrication to win the Badass Games[9]. Mr. Bear is also the author of several children's books including "So Many Whales", "The Mayor of Banana Town," and — during a somewhat later and darker period — "Janet: The Girlfriend Who Could Only Ever Complain" and "Chug-A-Lug: The Train Who Drinks". He wears pince nez and is most often attired in an elegant dressing gown.[10] Although originally from Cambridge [11] he now lives at 62 Achewood Ct. Recently, he was shot by Pat, but survived. During his recovery, he spent his time writing eloquent closed captions for the Spice Network. Mr. Bear has been seen driving an Austin Mini with the driver's seat on the right-hand side, indicating it was originally sold in Britain.

Mr. Bear seems to command respect from nearly every member of the cast — with the noteworthy exception of the brash and petulant Lyle. This can be seen in almost every strip in which they both appear. [12][13] [14] [15]

Despite a reputation for class, Mr. Bear seems to have low standards when it comes to employment. At various times, he has been a writer of genre romance novels[16], a closed captioner for the Spice Channel [17] and a paid lecturer for Mensa International[18]. More recently Cornelius has become the proprietor of an English pub, a joint venture between himself and Ray. The naming of said pub has been the subject of much deliberation between the two characters although at the time of writing it was designated "The Dude and Catastrophe" [19].

[edit] Lyle Gabriel

Lyle's Blog

A belligerent stuffed tiger who enjoys playing pranks on his friends and takes his alcohol early and often. He is a talented calligrapher and cosmetician [20] [21], and apparently knows something about cars. Lyle has a mysterious, possibly criminal, possibly tragic past. For a time he also was employed helping recent Male to Female transsexuals "become sexually active and confident in their new bodies" [22]. He has also become involved in pornography. He recently returned from Scotland where he meant to learn how to make scotch, but instead became trapped at a finishing school. He lives at 62 Achewood Court. He's also often seen wearing a Misfits T-shirt.

[edit] Téodor Orezscu

Téodor's Blog

Téodor is a teddy bear, as evidenced by his portrait. He and his family originate from Minsk, Belarus (his father was an actuary). Though he is Belarusian, the name Orezscu seems to be Romanian in origin. He is a skilled cook, musician and graphic designer, and is also an all around friendly guy. He was originally quite crazy and uninhibited, exhibiting nudist tendencies in early Achewood strips, though he seems to have calmed down a bit over the years. These days he's probably the most "normal" out of the entire Achewood cast, though he is definitely not without quirks of his own (such as his passion for risotto). Mostly he hangs around the house watching porn with Lyle. He had an online relationship with a girl named Penny, but we never really see where that ended up. He is a close friend of Philippe and keeps him out of trouble. He seems to be a recreational user of marijuana and mushrooms. Téodor's birthday is in early October. Lie Bot predicted his death to be on April 28, 2005. As it happens, Téodor did die on April 28 [23], after he choked on a Grolsch bottle cap whilst watching BREAST ATTACK ON FUCK MOUNTAIN. However, Lyle performed a "Longshoreman's Heimlich" (swift kick to the gut), which dislodged the cap and revived him.

[edit] Pat Reynolds

Pat's Blog

Pat is one of the three original cat characters, along with Roast Beef and Ray. Over the years his role has receded into the background, but his is still a formidable presence. He is generally unpleasant — he typically plays the antagonist — and seems to hate anyone that does not live up to his impossibly high standards of behavior. He seems to suffer from Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and has some anger management problems, for which he attends a support group.

Pat's interests in Veganism, Zen Buddhism and his unusual stances on various social issues seem to be driven less by an appreciation of the philosophies, but more by a desire to feel superior to his friends, and indeed the rest of the world. He will often boycott companies at the slightest perceived provocation; for example, he claims to have stopped buying Kleenex brand tissues after he accidentally pulled three tissues out of a box instead of one, and stopped shopping at Whole Foods because of disgust with a female employee's visible armpit hair. His elitist, negative attitude extends to a particular focus on barbers and hairstylists, as well as toll booth operators, Mexican motorists [24], and employees with disabilities [25].

Pat constructed the rocket that Roast Beef stole and rode to the Moon. He is on the run after escaping from jail (he was convicted for shooting Roast Beef, and later shot Mr Bear too, probably by accident [26]), but it doesn't seem to have affected his lifestyle due to Ray's connections getting him off the hook. He lives quite comfortably on the lam with "Nice Pete," a serial killer he met in jail. Interestingly, given recent speculation about Pat's sexuality, Nice Pete also attends his support group, implying that the two are quite close. He drives a Ford Mustang II, and his favorite movie is Memento. After being electrocuted due to a prank by Lyle and Philippe, he temporarily became much nicer [27].

Pat disowned his entertainer father, Simon Reynolds, when the latter declared he was a homosexual [28]. Simon has made efforts to reconcile with his son, which Pat has disgustedly repulsed [29]. The entire topic of his father is off limits to Pat, suggesting repression issues. The comic has hinted at this complexity of his character for some time (e.g. [30]). Recently, his latent homosexuality was forced out into the open with the discovery of a magical Mexican camera [31] that depicts a person as how they feel about themselves, rather than an actual photo of the person. Both Pat and his father are homosexual due to the curse of Gladdington castle [32], wherein an ancestor of theirs was cursed such that all of his sons and their sons thereafter would become homosexual at the age of 26.

[edit] Molly Sanders

Molly's Blog

A cat, and Roast Beef's on-and-off girlfriend. Roast Beef first met her in Heaven after being shot by Pat. Molly now resides on Earth, living in the pool shed with Roast Beef. Roast Beef's lack of social skills often means their relationship is strained, but Molly's extraordinary patience and tolerance (and Beef's willingness to go along with her sexual adventurousness) often win out. Molly may have been a programmer in a previous life but currently works in the restaurant and bar industry; she has implied in her blog that she is unable to get better work because she does not have a social security card [33]. This is perhaps due to the fact that she is legally dead. She has held jobs at various bars and restaurants, including Applebee's, Taco Bell (from which she was fired), and The Smoke (a local bar in the underground). For a time, Molly worked at an "upscale tex-mex place" called Butte, until a fire forced its closure. Molly was involved in sandwich porn for Vlad when she worked at his Subway restaurant. Molly has now secured a job at Starbucks which she claims makes her "the hub of Achewood's social universe." She has been running the "Achewood A-List" off and on since December 2005 (officially named on December 19, 2005 [34]).

[edit] Minor characters

AKKOLADE
A cat, who with Bensington Butters and Ray is a member of the syndicate.
Dr. Andretti
A cat and one of the Achewood underground's foremost physicians. He was responsible for bringing Roast Beef back from the dead on more than one occasion. Dr. Andretti has an unfortunate habit of entering occupied bathrooms without knocking.
Andy
Another robot, basically just a box with legs. Apparently he doesn't like to hang out at Vlad's place too often and owns a red Fender Stratocaster which Vlad finds corny.
Arthur
A cat who is part of Pat's anger management class; wears star-shaped glasses. Seems overly enthusiastic about most things and is now verifiably gay.
Barry Bass
A fish who complains a lot.
Bensington Butters
A cat, who with AKKOLADE and Ray is a member of the syndicate. Bensington Butters was responsible for the Magreaux Dog prank that had Ray fearing for his life. He drives a red Bentley with the tag "CAVIAR" and prefers Hanna-Barbera to Disney. He has also recently been discovered to have less-then-refined manners.
Blister
The ghost of Todd the Squirrel's old friend Blister, back from the afterlife for reasons he does not remember. Blister speaks many languages, but not Chinese.[35]
Cartilage Head
A nightclub performer whose antiquarian vaudeville act showcases his apparent lack of bones, possibly based on Valentin le Désossé, "the boneless man," who was a performer at the Moulin Rouge. After a performance, Cartilage Head tricked Ray into abandoning him as he lay dying. In the end, however, it was only to photograph him with the caption "I proved myself a coward who would desert a dying man."
Chris Onstad (Blog)
Creator of the Achewood strips. Though not a comic strip character in the strictest sense, he has appeared in at least three comic strips (from the neck down) and seems to be able to communicate with the stuffed animals and cats that make up the Achewood cast. (Sometimes by telephone, when serving as Roast Beef's publisher.) During the '05 holiday season, he cajoled a naked and sleepless Teodor into helping him pack Achewood merchandise for shipping. Chris's birthday is June 14th.
Charley "Little Nephew" Smuckles (Blog)
Ray's nephew, often at odds with Ray. Little Nephew is very impressionable. At one time a hip hop musician [36] (creating the album Fuck... Algebra! [37]), he has proven to be even more impressionable than his tender years would suggest. At one point, he began imitating his uncle Marion, and later became a goth [38]. It is assumed that he is no longer part of the goth clique as his recent blog entries have returned to pre-gothic levels of crassness. Little Nephew has most recently been seen selling "joints" in competition with Lyle and Ray. He has expressed interest in pursuing a relationship with Molly, without success. Until recently, he worked at Starbucks with her.
Chucklebot
A robot who specializes in making people chuckle. He is gay and he has known this since he was 12. He is always happy and thinks Billy Idol is "such a dish." His chuckles have been getting a bit rough lately.
Emeril LeGoinegasque and Robert L. "Spongebath" Dane (Emeril's Blog)
Two cats that Ray and Beef seem to be familiar with. Emeril is basically a cat that looks like Emeril Lagasse. In the alt-text of a 2004 strip, it was suggested that Emeril is a Melungeon. His speech appears to follow the syntax of a bastardized Middle English. Spongebath is a rather large cat that doesn't seem to do or say much and gets around by means of what appears to be a scooter. They are fans of The Tenmen, a musical group made up of cats with Rickenbacker musical equipment (even the drum). On recycling day, they like to go trashspotting with Roast Beef.
Leo Fontanette
A cat of Italian origin ("Fontanettini") who owned the Caddy dealership over in Pintado, and went to the same gym as Ray. When Leo and Beef met during Beef's first visit to the gym, Beef broke the code of the establishment and committed a major faux pas by complimenting Leo on his "rockin'" thighs. Shortly thereafter, Leo drove his car into a cornfield in a fit of rage (while cursing Ray and Beef), and died there from a heart attack.
Lie Bot
A robot that tells lies much of the time. He intersperses snippets of truth as well, so it can be hard to tell when he is actually lying — in fact, despite his name and knowledge of previous lies, the non-robot characters invariably believe him. His attitude moves from playfully cynical to displaying actual evil intent (While masquerading as Ray's Uncle Culpepper, he steals Ray's girlfriend and shoots Roast Beef). Phillipe is often the main victim of his lies. A running joke of the series features Phillipe asking Lie Bot what the saddest thing in the world is, only to be horrified by his answers.
Michael "Showbiz" Kazenzakis
Roast Beef's deadbeat twin brother, he is identical to Roast Beef but with hair pulled back into a ponytail. He and Ray seem to have also been friends during childhood, spending much of their time making up cocktails. He is perpetually in deep debt to the Rockford Fosgate Company, a car-audio manufacturer, despite his lack of a car. Showbiz tends to be unwilling or unable to hold down a steady job, generally working as a dishwasher or similar unskilled position although he occasionally panhandles.
Milklin Honniker
A cat who has had an unfortunate time attempting to sell things door to door (car seat covers, bird roasters, Jehovah's Witnesses membership, and books for children in "nontraditional family situations"). Most recently he was trying to convince Roast Beef to become a Jehovah's Witness. Ray decided to give him business advice, which Milklin gladly followed. He took out an ad in "Reminiscence" Magazine[39].
Peter H. "Nice Pete" Cropes (Blog)
A cat, Nice Pete is a convicted felon, a sex offender and a serial murderer. His motherless upbringing in rural West Virginia was highly dysfunctional and Onstad's strips about Nice Pete are done in the style of Faulkner. He was once cellmates with Pat. In person he tends to be quite pleasant. He has written several pieces of Bible fan fiction, and is currently working on a novel consisting of several short chapters which can be read in his blog, and is now for sale. He is available for services involving self-mutilation, for a price. Apparently lives with Pat.
Penny
A woman with whom Téodor had an online relationship. The two have never actually met, though Penny did give Téodor what appears to be a sweater with the letter 'T' on it. He wears the sweater in almost every strip in which he appears.
Philippe's Mother
A river otter, probably stuffed, who is Philippe's mother. She has a habit of sending Philippe various things mostly having to do with how Philippe is a "Special Boy." Is a widow and seeing someone new, much to Philippe's dismay, and was also hit on by Vlad at one point. A guest strip by Drew Weing depicting the "filming" of Achewood revealed her to be an abusive "Mommy Dearest" type stage mother; it was given high praise by Onstad but was never firmly established to be canon.
Ramses Luther Smuckles
Ray's father. Champion of the 1973 Great Outdoor Fight under the pseudonym Rodney Leonard Stubbs. Called "The Man With The Blood On His Hands", and "the Thomas Edison of handing a dude his ass" because of his unparalleled original fighting style, which included at one time throwing a beer through someone's entire head.
Simon Reynolds
Pat's father, a friendly bohemian children's entertainer. Years ago, Pat performed with him in an act known as "Dreamwheel and the Child", but once Simon came out as a homosexual Pat rejected him, forcibly moving him to Portland, Oregon. Simon traces his sexual orientation back to the story of the Gladdington Castle curse of 1328, where the King of England, with his dying breath, condemned the entire male lineage of the Reynolds family to become homosexual upon turning 26. He reappeared in Achewood to help his son adjust to the effects of the curse, with relative success, but Pat seems no more accepting of his father than before, instantly criticising him for being a poor representative of the homosexual community. Simon's lover is a man named Marcel.
Sondra Smuckles
Raymond's mother. Her speech is often peppered with gentle admonitions of her son, advice on manners, and bizarre folk wisdom.
Syndicate, the
A group of animal entrepreneurs, including Ray Smuckles, Bensington Butters, and AKKOLADE, although there are possibly more. Each member of the group tries to outdo the others by performing more and more outrageous publicity stunts, although there is a fair share of underhanded tricks and pranks as well, in order to shake up opposition.
The Tenmen
A local three-piece band. Made up of black cats, The Tenmen have played local bars, Ray's parties, and the Great Outdoor Fight. Roast Beef is a huge fan, although Ray, apparently, is not.
Tina
A cat with whom Ray has an on-again, off-again relationship. For a time, Tina lived with Molly, who considered her to be "the very definition of lowest common denominator." Tina's birthday is March 2nd, though she'd have another one at September 26th as far as Ray's concerned.
Trouble Man and No-No
Two ghastly characters who are the last ones left in Heaven when Roast Beef arrives[40], everyone else having been consumed by an apartment fire and sent back to earth. They are commissioned by Roast Beef to perform the "murder act" on him in order to return to Earth.
Todd T. Squirrel
Todd, who died in November 2006, was an illiterate, drug-dealing, often violent squirrel. His illiteracy most likely led him to be one of the few recurring characters to not have a blog. He was also a heavy drug user (and dealer), and has a characteristic stuttering problem. He drove a miniature squirrel-sized van[41], and was friends with Philippe. He put on some weight during a stint in prison[42] but then lost the weight from having sex [43]. Todd purportedly came into being when a stork dropped a burrito into a volcano[44]. 100 minutes later, Todd emerged, not knowing who he was. The stork, thinking that Todd had eaten the burrito, called Todd an "asshole" and a "jerkwad". Todd took this as an explanation of who he was, and consequently became a jerkwad. He then strangled the stork, whose lifeless body morphed into Todd's van. Todd died after forgetting to store food for the winter because he was busy watching America's Funniest Home Videos [45]. Todd T Squirrel is mentioned as having died before by being run over by a car in the story arc Ray Goes To Hell [46].
Ultra Peanut
A young female river otter who comes from China. Her English is improving,. She seems to be fond of Philippe, (who Teodor introduced her at a party he hosted) but also somewhat patronizing and amused by his naivete. and has a small digital pet called Click Robot that dies if it goes to the bathroom too much.
Uncle (Marion Adonis) Culpepper
Raymond's effete Southern gentleman uncle, likely modeled after a Mark Twain character type. He visits Ray after losing his fortune in a dot-com venture, one in which buyers would pay a fee to have their image photomanipulated to make them appear pregnant. He was ostensibly shot by Ray after an altercation over an affair between Culpepper and Tina.[47] [48] Following the incident, it was discovered that it was rather Lie Bot who had been shot, while impersonating Uncle Culpepper, making much of what we know about him suspect.
Vlad
A robot and womanizer. He has a strong Eastern European accent, and is apparently from Poland. Though his current occupation is unknown, he was once proprietor of one of at least three Subway sandwich shops in the Achewood underground. He once made a pass at Philippe's mother over the phone. He maintains a friendship with the other robot characters of the strip, and has been known to give advice on women.
Waterbury
Ray's former butler, hired by Ray based on a suggestion by Bono's butler. Born in London and formerly employed by James Brown, he also works for a clandestine British government agency. Discovered Ray's somnambulistic and somnonanistic tendencies.
Zell and Cory
Two blind, horribly burned indigents of indeterminable species; one is confined to a wheelchair due to lack of legs while the other seems to be incapable of speaking. They suffered their injuries when the Lakeshore flophouse burned down in 2002. They have mentioned that they collect things, though exactly what it is they collect remains to be seen. It has been suggested that whatever they collect should probably not be placed in one's mouth. They are described as bearing fourth-degree burns from the fire and thus only leave their abandoned railway tunnel home on moonless nights to do their "collecting".

[edit] Bibliography

  • Volume I — A Momentary Diversion on the Road to the Grave
  • Volume II — Worst Song, Played on Ugliest Guitar
  • Volume III — The Devil's Dictionary
  • Volume IV — Ten a.m. and Drunk as a Lord
  • Volume V — An Empty Cup of Rum
  • Volume VI — The Dude Is From Circumstances
  • Volume VII - Kiss My Ass, Bitch. I'll Be At Duane's
  • The Achewood Cookbook
  • Nice Pete's A Wonderful Tale
  • Nice Pete's A Hilarious Comedy'
  • Roast Beef's Man Why You Even Got To Do A Thing

[edit] Miscellaneous

  • Chris Onstad participated in Song Fight! by creating cover art and title for "What We Need More of is Science" and "Red Skates." The first title originated as a Roast Beef expression (but only on merchandise). One Song Fight entry was performed by Milwaukee Youth Center Choir, who also wrote and recorded a theme for Ray's Place, Ray's advice column.
  • A high quality reproduction of the entire Cartilage Head storyline appears in the first issue of Beeswax Magazine. The second issue of Beeswax features thirty pages of "The Best of Ray's Party Blogs."
  • A song by the synth-pop band Freezepop titled "Here Comes a Special Boy" about the character of Philippe can be downloaded from Freezepop's website.[49]
  • Teodor is a fan of Canadian indie rock band, the Arcade Fire

[edit] External links

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