'Allo 'Allo! (series 5)

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This article contains episode listings for the fifth series of the British Sitcom series 'Allo 'Allo!.

The series contains twenty-six episodes which first aired between September 3, 1988 and February 25, 1989.

Series 5 is longer than any of the other series, and contains almost a third of the total number of episodes. The series was made with a view to airing the show in the US So episodes were shortened to 25 minutes to allow for commercial breaks; and twenty-six episodes were commissioned to tie in with the American tradition of having "seasons", rather than the typical British "series" of six to eight episodes. Due to these changes, two episodes were written by different writers; the director's role was shared between four people; and not all of the secondary characters appear in each of the series' episodes. Series 5 also sees the first appeareances of the Communist Resistance girls Denise Laroque and Louise; and the last appearance of Jack Haig as Monsieur Roger LeClerc.

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.
Series No. Episode No. Episode Title Original UK Airdate
5.01 28 Desperate Doings in the Dungeon September 3, 1988
5.02 29 The Camera in the Potato September 10, 1988
5.03 30 Dinner with the General September 17, 1988
5.04 31 The Dreaded Circular Saw September 24, 1988
5.05 32 Otherwise Engaged October 1, 1988
5.06 33 A Marriage of Inconvenience October 8, 1988
5.07 34 No Hiding Place October 15, 1988
5.08 35 The Arrival of the Homing Duck October 22, 1988
5.09 36 Watch the Birdie October 29, 1988
5.10 37 René - Under an Assumed Nose November 5, 1988
5.11 38 The Confusion of the Generals November 12, 1988
5.12 39 Who's for the Vatican November 19, 1988
5.13 40 Ribbing the Bonk November 26, 1988
5.14 41 The Reluctant Millionaires December 3, 1988
5.15 42 A Duck for Launch December 10, 1988
5.16 43 The Exploding Bedpan December 17, 1988
5.17 44 Going Like a Bomb December 24, 1988
5.18 45 Money to Burn December 31, 1988
5.19 46 Puddings Can Go Off January 7, 1989
5.20 47 Landmines for London January 14, 1989
5.21 48 Flight to Geneva January 21, 1989
5.22 49 Train of Events January 28, 1989
5.23 50 An Enigma Variation February 4, 1989
5.24 51 Wedding Bloss February 11, 1989
5.25 52 Down the Drain February 18, 1989
5.26 53 All in Disgeese February 25, 1989

[edit] Desperate Doings in the Dungeon

Gruber is fed up of Bertorelli's snoring, and asks René to let the Italian captain stay at the café. Bertorelli plans to woo Madam Edith, so he can get his hands on the café.

Michelle reveals plans to photograph the château safe, so Leclerc can identify how to open the safe. The Resistance can then crack the safe and photograph it's contents - the plans for the invasion of England. As there is no film for the camera, it is suggested that Yvette pose for the Colonel, whilst Mimi steals the film from his camera.

Herr Flick is still disguised as Frau Kinkenrotten, and imprisoned in the château dungeon. General Von Klinkerhoffen orders the Colonel and Gruber to disguise themselves as Resistance people, kidnap Herr Flick, and take him to a pre-arranged location. Herr Flick will then be shot accidentally in a military ambush.

Helga forces René to disguise himself as Himmler (Herr Flick's uncle and leader of the Gestapo), and they go to the château with Von Smallhausen. Herr Flick forces René to switch places with him, so Herr Flick can leave with Von Smallhausen and Helga, whilst disguised as Himmler. Meanwhile, the Colonel and Gruber disguise themselves as Gestapo officers. They attempt to rescue Herr Flick so they can tell the General that Herr Flick has been rescued by the Gestapo; and thus avoid having to take part in the General's crazy ambush plan. Though when they arrive in the dungeon, they find René dressed as Frau Kinkenrotten, and Herr Flick has taken the keys to the chains!

[edit] The Camera in the Potato

René is rescued from the château dungeon by Lt. Gruber, and returns to the café where Michelle has delivered a spy camera, which is disguised as a large potato. Later, Crabtree bings round a cake which contains the new battery for the radio; though he ends up electrocuting himself and René, whilst trying to explain where the positive and negative terminals are.

Herr Flick rewards Helga with a certificate for helping him to escape, and tells Helga to inform him of every single conversation between the Colonel and Gruber. Helga later stands Herr Flick up, as she has been ordered to dine with General Von Klinkerhoffen in the café. Herr Flick arrests Helga for "interrogation". When the General arrives, this news makes him very cross, and he goes upstairs, barges in on the Colonel taking pictures of Yvette, and orders the Colonel to go away, but to "leave the helmet and the goggles"!

René, Mimi and Yvette deliver food parcels to the château, where René will photograph the safe with the potato spy camera and the film which Mimi has stolen from the Colonel's camera. However, René ends up in Gruber's bedroom, whilst Gruber is taking a bath. Gruber orders René to roast the potato in front of the fire, but an RAF bombing takes place, forcing Gruber to hide in the wardrobe. René discovers the safe behind the wardrobe, and captures a picture of it with the spy camera, before escaping.

[edit] Dinner with the General

René manages to make it back to the café, despite the RAF bombing the town. Edith then delivers to Monsieur Alfonse, the film from the spy camera for him to develop. Alfonse informs Edith that he caught René in the arms of a café serving girl. Edith confronts René, who denies the charge with a simple "No!" - Edith believes him.

Herr Flick fails in his attempts to interrogate Helga using hypnosis. Instead, he orders Helga to dine with the General. Helga informs the Colonel of Herr Flick's suspicion of the plot to blow up Hitler. He orders her to report to him, everything Herr Flick says. Later, the General orders the Colonel to bring Helga to dinner with him, but to excuse himself after the soup course. Helga informs Herr Flick of this matter. Flick and Von Smallhausen then disguise themselves as gypsy musicians to infiltrate the dinner.

René shows Leclerc the safe photo, who informs René that he can only blow it open. Michelle reveals that Madame Edith should drop a smoke canister down the chimney of Gruber's bedroom, to make him vacate the room where the safe is hidden. René and Leclerc will then enter the château disguised as fireman. Edith drops the smoke canister down the wrong chimney - the chimney where the General's dinner is taking place. Whilst René enters the bedroom of Gruber, only to find no smoke, but Gruber waiting in anticipation for a visit from René.

[edit] The Dreaded Circular Saw

René and Leclerc blow open the safe, whilst Gruber, Michelle and Crabtree fight the smoke fire. The General blames the incident on the musical playing gypsies (Flick and Von Smallhausen), and orders for them to be arrested. As the gypsies escape, they hide themselves in the wardrobe in front of the safe, just as the safe blows up. They are only shaken, and commandeer the fire engine to escape in. René and Leclerc open the safe, only to find not the invasion plans, but The Fallen Madonna and The Cracked Vase paintings.

When the General and Gruber find the safe empty, the General orders the guards to arrest anyone not in German uniform. René and Leclerc are therefore forced to flee in the uniform of Lt. Gruber. They jump in the back of a lorry to hide, only to find themselves in the back of a Communist Resistance lorry, with guns aimed at them. The Communists also have René on their hit-list, as they think he has been collaborating with the Germans; René therefore cannot reveal his true-self.

René and Leclerc are taken to an old sawmill, where René hides the paintings in the beams. They are then strapped to the sawmill, itself. When Leclerc presses a button on the sawmill, René is dragged towards the circular saw by the conveyor belt. Fortunately the Communists enter in time, and manage to stop the saw from cutting René in two.

Gruber informs the Colonel of the safe incident. As René and the paintings have disappeared at the same time, the Colonel suspects René has scarpered. Edith and the girls in the café light candles for René. When they hear of René's plight, they steal Gruber's "little tank", but Edith crashes it into the town convenience.

[edit] Otherwise Engaged

René and Leclerc are still being held by the Communist Resistance. Denise Laroque, their leader interrogates René, and happens to come across a birthmark on René's back. From this information, it turns out that René is the childhood sweetheart of Denise. Later, Denise decides that she must marry René, and tells him that she will commandeer the local church the coming Saturday and kidnap the priest to make sure the wedding goes ahead.

In the town square, Gruber demands to know why Edith and the café girls have stolen his tank. Edith reveals René's plight to Gruber, and that she was off to rescue René when she crashed the tank.

The two British airmen decide to hand themselves in to the Germans, so they can enjoy the supposed "luxuries" of a Prisoner of War camp. Their plan fails, as General and the Colonel mistake them for impertinent peasants.

Helga informs Herr Flick that she is still trying to worm her way into Gruber's affections.

Denise lets René return to the café, providing that he turns up for the wedding. René informs Yvette of the wedding plans, but does not reveal who he is going to marry. Yvette mistakenly thinks that she is to be the bride, and tells Madame Edith this, in front of René, Madame Fanny and Monsieur Alphonse - who has just asked the permission of Madame Fanny to marry Edith!

[edit] A Marriage of Inconvenience

René reveals that he managed to convince Edith that she misunderstood Yvette's declaration of being the wedding bride. The whole café now knows of the forced wedding to Denise. Edith reveals Denise's plans to Michelle, and asks Michelle to kidnap Denise, so she can pretend to be René's bride - the bride's veil is so thick that no-one will be able to see who is actually marrying René.

On the eve of the wedding, Edith plans a special dinner for her and René, whilst Yvette and Mimi work the streets looking for business.

Herr Flick receives an angry letter from his Uncle Himmler, asking why he has not retrieved the paintings.

Michelle imprisons Denise down a mine shaft and delivers the wedding dress to Edith. The Colonel orders Gruber to make René tell him where the paintings are, but he discovers that René is getting married that day. At the wedding, Leclerc turns up as the organist; Herr Flick and Helga disguise themselves as part of the choir; the Colonel and Gruber attend in plain clothes; Monsieur Alfonse is best man; and the Communist Resistance attend, complete with loaded pistols. René and Alfonse eventually discover that Edith is actually under the veil, but can do nothing about it. Though, Yvette and Mimi have implemented their own plan; replacing the real priest with Officer Crabtree!

[edit] No Hiding Place

Edith is crying; having found out that the wedding is is not legal due to Crabtree posing as the priest. Michelle then turns up and announces that Denise Laroque has escaped. As she is informing them of this news, a member of the Communist Resistance storms into the cafe and shoots a series of bullets at the drinks bottles and glasses behind the bar.

For his own safety, René pretends to of been shot in the crossfire, and goes into disguise as his own father. He then goes and informs the Colonel of the situation, and asks him for protection. The Colonel refuses, but later instructs Helga to follow René and protect him, as he still has not revealed where the missing paintings are hidden. René then goes and asks Herr Flick to lock him up in his dungeons. Herr Flick refuses; so René goes to the police station and asks Crabtree to lock him up. Unfortunately, all the cells are full. The British airmen also turn up at the police station, trying to give themselves in.

René returns to the cafe, just as a package is delivered. René believes it to be a bomb, but it is actually a clock that Madame Fanny had sent away to be repaired. Helga and Gruber then come into the café and reveal that they are protecting René. They share a bottle of wine together. But when René accidentally spills a drop of the wine on the table, the wine is revealed as being acid. René decides to scarper at that moment, and leaves the cafe, only to walk straight into the hands of the Communists. René explains to Denise that Edith and the girls in the café are responsible for the failed wedding. Denise reveals that she is going to Lyon; but on her return, she will get her revenge on the female members of the café - René is safe again!

[edit] The Arrival of the Homing Duck

René informs the café of Denise's revenge plans. Helga then goes back to the Colonel and informs him that René is safe, and that the paintings are hidden in the Communist Resistance headquarters.

General Von Klinkerhoffen reveals that the Generals will be coming to the château to discuss the invasion plans for England. Helga reveals the details of this meeting to Herr Flick. Michelle also finds out about this meeting, and arranges that René will provide the food for the meeting, so that he can photograph the plans when they are on display. She also reveals that the RAF have sent a long-distance duck to carry the photographs of the invasion plans. It is promptly delivered to the café by Edith disguised as Leclerc.

Alfonse catches Yvette in the arms of René again; whilst Mimi attempts to replace Madame Edith as lead cabaret singer.

The Colonel plans an ambush on the Communist headquarters, to retrieve the paintings. As Captain Bertorelli has returned from Italy with a small platoon of lazy Italians criminals - it is decided to utilise them in the ambush; though the feeble Italians are having none of it!

[edit] Watch the Birdie

Michelle gives René the special apparatus that will help him capture the plans for the Invasion of England - it is a waiters apron which lifts up and reveals a camera! At the right moment, Edith will take a pill which will make her foam at the mouth, causing a distraction.

Herr Flick reveals a black leather wedding outfit which Helga will wear when they eventually get married.

The long-distance duck escapes. Whilst Alfonse and LeClerc are trying to re-capture it, Bertorelli shoots down the duck.

London comes on the radio to reveal that a French collaborator will be attending the General's conference, and must be eliminated. Unfortunately, Mimi has already poisoned the General with a paralysing pill. Crabtree is forced to impersonate the General at the meeting instead.

At the General's conference, the Colonel mistakes Edith's foaming pills to be sweets, and hands them round for the Generals to eat. When they start to foam at the mouth, they all rush to the hospital; giving René the perfect opportunity to photograph the invasion plans.

[edit] René - Under an Assumed Nose

Alfonse and LeClerc return to the café with the duck, which is not injured, but has just passed out. Michelle reveals that René captured a blank map with the camera. Therefore, the duck will not be flying to England, as the photograph is useless. René threatens to resign; so Michelle pretends to be in love with him, to make him stay in the Resistance.

The General orders René to be shot for the fiasco at the conference. However, Herr Flick believes that the French General is responsible for the fiasco, and orders for him to be arrested.

Gruber goes to the café to arrest René, but pretends not to find him. René (unaware of Herr Flick's theory) disguises himself as the French General, complete with "big hooter" nose - which has been made out of plastic explosive by LeClerc. René attempts to leave the café, but is stopped by the Colonel and Gruber. Gruber recognises René, and invites him to sit with him. Whilst smoking a cigar, the wick to the plastic explosives is accidentally lit. René removes the nose, and throws it out of the café, straight into the path of Herr Flick.

[edit] The Confusion of the Generals

René attempts to escape in his own clothes, but Gruber turns up and informs him that Von Klinkerhoffen now believes that the French General was responsible for the fiasco at the conference. The real French General is placed outside the café, for the Germans to arrest; though he is still paralysed from Mimi's pill. Herr Flick is laid out on a bed in his dungeon, with injuries from the exploding nose incident.

General Von Klinkerhoffen reveals his plans for the rescheduled General's conference. Peasants will be dressed up as the Generals and placed in a tent in the town square; whilst the real Generals discuss the invasion plans in the café disguised as peasants. This will stop any assassination plots or interruptions.

Michelle reveals that more British airmen will be arriving at the café, undercover of an air raid. They will be placed in a fish truck, and driven to the coast shortly after arriving. All the British airmen turn up dressed as oinonsellers, but the German generals also turn up dressed as onionsellers. As the British airmen say that they are "trying to get to England", the generals believe that they are to practice their English at the meeting. The air raid then starts, and the Colonel arrives in uniform, telling everyone to go to the shelters. The Germans generals leave the café, and climb into the back of the waiting fish truck, thinking that it will take them to the air raid shelters!

[edit] Who's for the Vatican

René starts to brick himself up in the cellar of the café, as he thinks he will be blamed for the disappearance of the German generals. Fortunately, the fish truck has hit a bomb crater, and the German generals have gone back to Berlin.

General Von Klinkerhoffen is blaming the Colonel for the mix-up. The General orders the Colonel and Gruber to pack for the Russian Front. This forces the Colonel to come up with a plan to hide in the Vatican, as the Catholic Church always want money. Once they manage to retrieve the paintings, they will sell them, cut Helga out of the deal, and use the proceeds to enter the Vatican. However, Helga is listening at the door, and goes and tells Herr Flick of this news.

Michelle tells René that she needs the paintings to sell for party funds. René is to give the Colonel the two forgeries instead. René heads towards the old sawmill, dressed as a Franciscan vicar wheeling a pram, which has Mimi disguised as a baby. Helga follows, dressed as a Nurse wheeling a pram, and Herr Flick as the baby. LeClerc leads the Italians and the Germans to the old sawmill.

As René is switching the real paintings with the forgeries at the sawmill, Denise Laroque returns from Lyon, and declares her love to René. She is interrupted by the Italian troops, who start firing at the sawmill. The Italians, the Colonel, Gruber and LeClerc are then captured by the Communist Resistance!

[edit] Ribbing the Bonk

René has concealed the real paintings in Mimi's nappy. René then convinces Denise to demand a ransom for the German officers and Italian troops. Herr Flick and Helga return to Gestapo headquarters.

Crabtree, Michelle and Alfonse inform Edith and Yvette of the Communist's capture. Michelle calls up the RAF to bomb the sawmill, as it will eliminate so many enemies.

René retrieves the forgeries of the paintings, and places them down the trousers of Gruber. René and Leclerc then leave the sawmill, after been forced to leave Mimi behind with the Communists. René phones the General, and demands a ransom of one million francs. The General refuses to pay, so Michelle comes up with a plan to steal the money from the bank, so they can pay the ransom and save Mimi.

LeClerc manages to open the bank's safe, but the door accidentally closes, forcing everyone to be come trapped in the safe. However, LeClerc blows open the safe door from the inside, and everyone escapes, with a deposit box full of money.

[edit] The Reluctant Millionaires

René has a new plan for Edith's cabaret act - she is to mime along to a gramophone record of Jeanette Macdonald singing.

Michelle tells René that the money stolen from the bank is not to be used to pay the Communist's ransom, as the De Gaulle's Resistance funds are low. Fortunately, Mimi returns to the café and reveals that General Von Klinkerhoffen launched an assault on the Communists, and released the Germans and the Italian soliders from captivity; though the Communists escaped.

Herr Flick informs Helga that the one million francs stolen from the bank was his money. Crabtree informs the café of this news. René passes the million francs to Gruber; except for a couple of notes which Michelle nicked to have her hair done. In return, Gruber gives René the fake paintings to hide (though Gruber believes they are the originals).

The General orders a search for all members of the Communist resistance. Denise and Louise run to café and force René to hide them.

Come cabaret time, Monseiur LeClerc places the wrong record on the gramophone player, forcing Madame Edith to sing along to a baritone voice.

[edit] A Duck for Launch

Denise, Louise and Mimi are hiding in various wardrobes and clocks in the café; afraid of been caught by the Germans. René cannot pass down the hallway without each of them grabbing him and declaring their love for him.

Himmler hears about the Gestapo's money been stolen. Although Herr Flick informs him that the money was forged, Himmler orders him to retrieve it, saying it is "the principle of the thing!" Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as fishmongers, to try and capture some of the forged banknotes.

Von Strohm, Gruber, Helga and Bertorelli split the remaining 975 000 francs between them. Meanwhile, Monsieur Alfonse has received some of the forged notes after Michelle spent some of them at the hairdressers. He is promptly arrested by the Gestapo when he tries to buy some fish.

The long-distance duck has given birth to some ducklings. Michelle reveals that the invasion plans have finally being photographed. The microfilm of which is to be attached to the duck, and sent to England. When the time comes for the duck to depart; the duck does not seem to want to leave it's brood, and won't take off.

[edit] The Exploding Bedpan

Colonel Von Strohm orders René to deliver a suicide pill to Monseiur Alfonse in case he implicates any of them whilst under interrogation. Unfortunately, Madame Fanny starts to eat the pasty contacting the suicide pill, but manages to promptly spit it back out when she hears the word "Gestapo!".

Alfonse's dicky-ticker sets in after Helga shows him her black suspenders, and he is rushed to hospital. Michelle comes up with a plan to rescue Alfonse. They will disguise themselves as ambulance workers and switch Alfonse for a dummy. Helga, Gruber, Von Strohm and Bertorelli also come up with a plan of blowing up Monseiur Alfonse and thus eliminating him.

Von Strohm and Gruber disguise themselves as nurses and deliver a remote-activated exploding bedpan to Alfonse. However, the Resistance have already rescued Monseiur Alfonse, and put a dummy in his place. The bed-pan explodes and everyone escapes from the hospital.

[edit] Going Like a Bomb

Gruber comes to the café and discovers René dressed in an operating gown. Gruber tells him that Alfonse has now being eliminated. Monsieur Alfonse is actually hiding in the bed of Madame Fanny.

Michelle reveals that they have captured two German landmines. The explosive has been removed, and the British airmen will escape in the empty landmines. When they are dropped from the German planes, they will parachute back into England.

The Communist Ressitance girls leave the café. Louise promises to kill Denise and then come back to make René her lover.

Herr Flick lets slip to Helga that the stolen money was forged. Herr Flick orders Von Smallhausen to disguise himself as a corpse, and try and see if he can find the money in the mortuary. Helga informs the Colonel of this news. The remaining 975 000 forged bank notes are promptly stuffed down Bertorelli's trousers and returned to René. Colonel Von Strohm then makes an anonymous call to Herr Flick to inform him that the forged money is down the trousers of a man with feathers in his hat! This will get the Italian captain out of the Colonel's way for good.

Unfortunately Monsieur LeClerc arrives in the café disguised as a pillow-stuffer (with feathers in his hat), delivering the parachutes to René. LeClerc makes a run for it, telling the Gestapo to "get stuffed!"

[edit] Money to Burn

René is having to practice his piano playing, as LeClerc has been arrested by the Gestapo. Herr Flick finds nothing down LeClerc's trousers, but orders for him to be locked up anyway.

Bertorelli reveals that he delivered the forged notes to the café, and that the money was hidden in the café's oven. Unfortunately Madame Fanny decides to cook the potato spy camera in the oven, and ruins both the money and the spy camera.

Herr Flick threatens to shoot LeClerc, unless the money is returned to him. Gruber reveals to René that if the stolen landmines are returned, he may be able to get LeClerc released.

René informs Michelle of the situation, and as the British airmen are still practising escaping from the landmines, she contacts London on the radio for help. As LeClerc is being prepared to be shot in the town square, the RAF drop some new forged banknotes on the town, and everyone rushes to grab some of the money.

[edit] Puddings Can Go Off

Michelle reveals what happened to the explosive from the landmines which the Resistance nicked - it was hidden in a pudding factory, Due to the factory being commandeered by the Germans; 500 exploding Christmas puddings must be delivered to the café. Monsieur Alfonse delivers 58 of his 290 exploding Christmas puddings in a coffin; Crabtree delivers another two; six Resistance girls deliver twelve; and LeClerc tries to deliver another seven to the café.

The Führer is very upset that the landmines have been stolen. General Von Klinkerhoffen orders the Colonel and Gruber to try and locate the missing landmines. The Gestapo are also on the look-out for the landmines. Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as monks so they can climb the church tower and spy on René's café. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen try to ascend the church tower by climbing the bell ropes. This results in Herr Flick hanging in the church tower Von Smallhausen getting trapped underneath a bell.

[edit] Landmines for London

René is moving the Christmas puddings in the cellar, when Yvette comes in and disturbs him. Her candle accidentally lights the fuse to one of the puddings; forcing René to put it out with a soda spray.

Herr Flick and Helga manage to free Von Smallhausen from under the church bell. Herr Flick reveals to Helga that whilst suspended at the top of the tower, he saw the landmines in the builders yard next to René's café. Helga tells this news to the Colonel, who informs General Von Klinkerhoffen. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen hide inside the landmines, hoping to infiltrate the Resistance. The Colonel arrives and orders for them to be delivered to the airfield.

Michelle discovers that the landmines are missing, and decides that the airmen should be delivered to the airfield in beer barrels where they can climb into the empty landmines. Unfortunately, the landmines are taken away for bombing, before the airmen can get in them, and whilst Flick and Von Smallhausen are inside them.

Over England, two German air pilots, thinking they are free from the Gestapo, start singing "Göring is an idiot, Goebbels is a twit, Himmler is a pain in the butt, and Hitler is a ..." when Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen start tapping on the aeroplane's window.

[edit] Flight to Geneva

René hears of Michelle's latest plan. A midget-submarine will sail up the canal and take the airmen away. René has had enough, and decides to elope with Michelle and the paintings. Then Helga appears at the café, and orders René to bring the paintings to Colonel Von Strohm at once. The Colonel has been ordered by the General to send the paintings to Hitler, and a Swedish art expert will be sent to authenticate the paintings. However, Herr Flick believes that it could not be Hitler who telephoned the General, as he is in the Black Forest with Eva Brown.

The Swedish art expert arrives to authenticate the paintings. He gives the General gold bars in exchange for the paining, which he will deliver to his client in Geneva. The General places the gold in the police station safe. René sees what the General placed in the safe, and uses a spare key to open the safe, and steals some of the gold bars.

René then writes a note for Yvette, telling her to join him on the 11.15 Geneva Express. He gives this to LeClerc and asks him to pass it to Yvette. He also gives LeClerc a note for him to give to Edith which says "Goodbye!". Unfortunately, LeClerc gets the notes mixed up and gives Yvette's note To Edith. Edith places it in the till and it is later found by Mimi, who thinks that the note is intended for her.

The Swedish art expert places the paintings in the train's safe. The Colonel and Gruber disguise themselves as the train's guards. Helga will distract the art expert, and give the safe key to the Colonel, so he can switch the paintings. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as the train attendants, so they can drug the Swedish art-expert with a cup of coffee. René opens the curtains of his sleeping berth - only to discover Edith in the bed!

[edit] Train of Events

René is on-board the Geneva Express and trying to keep away from Edith, and discovers Mimi is on the train. René forces Mimi to jump from the train.

Helga drugs a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Von Smallhausen accidentally drinks this, and becomes unconscious. Helga manages to get the key from the Swedish art-expert, and gives the key to the Colonel.

René tries to escape from Edith again, but ends up in a bunk where Gruber is hiding from Herr Flick. He leaves and finds Yvette on the train. They try and find an empty bunk, but instead find LeClerc - who informs them that Michelle will be dropping an exploding Christmas pudding down the train's funnel. Consequently, a big bang takes place and the train crashes!

René and Edith return to the café on the back of a fish lorry. Yvette and LeClerc return on roller-skates. René tries to return the four bars of gold back to the police safe. Unfortunately, Crabtree has blocked the safe up with super-glue. Edith suggests blowing open the safe with a Christmas pudding,

Gruber managed to switch the paintings in the train's safe. Herr Flick took these forgeries, and replaced them with another set of forgeries The Colonel conceals the real paintings in a statue. The General takes a liking towards this statue, and immediately takes it to his château. The General also asks Gruber to retrieve the safe from the police station, and deliver it to the château. Some of the Italian troops remove the safe, just after Edith has lit the fuse to blow it up. The safe is placed in Gruber's tank, where it promptly explodes - right in front of Captain Bertorelli!

[edit] An Enigma Variation

René has melted down the four bars of gold he stole, and disguised them as the weight to the café's cuckoo clock. Both Yvette and Edith try and find out where René has hidden the gold; but to no avail.

The Colonel and Gruber reveal to René that four bars of gold were missing from the General's safe. They agree to turn a blind eye to the fact that René is the chief suspect, if René manages to retrieve the paintings from the commandeered statue in the château. René and the café members are to pose as the Excelsior Quartet. Whilst they pretend to perform the music, Helga will turn a gramophone record which will play the music out over the château's loud speakers.

Herr Flick believes that the General's dance is to discuss a plot to blow up Hitler, and will infiltrate the party. Meanwhile, Michelle reveals that the German's new Enigma machine must be stolen from the château, so the English can decipher German codes.

Von Smallhausen and Herr Flick pose at the party as waitresses. Von Smallhausen has a camera hidden under his left boobie, to capture pictures of everyone at the party. Mimi is concealed in the case of the double-bass, but Crabtree loses the key, forcing Mimi to steal the Enigma machine whilst still wearing the case.

Alfonse and Yvette hide in the piano, but the General orders the statue to be moved. This forces Alfonse and Yvette to move the piano across the dance floor, whilst René is still playing. They manage to retrieve the paintings though, and the party continues in full swing, with Crabtree singing Louise in broken French!

[edit] Wedding Bloss

  • Original airdate: February 11, 1989
  • Written by: John Chapman & Ian Davidson
  • Directed by: Richard Boden
  • Produced by: David Croft
  • Episode length: 25 minutes

[edit] Down the Drain

[edit] All in Disgeese

'Allo! 'Allo!
Characters:
René | Edith | Madame Fanny | Yvette | Maria | Mimi | Michelle | Roger LeClerc
Ernest LeClerc | Alfonse | Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen | Col. Von Strohm
Lt. Gruber | Captain Hans | Captain Bertorelli | Herr Flick | Helga | Von Smallhausen
Crabtree | Fairfax | Carstairs | Gen. Von Flockenstuffen | Denise | Louise
Episodes:
Pilot & Series 1 | Series 2 | Series 3 | Series 4 | Series 5
Series 6 | Series 7 | Series 8 | Series 9 | The Best of 'Allo 'Allo!
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